


Things Change

by maxinehouse



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 11:23:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 48,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6903874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxinehouse/pseuds/maxinehouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things on Voyager are about to change and many will never be the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at Protective Chakotay 2002 (I think) Probably still has mistakes, even with two beta readers plus many other casual reads.

Things Change

Feeling the strain of being first officer, Chakotay decided he needed some down time. He could feel the stress throughout his body. Chakotay had noticed recently that he was "sluggish", that was the only word he could come up with to describe how he felt. He had also realized that his body was telling him something, he just couldn't figure out what it was saying. He would talk to the Captain in the morning. 

'That', he thought, 'was one his problems.' His friend Kathryn was gone and in her wake "The Captain" was back in full force. Kathryn had finally allowed their professional disagreements seep into their personal lives. The straw that broke the camel's back was the incident with the Equinox. They fought hard about her "determination" and she relieved him of duty first, then of her friendship.

He would just have to deal with it as he did everything else, step back and let her lead the way. Chakotay knew she wouldn't question his need for a few days off, but he wasn't sure she would grant the request. He would have to make due with his off time if she said "no". 

The next morning Chakotay made sure he arrived at the captain's ready room early enough to speak with her before even Tuvok showed up. Entering, he found her reading a data padd and drinking what was probably her fourth cup of coffee.  


"Good Morning Captain."  


"Good Morning, Commander. You're early"  


"Yes, I wanted to speak with you for a moment before the meeting." He noticed that she stiffened.  


"Is there a problem, Commander?" He thought she growled at him, but he ignored the tone.  


"No, there isn't a problem. I just have a request." Again noticing her body language, he saw her relax just a bit.  


"And that is?"  


"I would like to request a few days off Captain. I have found that I am unable to keep myself fully concentrating on my job the past few weeks. I don't want it to become a problem should we run into any hostile aliens." Again Kathryn seemed to relax even more. He couldn't have been thinking that maybe she thought he was going to mention the lack of friendship between them. 'Not in this lifetime' he thought 'not ever again.'  


"I have noticed that you have been a little tenser these days. Request granted. When would you like to start your "vacation"?"  


"If it's alright with you, I will finish my duty shift today at 1300 hours and return at 0800 hours four days from tomorrow."  


"Alright, Chakotay." She may not have realized she that called him by name for the first time in two months, but he did.  


"Thank you Kathryn." Well she started it he thought  


"Of course, I will be available for emergencies and red alerts."  


"Oh, you're not going on a four day spiritual walk?" she said half-jokingly.  


"Nope, just looking for some down time. I plan on being on this plain of existence most of the time." He gave her his full dimple grin. And they both laughed.  


The ready room doors swished open admitting first Tuvok then closely followed by B'Elanna Torres, Harry Kim, and Tom Paris bringing up the rear. Each offered their good mornings. The Captain and Commander responded in kind. If anyone noticed that the two of them had been laughing with each other as the four arrived no one mentioned it. The meeting was brief. After dismissing everyone Kathryn, turned to Chakotay.

"I am going to spend my morning in here going over all those "wonderful" reports you left for me yesterday. As I will not have the time while you are gone." 

"Alright captain, please don't be too upset with me. I know how much you hate having reports just lying around unfinished." Again, he smiled as he teased her.

"Oh you! Get out, you have the bridge. I will relieve you at 1300 hours if not before." She smiled back

"Yes ma'am!" With that parting shot Chakotay left.

Sitting in his chair, Chakotay he went over the status reports. 'Ah yes just another boring day in the DQ' he thought. And that was what it proved to be: boring, agonizingly slow. If he checked the time once more, he was sure he would rip the damn thing out of the panel. Chakotay thought about what he would do during his four days of free time. He thought he would run a program or two on the holodeck. He felt the need to do some long distance running, that would help clear his head get things in prospective. Then again, if he was to listen to his body perhaps running wasn't such a good idea. He would of course meditate perhaps putting aside some time for that. Mentally making a note to inform the captain that he would actually be unavailable the day after tomorrow after all. Once that thought passed, he decided the rest of his free time would not be planned, he would go with the flow. 

Suddenly, he felt a pain in his upper abdomen. 'Heartburn?' he thought to himself 'I don't usually eat things that cause heartburn. It has got to be Neelix's cooking.' While the pain didn't go away, it seemed to have subsided a bit. However, he felt a bit warm, like he was beginning to sweat. 'That shouldn't be' Chakotay thought as he checked the environmental controls. "Within normal parameters" was the silent response he got.

"Commander?" He was brought back to the present by Paris' voice.

"Yes lieutenant, sorry did you say something?"

"Not actually me. The captain commed you."

"Oh thanks. Chakotay here, sorry captain."

"Can you come to my ready room, please?"

"Certainly captain, right away." He signed off and handed the bridge over to Tuvok. The ready room doors opening immediately to admit him.

"You wanted to see me, captain?"

"Yes, did I get you at a bad time?" smiling at him

"No actually, I just drifted off in thought. I do apologize."

"That's okay really. I know how boring it is out there right now. Which is why I let you take the morning." 

"Gee thanks!" They both laughed.

"You're welcome. I am done with the reports and as it is 1200 hours I thought I would let you go to lunch and start your downtime."

"Thank you, Captain. I appreciate it."

"No problem, now would you join me for lunch?" If Chakotay was surprised at the invitation he didn't show it.

"I would love to, though I will probably only eat something light. I think breakfast hasn't settled completely yet." Both of them got up and left the ready room.

"Tuvok you have the bridge until 1300. The Commander and I are going to lunch."

"Aye, Captain." 

Walking off the bridge together neither noticed Paris' surprised look and raised eyebrow. Though Tuvok did and he decided not to comment. He knew that Lieutenant Paris was thinking along the same line, as he would be if he were inclined to give pause to the strained relationship between his two senior officers. To see them back on what could only appear to be good terms was a good thing. It lessened the overall tension on the ship. Security had seen an increase in fights and general disturbances over the past two months. Tuvok put it down to the fact that the crew had seen the tension between the captain and the commander and they were reacting to it. Things just might change again once the crew realized their senior officers weren't at odds anymore. 

 

As they made their way to the messhall, they talked about general things and Chakotay did mention that he would probably not be available at all the day after tomorrow or at least not until the evening. He had decided to do some deep meditation after all. Once they arrived and made their way through the choices Neelix offered that day, they went to the captain's usual table in the corner. They continued on "safe subjects" until Kathryn decided she had enough of avoiding the inevitable.

"Chakotay, I really want to apologize for my behavior over the past couple of months. I shouldn't have been so distant."

"Kathryn, don't worry about it. I am sure you have your reasons for wanting to put some distance between us."

"Actually, I was afraid to talk to you because I would have to admit that you were right and I was wrong. And you know how I feel about admitting I am wrong." He nodded and they both laughed. 

Suddenly Chakotay had a strange feeling come over him. He felt extreme warm, and there was a dull pain in his upper abdomen. 

"Are you all right?" Kathryn noticed a slight film of sweat appears on Chakotay's upper lip and he seemed to wince as if in pain.

"I am fine. I think whatever this is," pointing to the food on his plate "may not be agreeing with me." He smiled but the pains in his abdomen seem to be getting worse. 

Chakotay also noticed that there was pressure of some kind building in his upper back and chest. He couldn't catch his breath and then there was this pain in his shoulder and left hand, he tried to move it to ease the pain but couldn't. He felt sweat running down his chest but now he was feeling cold.

"Chakotay!" Kathryn became very frightened. She had watched as Chakotay went from laughing to being in what she could only assume was extreme pain in a matter of seconds. Then, when he looked up at her it was as if he couldn't really see her.  
As for Chakotay's perspective it seemed as if he was in a tunnel and he could hear what was going on but it was muffled. The pain in his abdomen, back, and chest by then unbearable. He was gasping for air and yet at the same time he felt himself throw up. 

"Captain to sickbay. Emergency beam out! Lock on Commander Chakotay and get him there NOW!" She watched as he dematerialized in front of her and then she collapsed into her chair. Shaking so much she couldn't stand, Lieutenant Paris had appeared out of no where and helped her to her feet.

"Come on Captain. I will walk with you to sickbay." She could only nod and allow him to help. "Captain, can you tell me what happened? I walked in as you called for the emergency beam out."

"I don't really know. Chakotay and I were talking one minutes and the next he went pale and seemed to be in a lot of pain." 

"Okay, we will go and see what the doctor has to say. I am sure that Chakotay will be fine. It was probably a bad reaction to lunch." He tried to lighten the mood. He was worried too. 

Tom saw the way Chakotay looked and it was something he had seen once before and never wanted to see again. The only way Tom could describe it was it looked like Chakotay had "died". That thought caused him to shudder inwardly. Tom and Chakotay had worked through their difference and had become friends in the past year or so. Tom has always liked and respected the Commander even when it was clear the feeling wasn't mutual. He enjoyed seeing the "fun side" of Chakotay whenever they were at Sandrine's or the resort.

They arrived at sickbay and as the doors swished open. They could hear that the doctor was working on Chakotay, his assistant Ensign Johnson didn't look very well herself. Tom's medic training kicked in and stepped in and took over for the woman. He followed the doctor's instructions and as he did so he realized that Chakotay had had a heart attack. It was severe if his assessment was correct. While the doctor and Tom worked on Chakotay, Kathryn went into the doctor's office.

"Tuvok to the Captain."

"Janeway here."

"Captain is everything alright? I found a recording of an emergency beam out on Commander Chakotay from the messhall to sickbay."

"I am sorry, Tuvok, I didn't think to comm you. The Commander became ill while we were having lunch. I don't know exactly what is wrong at the moment, as soon as I do I will let you know."

"Understood. Tuvok out."

They worked on the older man for another 45 minutes until the doctor said he was stable. Only then did Tom feel himself shaking, the commander, no Chakotay, had almost died. Technically, he had twice. Tom slumped back against the opposite biobed, seemingly in delayed shock.

"You did extremely well, Lieutenant. Thank you for helping me. I believe Ensign Johnson was about to pass out when you arrived."

"No problem doctor, its all part of my job." Tom turned to see the captain sitting in the doctor's office obviously crying. He walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Captain, he is stable and he will be fine according to the doctor."

"Thank you, Tom, for everything. You did well in there."

"Thanks, I couldn't see not doing anything but."

"What happened? Do you know for sure?"

"The Commander suffered a major heart attack." The doctor explained as he stepped into his office.

"I am going to have to perform surgery to repair damage to his heart muscle and there is some sort of blockage in one of his arteries that will need to be removed. If not the artery may need to be replaced."

"Oh my god! How could this happen? Chakotay always takes good care of himself." Kathryn was beside herself. She knew that Chakotay was in for a long recovery and she wasn't sure how he or she would handle it.

"Sometimes captain, regardless of how well humans take care of themselves, their bodies react differently to many things. I found signs that indicated the commander has been under stress recently, which could have contributed an on going problem."

"Why wasn't this caught earlier doctor?" Kathryn asked and it almost sounded like she was accused him of not doing his job. If the doctor had not been a hologram, he would have been insulted and hurt by the accusation.

"Captain, I can assure you that when I performed the Commander's last yearly physical there was nothing to indicate that there was a problem with his heart. Although it has been eighteen months since that physical, on the few occasions I have had to treat the Commander for injures I found nothing to cause concern. I will, however, double check the last few scans recorded and see if I missed anything." The doctor then turned and walked back into sickbay. 

Tom thought that if a hologram could huff and stomp, the doctor would have been. He also noticed that the captain was very quiet during the doctor's dressing down. Actually, too quiet if anyone would have asked him.

"If you find that the doctor suddenly develops an urge to sing 'There was a man from Nantucket', you will know it was ME who reprogrammed him." She seemed to be snarling. Tom couldn't have but chuckle, she did have a sense of humor he could appreciate.

"Your secret is safe with me, captain." 

"Thanks again, Tom. I should inform Tuvok."

"Janeway to Tuvok."

"Tuvok here, Captain, how is Commander Chakotay?"

"Commander Chakotay has suffered a heart attack. He is stable now but not conscience."

"I will inform the senior staff and department heads that Commander Chakotay is on medical leave until further notice."

"Thank you, Tuvok. I should be returning to the bridge soon. I just need to speak to the Doctor for another minute."

"There is no need for you to do that, captain. I will remain on the bridge and see about making arrangements to have sufficient coverage for the remainder of the day."

"Again, Thank you, Tuvok. Janeway out."

"I don't care what anyone says, that man does have a heart." Tom quipped.

"You don't know the half of it, Lieutenant."

Kathryn and Tom exited the doctor's office just as the sickbay doors swished up and B'Elanna Torres came rushing in. 

"Tom, Captain, what happened? What's wrong with Chakotay?" B'Elanna was crying. The captain took her arm and steered her towards the office.

"B'Elanna, Chakotay had a heart attack. He is fine for now he is sleeping."

"Oh my god! NO!" 

"B'Elanna, calm down. He is fine. The Doctor said he will be recover." Kathryn didn't think she should mention the surgery just yet. Besides it was Chakotay's place to decide who would know about it and who wouldn't. The younger woman didn't seem any calmer. Tom put his arm on her shoulder, turned her to face him, and spoke quietly

"B'El, you have to calm down if you want to go in there and see Chakotay. If he wakes up and sees you this upset, he will just get upset himself. And honestly, right now, that is the last thing he needs." He leaned in closer and whispered something in her ear. Kathryn noticed that B'Elanna calmed almost instantly and then nodded her head. Turning to Kathryn, she spoke

"Captain I am very sorry for exploding like that. You have to understand, Chakotay is very special to me."

"B'Elanna, you don't need to explain anything to me. He is very special to me also. You didn't see me an hour ago, has it only been an hour? It seems like forever since we were sitting in the mess hall laughing." She shook her head trying to clear the fog that had settled there.

"Captain, may I have permission to go to Chakotay's quarter and get his medicine wheel? I know he would want it here. I would feel better." B'Elanna silently prayed the captain wouldn't deny her this. She also knew that most likely she wouldn't.

"Of course B'Elanna, anything that will help Chakotay is fine with me." Kathryn smiled at the younger woman. She was sure that B'Elanna thought she would say no.  
True, she and Chakotay had not been close lately. Still, Kathryn cared for the man and would never deny him anything. She couldn't do that in all good conscience. 

"Thank you, captain. I am not sure if he has changed his codes would you give me access?"

"When you get to his door it will open for you. Hurry back!" Kathryn then ordered the computer to allow B'Elanna entrance to the first officer's quarters. B'Elanna left quickly, as she ran down the hall, she prayed that she could remember what to do with the medicine wheel. 

Meanwhile, Tom and the doctor monitored Chakotay, making the necessary adjustments to medication.

"Captain, I want to wake the Commander so I can tell him what is happening. Perhaps Mr. Paris and you should go for now. I will inform you when the surgery is over."

"Doctor, I would like to be the one who tells him what is going on." Kathryn stated firmly, knowing the doctor's bedside manor would probably put Chakotay off anything he needed to do.

"Doc, I would like to stay and help if I can." Tom didn't think he would be able to just sit around and wait. 

"Alright, both of you. I will wake him now and you can discuss it with him. Mr. Paris, I think YOU had better tell the Commander that you will be assisting me. If he is going to react poorly let him take it out on you. I will be in my office." The doctor turned and injected Chakotay. Then left, mumbling something about everyone always trying to run his sickbay for him. Kathryn stepped up to the biobed, Tom right behind her. She placed her hand on Chakotay's shoulder.

"Chakotay, can you hear me?" she gently shook him

"I can hear you. What happened?" He was barely able to speak his throat raw and his chest felt too heavy.

"You had a heart attack, Chakotay. The doctor needs to perform surgery to repair the damage."

"Heart attack?" He was confused.

"Yes, do you remember anything that happened in the mess hall?" He appeared to be thinking, trying to remember.

"I remember thinking that Neelix's food didn't agree with me."

"We can't blame Neelix this time." Tom threw out to the room in general.

"Okay, so what is wrong again?"

"The doctor said you have damage to your heart and a blocked artery. He needs to repair the damage and clear the artery, if not replace it." Kathryn explained

"When?"

"As soon as possible."

"Chakotay, if it is okay with you. I am going to assist the doctor."

"You going to make sure I have a heart?"

"Well if I didn't know before, I do now." Tom said solemnly.  
"I just want to help if I can."

"Alright, it's fine. Just tell the doctor to get rid of this pain."

"You shouldn't be in pain right now." Tom turned and motioned for the doctor. "He says he's in pain, that shouldn't be should it?" Tom asked as the doctor came out of his office. With that the monitors started beeping.

"Mr. Paris, get the surgery area prepared NOW!" Grabbing a hypo spray and injecting Chakotay, the doctor unlocked the biobed and pushed it towards the surgery area. "Captain, please either wait in my office or in yours. He is having another heart attack and I must repair the damage immediately. Kathryn paled when the monitor went off and she paled further when she heard what the doctor said.

She was frozen in place for a moment, she prayed that her friend didn't die. He couldn't die she kept saying over and over again in her mind. B'Elanna reentered sickbay in the misted of all the commotion. She too froze then screamed

"NO CHAKOTAY!"

That brought the captain out of her fogged state. She grabbed B'Elanna's arm and walked out of sickbay.

'B'Elanna, the doctor will do everything he can to make sure Chakotay is fine. Let's go to the mess hall, he will comm me when he is done." B'Elanna just nodded and followed the captain. "Tom is helping, I am sure he will also do whatever is necessary."

Word had traveled very quickly through the ship that Commander Chakotay was quite ill. No one knew for sure what was wrong, but reports from those who were in the mess hall when the commander took ill, claimed it didn't look good. 

As Kathryn and B'Elanna walked in silence, they passed members of the crew all looking quite upset. No one asked any questions, it was clear to them that neither the captain nor the chief engineer was going to say anything. When the two women arrived at the messhall, Neelix greeted them and took them to a table in the corner. He left and hurried back with coffee for the captain and tea for B'Elanna. The women thanked him, but that was all either of them said. Neelix told them that if they wanted anything else just ask.

Time seemed to stand still after that. No one approached Kathryn nor B'Elanna, they hovered close, just in case something happened. The feeling in the mess hall was reflected throughout the ship. Solemn, perhaps even fearful. Those who had work to do did it quietly. Those who didn't gathered with friends.

In sickbay, Tom and the doctor worked quietly and well together. Tom was the perfect assistant. The doctor barely had to ask for the proper piece of equipment. It seemed as if Tom anticipated each request and was ready. Each being diligent in their work but at the same time offering up prayers. 

Three hours later, the doctor had Tom close the commander's chest, while he went to inform the captain. 

"Sickbay to the captain"

"Janeway here. How did it go?" There was no mistaking the apprehension in her voice. 

"The Commander did well. He should recover completely."

"Thank the gods." She whispered.

"I don't want anyone to come and disturb him for the next twelve hours."

"That will be fine doctor, except B'Elanna would like to bring his medicine wheel down, and perform the necessary ritual."

"Alright captain, she may come in an hour. Sickbay out."

"Mr. Paris, once again you have increased my admiration for you. You were exceptional in there. Thank you for your help."

"Thanks, Doc. It was the least I can do."

Tom walked away on shaking legs. He didn't get very far. Suddenly the adrenaline rush he had been feeling for the past several hours dropped and the world came crashing down around him. He lowered himself on to the nearest biobed and felt his entire body begin to tremble.

"Mr. Paris, are you all right?" the doctor walked over to him when he had seen Tom stumble to the bed. "Mr. Paris?" no answer. "MR. PARIS" The doctor grabbed Tom's shoulders and shook him. That seemed to bring him around.

"What? Huh? Yeah doc, I am fine, just a quick crush from the adrenaline rush I think." The doctor ran a tricorder over the lieutenant and then prepared a hypo spray.

"Yes, that would happen. I am giving you a mild sedative. I want you to go back to your quarters and rest. I will inform the captain that you will not be reporting to work in the morning. This kind of emergency does tend to take a lot out of a person." He injected the sedative into Tom's neck.

"Thanks Doc. I am sure I will be okay tomorrow."

"Lieutenant, it wasn't a request, it was an order." 

"Okay Doc, I won't argue with you. Actually, right about now, I feel like I could sleep for a week." He got up slowly testing his legs. When he realized that they weren't shaky, he brought his full weight on them and turned to leave. Turning back, he spoke again.  
"Hey Doc, will you let me know when Chakotay wakes up? I just want to see for myself that he is okay." He asked sheepishly.

"Of course Mr. Paris, as any good medical person, you just want to check on your patient. I understand." The doctor patted his shoulder.

"Now, go home and go to bed."

"I will Doc, I promise. Good night." Tom turned and left sickbay.

On his way to his quarters, he ran into several of the crew, all asking how the commander was. Tom was brief in his answers saying only that he came through the surgery well and now he needed time to recover. Tom wasn't sure if he was more surprised at people actually asking him or the fact that every one of them thanked him for helping the doctor with Chakotay. Hell, even some of the old Maquis crew gave him a "thanks a lot" slap on the back.

Once he arrived at his quarters, he went in and stripped immediately and headed for the shower. He felt like he was covered in Chakotay's blood and it wasn't a good feeling. While he showered, he couldn't help but go over in his mind everything that had happened. First, there was the smiling and laughing the captain and Chakotay seemed to be doing when everyone arrived for the morning briefing. Then, there was the way Chakotay seemed to be off on a spirit walk for most of the shift. Next, came the part where the captain informed Tuvok that she and Chakotay were having lunch together. He thought that was the most amazing, well until he walked into the messhall and saw Chakotay on the floor, gripping his chest and vomiting. 

Somewhere in the back of Tom's mind, when he saw that he knew that Chakotay was having a heart attack but before he could make himself react the captain called for the emergency beam out. Then, the highlight of the day was actually operating on the older man. 'Yeah right highlight my ass. I have never been so scared in my entire life'  
Tom thought to himself. 'Yes you have Tom don't kid yourself'. 

All of a sudden, Tom realized, that during the whole time he was thinking about the events of the day, that not once did he think of Chakotay as "The Commander". 'Maybe because you just spent three hours with your hands in his chest.' Yea that would make a person change the way they thought about someone else.'

Finishing up with his nightly routine, Tom exited the bathroom and got into bed. The sedative the doctor gave him had kicked it and he was asleep before his head hit the pillow. He dreamed about beating hearts in his hands, first, it was Chakotay's, then it was his mother's. He saw her face, that pale dead look on her face. He woke up shaking, got up and got himself some water. Still very tired he laid back down and fell back to sleep. This time, no dreaming that he would remember but he still tossed about in his sleep as if he was running from something.

Sometime later Harry Kim let himself in to Tom's quarters. He tried to comm Tom, when he didn't answer Harry figured he would just go and find his friend. It was still early, they could go to Sandrine's and play some pool. He was disappointed to say the least when he found Tom sleeping and he couldn't wake him. Harry had hoped he could get Tom to explain why he would volunteer to help the doctor with the surgery on the commander. It wasn't like they are great friends or anything. He knew Tom didn't do it to gain brownie points with anyone. It just didn't make sense to him, then again nothing made sense to him about that day. People were walking around all solemn and quiet, some even had tears in their eyes. 'Why were they reacting this way? The commander wasn't dead.' Harry thought. 

Even when he accompanied B'Elanna to sickbay, she brought the medicine wheel back and he stayed in the doctor's office while she went through the ritual that she said Chakotay's people do when someone is ill. B'Elanna had been extremely quiet during the walk there and pretty much forgot he was even with her as soon as she walked into sickbay. He thought that was pretty rude.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize "spirit walks" are not something I'm familiar with so what's in this chapter is probably way off base. They are how I "imagine" them to be. Enjoy again all mistakes are still mine.

Things Change 2

Harry left Sandrine's about 20 minutes after he arrived, disgusted. Everyone was still talking about the commander and how upset they were when they heard he was in sickbay and would probably be on medical leave for a while. Okay the commander was an important part of the crew. He was well liked, though Harry was hard pressed many times to figure out why. After all the commander had given up a career in Starfleet to go off and fight a battle that couldn't be won. 

He was an outlaw in the eyes of the Federation and Starfleet. He killed people, okay they were Cardassians for the most part, but Harry was sure if he had to, the commander would have killed Starfleet officers too. He shook his head at the stupidity the commander had shown for not believing that the Federation did what they had to do. It never entered Harry's mind that the Federal had been wrong. The commander had almost died, yes but it wouldn't have been the first time they had lost a member of the crew. And he didn't die after all, the doctor and Tom saved his life. Now Tom owned the commander twice. Bet Chakotay was going to just love that one.

Again, Harry thought about his friend had volunteering to assist the doctor. Tom and the commander had a bad history together. Sure over the past year the two men seemed to be civil to each other, but Harry was sure it was only because Tom hadn't fucked up in that time frame. As a matter of fact Tom had proven himself time and again since they had gotten stuck but the commander never seemed to take that into account, until a year ago. 

Maybe Tom was trying to score brownie points after all. Perhaps Tom figured that if he saved the commander's life, yet again, the crew would change their minds even more about him. Then Tom would feel more comfortable around the crew and he would have a couple of more friends. Tom wouldn't need Harry as much then. No, Tom would always need Harry because he was the only one who really knew him. Except maybe B'Elanna, but Tom and B'Elanna's friendship wasn't as good as Harry and Tom's. Right Tom would always need him, Harry was sure of that.

Harry got ready for bed still trying to figure out what was so special about the commander that made everyone want to fall all over themselves to help him. He was just a man after all just like the rest of them. He sighed to himself it wasn't important, tomorrow was his day off and he found out that Tom had been scheduled off too. They could hang out together all day, do something fun, this section of space was way too boring. Tomorrow, things would be better tomorrow. With that confidant thought in his head Harry went to sleep.

@@@@@@@

BEEP! BEEP!

Tom was pulled out of his sleep by a noise he grabbed his comm badge and then  
realized it was his door. Getting up he threw on his robe and called for whoever was there to enter. The doors swished open and B'Elanna walked in. Turning to see him half a sleep and drained.

"Oh Tom I am sorry I thought you would be up."

"It's okay B'El what time is it anyway?"

"0100, I couldn't sleep and I thought you would be having trouble too. I will let you go back to sleep."

"No, it's okay really. The doc gave me a sedative when we were done operating on Chakotay or I probably would still be awake." He took her arm and led her to the couch. Sitting Tom put his arm around her shoulder, feeling her tremble, he gave her a hug.  
"You know he will be okay. The surgery was a bit rough but he came through fine." Tom wanted to reassure his friend that the man she looked to as a father figure wasn't going anywhere just yet.

"I know I went to see him for a bit. I still had his medicine wheel with me while you and the doctor were operating. I probably should have left it while you did but I just couldn't think straight at the time." Tears rolled down her face and Tom held her closer. 

"SSHH it's okay. Honestly I am not sure if it mattered or not but I couldn't have done anything with it. One I have no clue what it does or what I would have to do to ensure it did whatever. And two I am sure the doctor wouldn't have allowed it to be in surgery area while the operation was going on."

"Honestly it helped me to hold on to it until the doctor called I felt a bit more centered, focused." She wiped her eyes 

"Then I went to see him afterwards, you were already gone. I asked Harry to come with me, the weirdest thing is he seemed to be put out by coming and hanging out in sickbay with me. It was like he thought he had something better to do."

"You know Harry, I am sure it was just his way of dealing with what went on. It was pretty intense you know. Gods when we walked into the messhall and I saw Chakotay hit the floor, it was like everything was in slow motion." Tom rubbed his hand over his face.

"I am glad I wasn't there for that. I am sure I would have hit the floor next to him. I don't know what I would do if he died Tom. Losing him would probably hurt me more then when my father left. No, I know it would." She started to cry again.

"Hey come on now, we have to give off positive energy so Chakotay's spirits can surround him with it. You know that." Handing her a tissue Tom hugged her again.

"Thanks Tom, you are a good friend, to me and I think even Chakotay. Won't that surprise him?'"

"Actually I don't think so now. I was surprised he was okay with me helping the doctor. It made me feel pretty good that he trusted me like that."

"Tom he trusts you with his life every day we all do."

"I suppose you are right." Tom shivered a little

"You okay?"

"Yea, I was just remembering how he looked in the messhall. I hated that. I reminded me of…." He couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Reminded you of what Tom?"

"My mom." He whispered. "She had a heart attack when I was in the Academy. I was home for the weekend. I found her. Gods I was never so scared in my life." Tom trembled at the memory.

"But she is okay right? She is still alive isn't she?"

"No she died, a few months later from complications." A single tear rolled down Tom's face. He didn't want to talk about this anymore.

"I am sorry Tom, I didn't know." B'Elanna hugged him tight.

"It's okay B'El, I am over it. Just seeing Chakotay look that way earlier brought it all back to me."

"Chakotay will be fine, he is strong." She was trying to convince herself as well as Tom.

"Yes he will be just fine. He will have friends to help him through this."

"Yeah if we can keep him from going crazy. He isn't one to sit around much other then when he is meditating. And he hates having to depend on others."

"Well he will just have to get over it. Because he will be sitting around for a while and he is going to get help whether he likes it or not. I for one am going to make sure he does everything he is suppose to do to get better." The conviction and determination was quite evident. B'Elanna covered her mouth trying to conceal a yawn.

"Look you are tired and I am getting there too. Let's get some sleep now. You can stay here. Take the bed I will sleep on the couch."

"No that isn't necessary. I can make it back to my quarters. Thank you Tom for talking to me. I really do appreciate it." She hugged him again and kissed him on the cheek.

"Anytime B'Elanna, you sure you don't want to stay? I promise I will keep my hands to myself." He smiled brightly

"Pig!"

"Thank you!"

"Good Night Tom see you in a few hours. Call me if there is any change okay?"

"Sure thing good night B'El, sleep well and dream sweet." Tom kissed her on the cheek and then triggered the door for her to leave. He turned back and headed of his bedroom. Silently he prayed he would handle things better this time. Tom felt it was a chance to make up for not being helpful when his mother went through her illness.

@@@@@@@@@

Chakotay found himself in the woods of his home planet. How did he get here? Why was he here? He looked around for his family but he saw no one. He listened for familiar sounds that he expected but what he heard was a constant low hum. He wanted to stand but he knew he couldn't, so there he sat waiting. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for but wait he did. Sitting back against the log he found behind him, he looked around just enjoying being home. His mind wandered back to a time when there was peace all around. No fear of invasion, no fear of the loss of life. His father was dead he remembered now. His home planet had been devastated in attacked by the Cardassians. He felt a sadness come over him remembering the pain and loss. Then he heard a noise, no a voice, a voice of a person that shouldn't be here. He turned to see Kathryn standing off in the distance and so were B'Elanna and Tom. Why were they here? He called out to them but they didn't seem to hear him. He tried to get up and go to them but he couldn't. Their voices came to him louder this time.

"Why isn't he awake? It's been three days." Kathryn sounded frustrated

"I am sorry captain, I don't know. The doctor said that we should just let him be. He will come around when he is ready." Tom also sounded frustrated but it seemed to be directed at Kathryn. 

"I want to try medicine wheel ritual again. Maybe I did something wrong the last time. Maybe it was because there was negative energy in the room." B'Elanna was angry.

"I can't believe that Harry would have given off negative energy B'El. He isn't like that." Tom defended his friend.

"Well I know what I felt and if I felt it don't you think that Chakotay and the spirits did too?" Chakotay sat up further when he heard his name. Why were they worried about him and his spirits?

"B'Elanna I am sure that Mr. Kim's energy was not meant to be negative. Everyone deals with grief and sadness in different ways." Kathryn tried to reassure the younger woman but Chakotay saw that it only infuriated her more.

"I don't mean to be disrespectful Captain but you didn't see him that night and you haven't seen his reaction or attitude the past couple of days. He seems to have a problem with all of us worrying about Chakotay." Now completely confused Chakotay again tried to get their attention, but to no avail.

"I won't argue with you B'Elanna if you want to try again it will be fine. The doctor said it would be good for Chakotay to sense that we are close." With that Kathryn seemed to fade away.

"B'Elanna I am sure that you are mistaken about Harry."

"Tom you said so yourself that Harry got pissed at you because the day after the surgery you opted to go to sickbay instead of joining him on the holodeck."

"Yeah but that doesn't mean he has a problem with anyone worrying about Chakotay."

"No? Than tell me why he went off on Dalby when he interrupted Harry during lunch yesterday to ask you how Chakotay was." B'Elanna was yelling now.

"I can't B'El I don't understand it myself. Maybe he just isn't good at dealing with things like this." Chakotay couldn't make sense of any of the conversation and he was just about to give up listening when he heard.

"Tom, would you help me? I mean maybe if there are two of us it will help. Maybe I am not in the right frame of mind or something." 

"B'Elanna I have no clue about Chakotay's beliefs or his customs. I don't know if I would be a help or a hindrance."

"There is information in the data base go and read up on it flyboy and meet me back here in two hours." She snorted and then she seemed to fade anyway. Tom walked a bit closer to where Chakotay was sitting. Again Chakotay tried to call out to him but he didn't hear.

"Well Chakotay I guess we are going to get closer whether either one of us wants it or not. I just hope I don't make things worse for you. Could you wake up within the next two hours and save me some embarrassment please?" Tom faded away as the words sunk in.

'Wake up? I am awake' Chakotay said to no one. 'Well maybe I'm not awake. SHIT!' Chakotay leaned back further on to the log and started to think. After a few minutes he realized that he was in the spirit plain not on his home planet, like he had originally thought. 'Took you long enough to figure that out didn't it old man'. But why, why was Kathryn. Tom and B'Elanna there with him? What was going on?

"You are not well my child." Chakotay turned to see his guide, why hadn't he heard her come up to him?

"You didn't hear me because you are not really here."

"Please sister I am confused enough as it is."

"Chakotay you have been quite ill. You are sleeping, I believe the doctor called the sleep a coma."

"A coma? Why?" he couldn't remember 

"Your heart was distressed you needed rest."

"I had a heart attack. I remember now. Kathryn said they were going to operate."

"Yes and now everyone is waiting for you to wake up."

"Okay so how do I do that? I can't seem to move here."

"Just relax my child. When your friend comes for you go with him."

"My friend? Him?"

"Yes the blonde headed one that was here. He will be here soon when he comes go with him he will lead you back."

"Tom? Tom is going to help me back? He said himself that he doesn't know what to do. How can he help me? Why would he help me?" Again confused and a little frustrated. 

"Because he is the one that will help. Why do you question the spirits?"

"I am sorry sister. I don't mean to I just.. I am so confused."

"You are forgiven. I do understand. Just allow Tom to take you back and be well I will be waiting here for you." With that she was gone.

'Okay so I wait.' Chakotay thought. He closed his eyes and relaxed. He tried to remember what had happened. He could remember deciding he needed time off. He remembered having lunch with Kathryn it felt good to be working towards fixing their friendship again. But then things got fuzzy, he could remember pain, immeasurable pain. After that he can't remember much of anything until he woke up here. Trying to calm himself and remember all that he heard. Chakotay didn't think that one person's negative feelings would cause a problem.

Then he thought why would Harry Kim be giving off negative feelings about him? He couldn't think of anything that he had ever done to make the Ensign not like him. Chakotay thought he was always been nice to the young man. Tried to show interest and encourage Harry to come up with ways to get them out of situations. He thought he had supported him whenever it was necessary. Maybe he was wrong, when he got back from wherever he was he would think further on it. But for now he was just going to have to deal with the fact that Tom Paris was going to be the one who helped him go back.

Suddenly Chakotay heard a noise above him, he looked up and saw a bird. No it was an eagle. Strange he had never seen that before in his vision quests but then again this wasn't and ordinary vision quest. He sat up and watched the eagle it was circling above him. It was as if she was letting someone know where he was. He looked around the woods, he thought he heard another noise, like someone stepping on leaves.  
He tried to stand again but he couldn't. He wondered if he could get whoever was waling to hear him.

"Hello?" he called out "Who is there?"

"Chakotay?" It was Tom "Chakotay can you hear me?" His voice sounded what? Unsure? 

"TOM! Over here!" Chakotay tried to stand but still couldn't.

"Chakotay? Where are you? I can't see you."

"Tom come to the east."

"Just keep talking."

"How did you get here? Keep coming to the east. You sound like you are getting closer."

"How in hell would you know that?"

"Well you don't exactly have the lightest step Lieutenant. I can hear you crunching along." He laughed.

"Yea well you can teach me how to step lighter some other time." With that Tom came out into the clearing where Chakotay was sitting.

"Geez Chief I gotta tell you, you are one difficult patient." Tom came and sat down next to Chakotay.

"Hey you were here earlier and I tried to get your attention you aren't most attentive medic either."

"This is my first trip to wherever we are Chief." Tom seemed confused.  
Oh right it was my vision you weren't here before sorry."

"HUH?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Well I have to tell you I am glad that my thinking to following that eagle was right. Though that damn wolf I saw scared the hell out of me."

"That damn wolf is my spirit guide." Chakotay snorted

"And I am guessing that the eagle is yours."

"Oh Shit! I hope I didn't upset anything by seeing your guide Chakotay."

"No you didn't she wanted you to see her. She was helping."

"Helping? Is that what that was? I have to admit I ran like hell in the opposite direction I was going when I saw her." Tom leaned back against the log and breathed a sigh of relief. 

"When you went in the opposite direction did you keep going that way?"

"Yeah until I heard you."

"Then she was helping. She had you turn around." He grinned.

"I guess you are right but still I don't think I have ever been so scared. Thinking I was going to be eaten alive in my dream by some wolf." Chakotay laughed.

"She wouldn't have harmed you. Maybe just knocked you down and pointed you in the right direction if you didn't listen."

"Oh that's a comforting thought. I would have had a heart attack…." OH Shit sorry Chakotay."

"For what?"

"For making light of what you have been through."

"Tom, relax, it's okay." 

"So you think the eagle was my guide?"

"Yes I do, I am not sure why but I do."

"Wow that is pretty cool. An eagle huh? Guess it would make some sense I do love to fly." Tom turned and smiled at Chakotay. When he looked back in front of him he saw the eagle sitting on the back of the wolf that had scared him so.

"Hey they look like they are friends." He mused.

"Of course we are friends. Are you and Chakotay not friends?" the wolf seemed a bit perturbed.

"Yes we are friends." Tom was frightened that he had upset the wolf. He still wasn't completely sure she didn't want to eat him or at least take a bit out of him.

"Do not fear Thomas I don't want to bite you. NOW!" Chakotay laughed at his guide.

"Sister you shouldn't scare him he might not stick around to help me."

"Oh believe me I am not going anywhere unless you come with me Chakotay. Though I am still not sure how I got here."

"Well what do you remember?" The eagle asked this.

"I was sitting on my bed, I was reading a padd about the usage of the medicine wheel. B'Elanna had asked me to help her. She thought maybe she did something wrong or because of bad energy she swears Harry was giving off."

"I know I heard" Chakotay frown at the memory of B'Elanna accusing Harry of having a problem with him, no with others worrying about him.

"You did? How?" Tom was surprised 

"Yes I told you that you were here before remember? You, Kathryn and B'Elanna, I could hear but you couldn't hear me"

"I am sorry Chakotay. You shouldn't have heard that."

"Tom it isn't your fault. You didn't know. Besides if Harry is having a problem of some kind I would probably figure it out eventually."

"Chakotay I don't know if Harry has a problem with you. I think he just hasn't had to deal with people close to him being ill. Not like you have been."

"Could be. So how do we get out of here?" Chakotay looked at the two guides. He noticed that they were both "shaking" their heads. He had a feeling they were disagreeing with Tom's assessment of Harry's reactions but he didn't say anything.

"Tom take Chakotay's hand." The wolf directed and he did so. 

"Now Chakotay relax. Tom when you have a dream you want to come out of what do you do?" The eagle questioned him but he had a feeling she already knew the answer.

"Usually I "force" myself to wake up."

"No need to force anything here. Just think about waking up but include Chakotay in your thoughts. Tell your mind to wake up, tell Chakotay's mind to wake up. Chakotay hold Tom's hand it might be a bit strange because Tom is the one in control here. Don't fight him." The eagle instructed. 

Tom closed his eyes and began talking to himself 'wake up Tommy boy, Chief wake up.' He said it over and over again. At one point he felt like he was being pulled back 'Chakotay don't fight me' He called out in his mind. He could feel Chakotay there in the distance. 'Remember what the eagle said let me be in control here you can do that for a couple of minutes can't you?' Tom felt the pull disappear so he began his mental talk again. It seemed like it took forever but than again it felt like no time at all.

"Tom! Wake up!" He heard B'Elanna calling him.

"Tom get up come on we have to get to sickbay. I want to do this as quickly as possible."

"B'Elanna? I am back?"

"Back? You didn't go anywhere except to sleep." Tom jumped off the bed and grabbed his comm badge that was on his dresser.

"Paris to the Doctor"

"Yes Mr. Paris?"

"Is Chakotay awake?" 

"I am in my office. Why would you think he was awake?"

"Could you go and check please? B'Elanna and I are on our way."

"Of course Mr. Paris. Though I am not sure why you would think the commander has woken up."

"Just check Doc okay?" Tom said again as he and B'Elanna left his quarters and made their way to the lift.

"Sickbay to Mr. Paris."

"Yeah Doc?"

"It would seem that the commander is coming out of his coma. How did you know that?" B'Elanna looked at Tom as if she wanted to ask the same question.

"I will explain when I get there. Can you contact the captain?"

"Certainly Mr. Paris, sickbay out."

"Tom?" B'Elanna was confused. "How did you know?"

"I will explain I promise B'El when we get there." They walked down the corridor in silently. Arriving at sickbay at the same time the captain did.

"Captain were you waiting outside the doors?" Tom laughed

"No actually I was in the Observation lounge on this deck, Tom. Just thinking."

"Oh okay. Well let's go in and see if Chakotay wakes up now."

The three of them walked into sickbay to find the doctor standing over Chakotay running a diagnostic scan.

"Ah good you are all here. It would seem that Commander Chakotay is out of his coma and is now sleeping."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOC people here/... Needed for story plot

Things Change 3

 

Tom, Kathryn and B'Elanna approached the sleeping man. Tom stepped forward and put his hand on Chakotay's shoulder.

"Chakotay can you hear me? Come on it's time to wake up."

"Mr. Paris I think it would be a bit premature to believe the commander would wake up so soon after being in a coma for three days."

"Come on Chief, I did my part it's your turn now." Tom continued to talk to Chakotay ignoring the doctor. Kathryn and B'Elanna stood back in surprise that Tom was being so intimate with him. Since when were Tom and Chakotay that close?

"Tom?" a weak voice was heard.

"Yeah, Chief time to wake up."

"Back?"

"Yes, you are back."

"Thanks, Tom." Chakotay seemed a bit more coherent. The doctor stepped forward and examined him.

"Well it seems that the commander has beaten the odds once again."

"Nice to see you too doctor." Kathryn stepped up to the bed.

"Welcome back Chakotay it's good to see you awake."

"It's good to be seen Kathryn, especially after last time."

"Last time?"

"Long story Captain I will explain." Tom injected. B'Elanna walked around to the other side of the bed.

"Chakotay you scared me, you can't do that to me again." She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. Chakotay smiled and whispers

"You shouldn't be so impatient and I think you are right about Harry Kim." No one heard him but B'Elanna, she looked down at him with a question in her eyes. 

"Tom will explain." He whispered again. She nodded and stood up.

"I think my patient needs to rest and Mr. Paris you were going to explain to me how you knew the commander was not in a coma anymore."

"You didn't tell them yet?" Chakotay turned back to Tom.

"Haven't have time yet chief. You rest now, I have a few questions for you later myself." Tom smiled at the older man patted his arm and turned to the others in the room.

"I would like to know myself what is going on." Kathryn spoke in her best command voice.

"Kathryn don't be too hard on Tom. He was just doing what he had to. I think I will go back to sleep now. Have fun explaining Tom." Chakotay closed his eyes and fell back to sleep.

"Gee thanks big guy." Tom snorted.

"Mr. Paris if you would." The doctor pointed towards his office. 

Tom led the others followed. When they all got comfortable Tom explained what had happened while he was looking into the medicine wheel ritual. And how he ended up helping Chakotay find his way back. He briefly explained that Chakotay had heard Kathryn, B'Elanna and him talking earlier so he knew that someone would be coming for him soon enough. That was half the battle evidently Tom said. 

"So you are telling me that you, someone who isn't that close with Chakotay, had to be the one to 'bring him home'?" B'Elanna seemed a bit annoyed.

"I am not sure if it had to be me B'El. It could be that because I was the first to get to a sleep or meditation state so I helped. I don't really know."

"Okay I guess that could be it. I am wondering now if maybe it was because of the negative flow in here the last time."

"I have no idea B'El but what is important is that Chakotay is awake and now we can help him get well again." 

"I agree, doctor what will Chakotay have to do to bring his health back to an acceptable level?" Kathryn was eager to get her friend and first officer back on his feet.

"First of all he can not start off as he left off. It will have to be slow and gradual. The first few weeks will entail just getting him strong enough to get through the day to day things. He will be quite weak and he will need assistance for at least the first four to six weeks. He will not be able to do much of anything that includes walking around or showering. The Commander will be spending a good deal of time resting. There should be someone with him at all times. As a matter of fact he will most likely not feel comfortable alone. There will be a whole range of emotions that the commander will go through he is going to need a lot of emotional support, even if he thinks he can do it on his own."

"I know Chakotay will not ask for help but his friends will be there to support him. Perhaps we should see about making arrangements for people to spend sometime with him everyday." Kathryn had already decided that it was time to make up for what her had done the past two months. She would be there if Chakotay needed an ear.

"Captain I would like to volunteer my off duty time also. Maybe change my shift so you or I can be with him." Tom wanted to do this, he wanted to help Chakotay as much as possible.

"I want to help also. Between the three of us we can cover the day." B'Elanna injected then turned to the doctor. "He will need someone to be with him through the night right?"

"He will need someone with him 24 hours a day. I am not sure how he will react to that bit of information but I will not allow him to leave sickbay unless he agrees."

"He will agree I will make sure of it. I do not want to go through what I did last week again if I can help it." Kathryn was bound and determined to make sure Chakotay followed every recommendation and restriction the doctor put in place.

"Alright Captain, I will put together a schedule for him and his caregiver to follow over the next two days. I want him to here for the next 48 hours to monitor him. Between the surgery and the coma, I want to make sure there are no other complications."

"Understood. I need coffee and sleep. I am going to call it an early evening. Good Night everyone." Kathryn turned and left the office stopping by Chakotay's bed once more and saying a quiet good bye for now she left sickbay.

"I need to get to engineering."

"I will walk you out. I am hungry I missed lunch and dinner. I hope Neelix still has some dinner left. Thanks for everything doc."

"Just doing my job Lieutenant." 

 

Leaving sickbay B'Elanna went off to engineering and Tom headed for the messhall. When he got there he grabbed himself something green and orange then headed of a table in the corner. He wanted some time to think about what had happened today. Neelix came out of the kitchen and noticed Tom.

"Tom, how is the commander?" He asked walking over to him.

"He is awake now Neelix. The doctor seems to think the worst is over." A few of the crew heard what Tom said so they came over and started asking questions. Tom decided once again to keep the information to a minimum just saying that Chakotay came out of the coma and had been awake for a few minutes. No complaints of pain or anything.

While Tom was explaining things Harry came in. He had asked for a location on Tom twice the first time he was in sickbay 'Of course he is' Harry had thought 'isn't he always there now?' The second time he found that Tom was in the mess hall, he figured he would once again see if his friend could drag himself away from the "wondrous" Commander Chakotay's bedside.

Harry was getting more and more aggravated over everyone's constant babbling about the commander. He bet no one worried this much about him when he was in a coma or missing. What was so damned special about the commander? He had been asking himself the same thing for the four days and still hadn't come up with an answer. He just didn't see it.

Harry noticed the small crowd around Tom. 'Once again he is playing message boy for the commander.' Harry thought harshly to himself. 'I just don't get it. As soon as the commander wakes up he will be all over Tom again like always. Picking on him, pointing out his faults. I don't get it.'

"I see you decided to drag yourself out of sickbay Tom, nice of you to join the wakening world." Harry's voice dipped with sarcasm and disdain.

"Harry I am always in the wakening world and I don't spend all my time in sickbay."

"Could have fooled me." Harry mumbled.

"What is your problem Kim?" Ayala spoke up he was tired of the lousy attitude he had been seeing all week from this guy.

"I am not the one with the problem Ayala."

"No? Seems to me that you have had a chip on your shoulder all week."

"Maybe I have better things to do with my time than sit and cry over someone who isn't dead."

"Kim you are a fucking dead man." This was from Ken Dalby. Tom jumped up.

"Ken come on calm down. Harry didn't mean anything by it did you Harry?"

"Yeah right whatever Paris. I was going to ask if you wanted to go and play some pool but it seems that you have other plans. See ya" Harry turned and left the messhall. Not noticing all the glares he got.

"What was that all about Tom?" Neelix could not believe that the normally sweet, kind Ensign Kim would be so cold.

"I have no idea Neelix."

"You should have let me hit him Tom." Ken's fists were still clenched.

"You would have ended up in the brig Ken. Is it worth it?" Tom tried to reason with him.

"Tom I know he is your best friend and everything but you have not seen how he has been acting. It's almost like he resents Chakotay being ill." Ayala needed to let Tom know what many were thinking. "I am telling you that is not the first time this week that he has been this side of rude and nasty when it comes to people talking about Chakotay."

"I just don't understand it Greg, Harry isn't like that. He wouldn't begrudge anyone being ill." Tom was more confused now then when his friend was here and being rude. "Maybe I should talk to him."

"Maybe you should because if I hear him talk like that one more time I will be spending the night in the brig." Ken growled and walked away. Tom just shook his head, he really didn't want to play interference between the crew and Harry right now. Sighing he got up and grabbed his tray. Ayala put his hand on Tom's arm to stop him.

"Tom, I am not sure if anyone has said this but we all really appreciate everything you have done of Chakotay." 

"Thank you Greg, but I would do it for any one of the crew."

"Yeah most of them have finally figured that out Tom. I for one am glad I've known it for a long time. But still thank you, I think having you in Chak's corner will be a big help to him." Tom snorted

"There, maybe be one or two that wouldn't agree Greg but you're welcome. Chakotay is a friend I don't mind. But now speaking of friends I have one I need to go and talk too before I have to nurse him back to health too." Both men laughed and Tom left.

@@@@@@

Tom found Harry in Sandrine's slamming balls around the pool table. Approaching his friend cautiously.

"Hey Har, you didn't wait for me." Tom smiled

"Oh Gee I am sorry but now you know how it feels to be left alone." Harry snipped at him.

"Not watching the intrepid commander breath tonight?"

"What is going on with you Harry? Why are you so angry with me? With Chakotay for that matter?" Tom had never seen his friend this angry before about anything.

"I am so sick of listening to everyone talk about HIM like he is a fucking god or something. He is just a man!" Harry threw the pool cue on the table and stormed off to the bar. Tom was completely taken aback for a minute, he shook himself out of the shock he felt and followed him.

"Harry, I don't think anyone thinks Chakotay is a god or any other heavenly body. He did almost died the other day and in front of about a quarter of the crew including the Captain. One more thing, he is well liked and respected, a good part of this crew have been through hell and back with him before you or I ever got to know him. Most people don't want to think of him NOT being here."

"You are standing here telling me that YOU like him?" Harry raised his voice a little. Everyone in the bar seemed have stopped what he or she were doing and were watching and listening. "After all the bullshit he has put you through over the years? The name-calling, the accusations, his rude and cruel behavior towards you, you are standing here telling that you actually like him?" Now he was yelling and if either man had looked around the bar they would have noticed a number of the people there were ready to pounce on the ensign. 

"Harry, Chakotay and I have been friends for over a year now. We have moved past all that bullshit. We talked, cleared the air and buried the hatchet. You know that you were there for at least one of the talking session we had." Tom really couldn't understand what Harry's problem was.

"Oh that's right I forgot all about those little talks you and he had. Gracing you with his presence carefully listening to your explanations and you listening to his sugar coated words. That will all be out the nearest airlock the minute you screw up again Paris. Then he will be back to the self-righteous perfection seeking bastard he was before all that talk." There was a collective gasp at Harry's last words.

"That's it Kim, your ass is mine now." Ken Dalby had been seating in a corner of the bar watching Harry since he arrived. He got up and stormed across the bar, several people tried to stop them but he just pushed by them.

"I am going to throw you out a fucking airlock Kim!" Tom got in front of Harry again, as he did in the messhall, blocking Ken from hitting his friend.

"Ken don't do this it isn't worth it. Besides this is between Harry and me. Come on man don't do anything stupid."

"Yeah don't do anything stupid because the pompous commander isn't worth it." Harry took Tom's words and twisted them to his own liking. Something snapped inside Tom, he turned around and before anyone knew what was happening he punched Harry in the face. Harry stunned for a second fell backwards and landed on the floor.

"You, Harry, are the self-righteous, pompous, holier then thou bastard. If it wasn't for Chakotay your ass would have been space dust years ago." He shook out his hand to relieve the pain from hitting Harry, turned back to Ken and said

"Sorry I took your fun from you Ken but he is all your now." He stepped over Harry and walked towards the door. Seeing Greg Ayala standing there.

"I will be in sickbay when Tuvok comes looking for me." Greg just nodded his admiration for the pilot up yet another notch. He walked over to where Ken was glaring down at Harry.

"Ken I think Ensign Kim has had enough for one evening." Looking down

"Ensign Kim do you require medical assistance?"

"No" Harry answered gruffly.

"Good now I would suggest you return to your quarters and get cleaned up. I am sure that Commander Tuvok will have some questions for you later." Greg took a hold of Ken's arm and pulled him away from the younger man. Harry pulled himself up off the floor looked around noticing with disgust that everyone seemed to have agreed with Tom and left the bar.

@@@@

Tuvok was notified of both, the incident in Sandrine's and in the mess hall and after checking the location of the participants he chose to go and speak to Ensign Kim first. He was the one who had been hit. Although Tuvok could not understand why Lieutenant Paris would hit his best friend, he was sure that there was a perfectly good explanation. Mr. Paris had not been in any kind of serious trouble in quite some time.  
Arriving at Ensign Kim's quarters he rang the door chime and waited. 

"Enter" the doors swished open and Tuvok stepped in.

"Ensign Kim, I understand that you were assaulted this evening. I would like you to tell me what and why it happened to the best of your ability."

"Sure Commander. Have a seat would you like something?"

"No thank you I am not thirsty. Please tell me what happened."

"Well first Ken Dalby threatened me in the mess hall because he didn't like something I said about Commander Chakotay. Then Tom and I were having a discussion in Sandrine's and I guess we got a bit loud. Dalby again was listening to our conversation and he came after me. Tom tried to stop him but he was in full 'Maquis don't mess with me mode'. I mean he was pushing people away from him, knocking them down. He said my ass was his and he swung at me. Tom raised his hand to stop the punch and I got hit with Tom's hand instead of Ken's" 

Harry rushed through his story. He wasn't about to get Tom in trouble. He might be angry with Tom but he was still his friend, even if he was temporarily blinded by hero worship. Besides it was Dalby's fault and he was sure that no one actually saw Tom hit him. They were too busy looking at Dalby.

Tuvok listened quietly he was shocked that the ensign had lied to him. He had the report, he knew that Tom was with one who hit him, but Tuvok decided not to point that fact out to Mr. Kim just yet. 

"I see. What did you say that would have made Mr. Dalby so angry that he wanted to hit you?"

"I am not really sure, Tom and I were discussing Commander Chakotay and his past treatment of him."

"This make Mr. Dalby angry? It was never a secret that the commander and the lieutenant had problems in the past. Why would he get angry because you two were discussing it?"

"I have no idea, maybe because everyone is only claiming the wonderful things the commander has done in the past lately. Maybe he just didn't like to be reminded that the commander isn't as wonderful as everyone is trying to make him out to be."

"I see and you were just reminding Mr. Paris of the commander's wrong doings over the years."

"Yes I mean just because the guy is in sickbay that doesn't negate his failings." Harry was relieved Tuvok seemed to understand what he had been feeling all week. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Indeed. Well thank you Ensign Kim. I will get back to you about possible charges being brought against Mr. Dalby."

"Oh I want to press charges alright."

"As I said I will get back you. Good night Ensign."

"Good night Commander and thank you."

Tuvok stepped out of Harry's quarters and called for another location check on Tom. He was still in sickbay. He also called for check on Ken Dalby and found he was in his quarters. Tuvok did not want to interview Mr. Paris while he was with the commander. The captain had informed him that Chakotay's health was tenuous at best right now. It would not be logical to upset him at this point. Tuvok made his way to Ken's quarters and rang the door chime again. The door opened and Tuvok entered finding Mr. Dalby, Lieutenant Ayala, Gerron and few other former Maquis crewmembers.

"Commander Tuvok please come in." Ken stood and showed he a chair.

"Thank you Mr. Dalby, I am sure you know why I am here."

"Yes sir, I figured you would come and talk to me. I am sorry that Tom is in trouble but I am not sorry that asshole Kim got knocked back."

"Mr. Dalby I would appreciate it if you would refrain from using crude language."

"Sorry"

"Now could you tell me what happened. First in the messhall and then again on the holodeck."

"Of course Commander." Ken proceeded to tell Tuvok what happened from his point of view.

"Then Tom turned around and punched Kim in the face. Shocked the he.. Heck out of me that is for sure." The others in the room nodded their agreement to that statement.

"I see. Can anyone add anything to Mr. Dalby's statement?" Everyone shook his or her heads.

"Tuvok I would like to add that Ensign Kim has had an attitude all week about Chakotay. It was almost like he was looking to fight with someone about how they felt having Chakotay in sickbay." Greg wanted to make sure that Tuvok knew Ken was not just acting on some whim or having a bad day. The feelings of wanting to hit Harry Kim had been building all week and not just by Ken.

"Thank you Lieutenant. I will leave you to yourselves now but please know that I might be calling on you again if there is a formal inquiry"

"Tuvok you aren't going to charge Tom are you?"

"That is not up to me, I must present the facts as I learn them to the Captain it will be up to her."

"Well if Tom is going to be charged then I want you to charged also. I was the one who started the whole thing." Ken voiced his opinion.

"There is no way I am going to let Tom go through it alone. If I hadn't gone over to Harry, Tom probably wouldn't have hit him. So it's just as much my responsibility as it is Tom's"

"Thank you Mr. Dalby I am sure that Mr. Paris will appreciate your willingness to take responsibility for your actions. I will also inform the captain of your desire to take responsibility for your acts." Tuvok stood and left Ken's quarters. Once again calling for a location check on Tom, still in sickbay. 'Well I suppose I will have no choice but approach him there.'

"Tuvok to the Captain."

"Janeway here. What can I do for you Tuvok?"

"Captain would you please meet me in sickbay there is a matter I wish to discuss with you and Mr. Paris and he appears to be visiting with the commander at this time."

"Certainly Tuvok, I am going to assume that this has to do with the incident in Sandrine's."

"Yes captain it does."

"Alright I am on my way. Janeway out."

Tuvok made his way to sickbay, along the way he was given various accounts of what happened on the holodeck earlier that evening. One common theme was that Mr. Kim was yelling and generally causing a disturbance. A few people who had been close enough to actually hear everything told him that Tom tried everything to calm Harry down. He tried to be rational with him but the ensign seemed dead set on making sure everyone knew that he resented the commander and how everyone looked at him. Tom evidently was pushed to a breaking point. One crewman described the lieutenant's facial features as changing, almost as if he looked like another person before he hit the ensign. 

Arriving at sickbay Tuvok entered to find Tom sitting by Chakotay's bed talking to him. Tuvok could see that the commander was not awake or he believed he wasn't because his eyes were closed. The doctor was in his office, Tuvok went to find out how the commander was doing and to ask if he could use his office once the captain arrived.  
Tom heard the door open and looked up to find Tuvok looking at him.

"Well Chief, I think the Mounties have arrived. I sure hope I don't end up in the brig for too long I want to be around to help you out, no arguing with me or the captain or the doctor for that matter. You will need to rest and go slow in your recovery you won't be climbing any mountain ranges soon or any of that long distance running you love so much." Tom just kept talking to the sleeping man. 

He figured Tuvok would come and get him soon enough. The next time Tom heard the doors swish open he looked up to see the captain walk in. When she didn't immediately come over to Chakotay's bed, instead went over to Tuvok, he figured he was in major trouble. When Tuvok and the captain finished talking Tuvok went over to Tom.   
"Lieutenant Paris, may I have a word with you in the doctor's office?"

"Sure Tuvok. Gotta go now Chakotay, I will be back whenever I can." He patted the older man's shoulder stood up and followed Tuvok. Once in the office he stood at attention waiting for the pronouncement to be made.

"At ease Tom this is an informal inquiry only." The captain reassured him with a smile. He relaxed and leaned against the window.

"Tom can you tell Tuvok and me what happened at Sandrine's to cause Ken Dalby to punch Harry?" Tom was shocked.

"Ken didn't punch Harry I did. Who told you Ken punched him?" 

"Mr. Kim explained that you and he were having a discussion and Mr. Dalby interfered. When Mr. Dalby raised his fist to hit the ensign you blocked the punch but he ended up getting hit anyway."

"Tuvok that is not what happened. Not at all."

"Why don't you tell us what happened Tom." He explained the scene in the messhall and then later on the holodeck.

"I am sorry captain, I was already angry with him for saying all that stuff about Chakotay, when he called him a pompous bastard I just snapped. I mean Harry is my friend yes but so is Chakotay. I would like to think that I would have reacted the same way if it were Harry being spoken about like that. I just don't understand why Harry is so angry."

"I am at a loss myself for his reaction Tom." Tuvok stated.

"My question is why did he choose to lie to Tuvok about what happened? He knew he would be speaking to the others involved." Kathryn was perplexed as to why Harry Kim was acting what could only be described as out of character.

"I don't know captain, he was probably hoping to keep me out of trouble. But why would Harry be willing to press charges against Ken when he didn't touch him? There has got to be something going on here we don't know about. I have never known Harry to be so cruel." Tom was still perplexed about his friend's reaction to everything.

"Perhaps I should go and talk to him. Maybe he will tell me what is going on." Kathryn volunteered.

"Captain no offense bit I am not sure Harry would feel comfortable opening up to you."

"Well he will open up to me if I have to rip his jaw off to do it." No one noticed B'Elanna entering sickbay or coming over to the office after checking on Chakotay. 

"Lieutenant Torres there has been enough violence for one day." Tuvok plainly stated.

"Yeah well someone had better figure out what Harry Kim's problem is before he ends up laying next to Chakotay. From what I understand that is something he would never want to have happen. I can not believe he could be so ugly especially about Chakotay I always thought he liked and respected him."

"I will leave it in your hands Tuvok. The doctor has come up with a schedule for Chakotay and I would like to see what we could do to implement it as soon as possible. Then I want to go back to my quarters and attempt to go to sleep."

"Of course Captain and remember that I am willing to help the commander with his recovery in anyway I can."

"I will add you to the list Tuvok thank you."

"Captain can I talk to you about Chakotay's schedule and what it will involve in private for a minute?" Tom inquired quietly. 

Looking around the room through hooded eyes gauging the reactions of the others. He had made up his mind after the scene with Harry that he would use all his energy helping Chakotay not wasting it on trying to make his friend understand why he felt he should help. Tom noticed B'Elanna was staring at him, but she didn't say anything.

"I am going to go and sit with Chakotay for a bit before I turn in." B'El said and walked out of the office wondering what Tom was going to do.

She hoped that he wouldn't take away his offer to help because that little shit Harry gave him a hard time. She had heard from several people what happened in both places. She was seriously thinking of introducing Harry's nose to his ear, but she heard Tom had already done that. Tuvok followed B'Elanna out, almost hearing her thoughts.

"Lieutenant Torres, it would be more productive to find out why Mr. Kim is feeling so hostile instead of bringing more hostility to the foreground."

"I know that Tuvok but I am so angry at him, for provoking Tom and so many others. He really doesn't know how many people don't like him right now."

"Perhaps I will talk with him again and this time I will express not only others displeasure with him but my own."

"That might do it Tuvok. I know he respects you but then again I thought he respected Chakotay too."

"I believe that Ensign Kim is having problems that have nothing to do with respect. If that was the case he would have not lied to me about the incident on the holodeck."

"He lied to you? Now I am shocked!"

"As am I. Good Night Lieutenant."

"Good Night Tuvok."


	4. Chapter 4

"Tom what would you like to discuss?"

"Captain if it is alright with you and the doctor I would like to take on the responsibility of being Chakotay's major caregiver."

"You would? Why?"

"I feel that he might respond to me better then anyone else. Mostly because of what we experienced earlier today, the other reason is I want to. I suppose you could say this is my chance to make up for a few things I didn't do once before."

"Tom you don't still feel responsible for your mother not coming through her illness."

"I do in a way captain. If I had stayed home instead of going back to the Academy and then spending my summer in France perhaps she would have lived longer or even still be alive today."

"Tom you have no way of knowing if that is true or not. From what your father told me the doctor's weren't very hopeful to begin with."

"Perhaps you are right but I can't change the way I feel. And if helping Chakotay recover helps me come to terms with that, well I need to try."

"Alright Tom we will discuss it with Chakotay and if he agrees I will give you off for the first few weeks he is back in his quarters and then we will take it from there. But you will not do it alone B'Elanna, Tuvok and I will help you."

"Thank you captain I appreciate you giving me this chance."

"You are welcome, now how about we go see if the doctor will wake Chakotay and we will discuss further."

They walked out of the office and back to Chakotay, B'Elanna was now sitting in the chair that Tom had vacated earlier and the doctor was checking readings.

"Doctor do you think you could wake the commander up? We have a few things we need to discuss with him."

"No need I am awake already." Chakotay answered for the doctor

"Chakotay how are you feeling?" B'Elanna up and hugged him.

"Like I went ten rounds with Mohammed Ali and lost." The reference to the 20th century boxer was lost on everyone but Tom who laughed. Chakotay smiled it him.

"If that means you feel like you got beat up pretty bad you did. We had to crack open your ribs to get to your heart and the artery that was blocked. We moved a number of muscled and tendons around."

"Thank you doctor for the gory details." Kathryn stopped him from going any further, she could barely think of them operating let alone knowing exactly that entailed.

"Chakotay as you may have guessed you will have a long road to recovery. The doctor has made out a schedule of things that you will be able to do and when. In order to get out of here anytime soon you will need someone to be with you at all times."

"I figured that much. So who has the honors of putting up with the bear with the thorn in his claw?" 

"I would like to Chakotay. That is if you don't mind." Tom stepped forward. 

To say that the doctor and B'Elanna were shocked would have been an understatement. But when they heard Chakotay's response you could have knocked the both of them over with a feather.

"That would be fine Tom. I appreciate your volunteering that is if you did in fact volunteer and aren't being punished for punching Harry."

"How? You heard me?"  
"I guess I did."

"Well I am not being punished and I did volunteer." Tom smiled

"Fine when can I get out of here?"

"The day after tomorrow I have a few tests I want to run then I will release you to Mr. Paris' care. Then I expect to see you here every other day for the two weeks. That will change to every three days the following two weeks and depending on how you are responding to the medication and the therapy I will probably change it to once every seven days for a month." The doctor paused for a moment he knew that what he was going to say next would not go over well with the commander. 

"Commander you do understand that you will be extremely limited to your activities for the next four to six weeks. That means you will be spending most of your time in bed. Baths or showers are out for the first week and after that you will some assistance until we are sure that you experience no dizziness when standing for long periods of time." Another pause, he waited but didn't get the resistance he expected.

"Exercise, while normally is recommended within two weeks of a heart attack, will be something else I am going to say no to. The reason being because of your age, if you were a few years older your body would have built collateral circulation around the blockage. That was not the case with you. Also, I had to replace the artery because the blockage was over 90 percent, instead of putting in a stent, which means that wound, if you will, has to heal natural." Once again the doctor paused giving the commander a chance to comprehend exactly what he had been through.

"Your eating habits will have to change a bit but we will discuss that later. It is important that you adhere to the schedule I have outlined. You can not push yourself or your heart too far too soon. It maybe that you will never again be able to do some of the things you did before."

"I understand doctor. I will do my best to listen to you and everyone else." While listening to the doctor he had been stunned by the actual damage his heart had.

"Very well, Mr. Paris, I will discharge the commander to your care at 0900 hours the day after tomorrow. Now I have other things I must attend to." The doctor left them to continue their discussion.

"Chakotay you will listen to the doctor or I will confine you to sickbay for the duration of your recovery." Kathryn threatened.

"Kathryn I promise I will be a good boy and take all my medicine regardless of what form it comes in." He grinned at her

"Listen Mister, don't get cocky with me. I am still your captain!" She softened the statement with a smile.

"Yes ma'am" Everyone laughed at the sarcasm

"Captain, I will make sure that Chakotay follows the doctor's order to the best of both our abilities. If there is any problems I will contact the doctor or you immediately."

"Oh you're no fun Tom." Chakotay laughed.

"Hey I was the one with my hands in your chest I will be damned if you are going to undo all my work." He smirked

Chakotay sighed "If I haven't thanked you already Tom thank you for everything you did. And I promise to listen." 

"Now that that is settled. B'Elanna, Tuvok and myself will be available to help Tom with whatever is needed. Although Tuvok will be the one to help with the necessary physical things you have to do." Tom and Chakotay both blushed and the ladies laughed.

"I think I will be able to handle that by myself."

 

"No you can't the doctor said you can not take a shower or a bath for at least the first week and after that only with assistance. Were you not paying attention?" Kathryn felt a bit of anger but mostly distress that Chakotay just might give them a hard time over all the imposed limitations.

"Oh that is ridiculous. I have been bathing myself since I was four years old. I don't need help."

"Chief it's not that you can't do it. You will be weak and unsteady for a while. You are going to need help." Tom was worried, he didn't want to have to make Chakotay listen, but he wasn't going to lose another person to the possible complications from heart attack because they wouldn't listen to a doctor. 

"I am not sure about this. I don't know if I can do this." Chakotay groaned. There was no way he was getting naked in front of either of those men.

"Chakotay you have to, it's either me and Tuvok or the Doc which do you prefer?"

"None of the above, you wouldn't want to volunteer B'Elanna would you?" He smiled cheekily at her.

"Been there, done that, have the tee shirt. Chakotay I love you dearly but at this point in my life showering with you would be like showering with my father." She kissed his cheek and whispered, "Besides I know you wouldn't mind a man checking out the equipment. You never know you might get lucky." Chakotay pulled back in horror.

"No thank you!" 

"What is wrong Chakotay?" Kathryn watched the exchange between her first officer and her chief engineer but she couldn't figure out why Chakotay looked horrified.  
B'Elanna just laughed and winked at him.

"Nothing Kathryn B'Elanna was just reminding me of something I had forgotten."

"Well don't upset him B'El he is suppose to remain calm." Tom was just as confused as the captain at the little exchange between the other two. B'Elanna just smiled and stepped away.

"Chakotay don't worry we will figure out something. You could always not bathe for a couple of weeks. Then again you would be on your own a lot sooner then the doctor says you should be." Tom grinned. He wasn't too thrilled at the idea of having to bathe Chakotay but he would do whatever was necessary. He could do it he was a medic after all. Besides the thought of seeing any other man naked didn't do anything for him anymore, not after what he had been through.

"Thanks but I prefer not to go unwashed for four weeks. As a matter of fact I have having a difficult time now. I feel rather unclean." Chakotay said with a bit of disgust he did feel dirty. He hated not bathing everyday, even while he was in the Maquis he made sure he was clean. 

"Maybe the doctor was let you use the portable sonic cleanser. I will go to your quarters and get you something clean to wear." Tom volunteered.

"That would be great Tom thanks. My access code is Chakotay alpha two four."

"I will bring the things back in the morning. Can you wait until then to get cleaned up?"

"I am tired now. Yes I can wait until the morning. I suppose a couple of more hours won't hurt." With that said Chakotay closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Tom decided that it was time for him to go to bed. He still had one shift to get through and Harry would be behind him all day. He was still angry with his friend and still perplexed at his attitude. But He decided he wasn't going to worry about it. It was Harry's problem not his. He bid good night to the two women and left. The women followed suit going off to bed.

 

@@@@@@@@@

The following day's duty shift was strained to say the least. Tom ignored Harry except when necessary in the line of duty. B'Elanna choose to work at the engineering station on the bridge, but she spent most of her time growling at Harry. Greg Ayala was at Tactical as it was Tuvok's scheduled day off, also spent a lot of time glaring at Harry. Kathryn trying her damnest not to tell them all to act their ages. Finally giving up she turned the bridge over to Tom and went to her ready room.

Lunch break came Greg invited Tom and B'Elanna to join him and a couple of others, which they gladly accepted, leaving Harry miffed that he would have spend his hour alone. Kathryn contemplated having Harry join her but after the unprofessional display he showed during the morning part of the shift she decided against it. She didn't think she could make it through the meal without slapping him upside the head and telling him to grow up. 

The afternoon was just as bad as if not worse then the morning. Harry sighed and grumbled more. B'Elanna practically barking out engineering demands to him. Tom trying harder to concentrate on flying then what was going on behind him. Kathryn took pity on him and at 1400 hours she summoned Tom to her ready room.

"Captain you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, Tom come in sit down."

"Thank you ma'am."

"Tom are you okay? The tension out there is so thick I could cut it with a knife."

"I am fine captain. I apologize for my part in the tension. I want to apologize to Harry but part of me is saying that it should be him who apologizes, even though I am the one who hit him."

"Well I can understand it is hard to be in conflict with your best friend and then have to work with them. Believe I have been there, quite recently too."

"Permission to speak freely captain."

"Of course Tom."

"Captain, you don't blame yourself for Chakotay's heart attack do you?"

"Boy, no one could ever accuse you of not being perceptive. As a matter of fact I do feeling some responsibility yes."

"Captain, the doctor said that although Chakotay had been stressed lately he would have had the heart attack soon enough. It isn't your fault."

"Thank you Tom I will try and remember that."

"You're welcome Captain, now if there is nothing else I should get back to flying this ship towards home."

"Actually I decided to start your leave a bit sooner. You are off as of now. You will have a few things to do before Chakotay is released from sickbay. Go and take care of them and relax for the evening you are going to need the rest I am sure of it." She smiled gently at him.

"Captain are you saying that you believe the commander will be a troublesome patient?" He grinned 

"I refuse to answer that Lieutenant. Now go." She smiled and laughed.

"Yes ma'am" Tom stood and left the ready room by way of the outer door, deciding not to give Harry one more thing to bitch about.

Tom spent the evening moving some of his things into Chakotay's quarters. He and Chakotay had spoken about it that afternoon they agreed that it didn't make sense for Tom to keep going back and forward to his quarters for clothes and things. Tom had spent time cleaning and putting his things away, he didn't want Chakotay to feel as if he had moved in and taken over. The captain had suggested that Tom have a single bed put in the lounge area for him to sleep on. The couch would not do for six weeks. On one of his trips from his quarters to Chakotay's he ran into Harry.

"Going somewhere?" Harry spitted.

"Yes as a matter of fact I am." Tom sighed he really didn't want to get into this with him right now.

"Leaving the ship because you know I am right and you can't handle it?" disdain dripping from his tongue. 

"No as a matter of fact, not that it's any of your business, but I am moving into Chakotay's quarters, I will be taking care of him for the next six weeks."

"Good God, you have got to be the saddest person on this ship!" Harry was disgusted and made no effort to hide it."Moving in with the commander to make a few more brownie points. Jesus the guy had a heart attack he doesn't need a babysitter." The disgust quite obvious on his face.

"You know Harry, if I thought it would make a fucking difference to you I would explain what actually happened to Chakotay and why he will be almost bedridden for the next six weeks. But you can't get your head out of your ass long enough to give a shit about anyone but yourself. I don't know what your problem is but at this point I don't really give a crap. Get over yourself okay." Tom could feel himself shaking with anger.

"My problem is that no one seems to understand that the great Commander Chakotay is in fact just a man and he is no better than the rest of us. I didn't see people falling all over me whenever I was injured or sick. Hell I died and people didn't go through the bullshit they are laying out now because the commander had a heart attack."

"Oh my god!" Tom felt his entire body stiffen and longer to release the tension by punching Harry yet again but he refrained.

"I can not believe you have the fucking nerve to say that! I cared each and every time! I was there each and every time! Most of the damn crew cared. But you just never bothered to thank anyone after the first few times so people backed off. You really are a self-centered cryass child! I don't have the time for you and your sorry self." Tom knew he was shouting but he didn't care. He turned to walk away before he did something he would regret. His self- control teetering just this side of being maintained.

"I am not the one who is sorry and when the commander kicks you to the curb and the crew turns against you again. You will have time for me." Harry spat at him with the self-confidence of someone who just knew he was right. Tom turned back around to face Harry.

"Even if every person on this ship turns their back on me when this is all over I will never again have time for you. I want nothing to do with you ever again. We have to work together, I am enough of an officer to do but as for anything else. I would rather rot in my quarters alone then spend one minute in your presence. See ya asshole." Again turning away from the person he had thought would be his friend forever. 

"What not gonna hit me again before you leave?" 

"You aren't worth the energy." Tom threw out at him from over his shoulder. He then walked away with his head held high but he couldn't help but seethe with anger.

"Whatever Paris you will be back, you always come back. I am the best friend you have ever had." Harry yelled after him.

"Is there a problem Ensign Kim?" Tuvok was standing behind him. He heard the whole conversation.

"Not anymore Commander, I just found out that Tom Paris is not the person I thought he was."

"Ensign Kim there is a matter that I wish to discuss with you regarding the incident on the holodeck two days ago. Perhaps we should go to your quarters."

"Fine." Harry turned and walked not waiting to see if Tuvok was following. He knew he would. Now he had to figure out how to change his story if Paris was going to turn his back on him after he saved his ass Harry wasn't going to worry anymore about what happens to him.

When he reached his door he keyed in his code, reminding himself to change it so his former friend couldn't break in and beg him for forgiveness.

"Have a seat Tuvok can I get you something?"

"No thank you, Ensign. I will come right to the point of my need to speak to you. I want to know why you lied to me about what happened on the holodeck?" Harry's mouth dropped open.

"I. UM I."

"Ensign, not only did Mr. Dalby and several others inform me that it was Lieutenant Paris who hit you, but the lieutenant told me himself. Again my question is why did you feel the need to lie to me?"

"Stupid me didn't want to get Lieutenant Paris in trouble. He was unprovoked and there was no excuse for him hitting me. I didn't want someone who I thought was my friend to get in trouble."

"You believe that the lieutenant had no reason to hit you?"

"Yes. I didn't do anything to him. I caused him no harm."

"Did you not think that reminding him of his failures and the fact that until a year ago the commander and he were not on the best of terms reason for him to hit you?"

"No I was stated facts."

"Facts as you saw them?"

"Facts as they are." Harry was getting annoyed why didn't anyone understand that he was right, that the commander would throw everything back in Paris' face one of these days.

"You think so poorly of the commander that even after the lieutenant was instrumental in saving his life that he would at some point turn his back on the lieutenant and his friendship?"

"I was just stating from experience that Commander Chakotay does not remember the good things Lieutenant Paris does for a long period of time."

"Perhaps you have not noticed that Chakotay and Tom have become friends over the past year."

"Oh I noticed alright. I have had to spend time watching them play pool while I just sit there. I was around for a talk of theirs and I listened to Paris talk about things they discussed and straightened out. But what Paris doesn't realize is that the commander is just doing what the captain ordered him to do. Play nice with the chief helmsman."

"Do you think that little of the captain that she would force two members of her crew to 'play nice' when it was clear they couldn't?"

"It has nothing to do with the captain, Tuvok. I have a high opinion of her but I also believe that she would in fact request that the commander be nice to Lieutenant Paris just to keep the peace."

While Harry was explaining himself Tuvok noticed that he was actually proclaiming his jealousy of the friendship that had formed between the two officers. He was angry that his friend had found another to spend time with. Tuvok came to the logical conclusion that Harry Kim did not want to share his friend Tom Paris with anyone. 

"Mr. Kim, I am going to ask you a direct and probably crude question. I do not expect you to answer me. The question is something for you only to think about and arrive at a conclusion on your own. If however you wish to discuss your answer I will be available."

"What is the question Tuvok." Harry just wanted this whole "discussion" to be over with. He wanted to get rid of his anger and he couldn't do it with the Vulcan around.

"Are you jealous of the friendship that Chakotay and Tom have developed?"

"Oh Please!"

"Do not answer me Mr. Kim not now. I want you to think about it and think about your reaction to the commander being ill. Would you have reacted the same way if it were me who had taken ill? Would you have reacted the same way if it were Tom or B'Elanna or the captain for that matter? Each of the people I have mentioned have had the same impact on most of the crew. If any one of us were to the one where the commander is now the reactions would have been the same from the crew. I will leave you now with these things to think about. Good Night Mr. Kim."

Before Harry could say another Tuvok stood and left his quarters. Once the door closed Harry picked up the first thing within his reach and threw it at the door. Pompous Vulcan!

@@@@@


	5. Chapter 5

When Tuvok left Harry's quarters he went to Chakotay's where he knew Tom would be. He rang the door chime and heard the command for the door to open.

"Hi Tuvok what can I do for you?" Tom had calmed since his run in with Harry earlier.

"Lieutenant Paris may we speak for a few minutes?"

"Sure Tuvok but can we do it back in my quarters? I don’t really feel comfortable hanging out in Chakotay's just yet. And I need to get a couple of more things."

"Of course." Tuvok followed Tom out and back down the corridor to his quarters.

"Come on in Tuvok have a seat can I get you anything?"

"No thank you, I am fine."

"Okay what did you want to talk to me about?"

"This is not an official visit may I call you Tom?"

"Of course you can anytime Tuvok."

"Thank you, Tom. I want to begin by prefacing that I did not intentionally listen to your conversation with Mr. Kim in the corridor earlier."

"I am sorry Tuvok. I did not want to have that conversation at all. Let alone in the hallway."

"Tom, again this is not an official visit and I realized that it was not you who started the conversation or you who caused it to escalate into an argument. First I wanted to make sure that you were all right? I sensed your extreme distress during the argument."

"I'm not going to tell you that I'm fine, Tuvok, because I'm not. I am calmer then I was but I'm still pretty angry at Harry."

"I expected as much. I did have a conversation of my own with Mr. Kim after you left. I confronted him about his need to lie to me. He told me that he didn’t want you to get in trouble but there was no reason for you to hit him."

"No reason? Tuvok he called Chakotay a pompous bastard among other things. He was rude and nasty and his reaction was uncalled for. Maybe I was wrong in hitting him but that does not negate the fact that he had it coming."

"I do not doubt that Mr. Kim did provoke not only you but several other members of the crew. I have had many people come to me since the incident and express their displeasure with Mr. Kim and his attitude towards both you and Chakotay. It also may interest you to know that Mr. Dalby stated quite plainly that if you were to be charged with anything that he would also expect to be charged because it was he who aggravated the situation."

"Really? Damn, now that I would not have expected."

"You said yourself that Mr. Dalby had approached you and Mr. Kim with the intent to assault Mr. Kim not once but twice."

"Yeah, but I just figured that because he didn’t he would let it go."

"Tom you do not seem to realize that members of this crew do in fact like you and would defend you when necessary. As a matter of fact every person that has approached me over the last two days has been very specific in their defense of your actions."

Tom was speechless but there was a little voice inside his head that said 'Take that Harry Kim'

"Thank you for telling me that Tuvok you don’t know what that means to me."

"I believe I do Tom and you are welcome. Now about Mr. Kim while I spoke to him I heard and felt things that I believe he, himself, is unaware of feeling. Mr. Kim is jealous of your friendship with Chakotay." Tom snorted at that statement.

" He also does not particularly like that fact that you have made other friends besides him. I believe he has been under the impression that you would always need his friendship. By becoming friends with Chakotay and others that need is no longer there on your part. Mr. Kim, however, still counts you as his best friend or did until this evening and perhaps the only friend he truly has on this ship. He has not adapted as well as he would like everyone to think or more to the point would like you to think. Any friendships he has with others is due in a large part to your making those friends first."

Tom sat and took in everything Tuvok was saying. He thought about it and yes Tuvok was right, whenever Tom was able to break through an invisible barrier and became friends with a member of the crew Harry came along for the ride. Most people did not seek out Harry they sought out Tom and Harry was just there. Harry only ever asked him to play pool or go to the resort. Even with B'Elanna Harry never invited her it was always Tom. 

"Tuvok I understand what you are saying but that is totally infantile on Harry's part. I can't be a friend with anyone but him? I remember my sisters going through that when they were five and six years old."

"Be that as it may Tom, that is how Harry views you and your friendship."

"Are you asking me to just forget everything he said to me both the other day and tonight? Because if you are Tuvok I am going to tell you, I don't think I can do that. I will not be told whom I can and can't be friends with. Just as he said about me at the beginning of this trek home no one picks my friends but me."

"Tom I am not asking you to forget anything. I merely wanted to point out to you what Mr. Kim was thinking and feeling, from my point of view. I also do not expect you to give up any of your other friendships to accommodate Mr. Kim or anyone else for that matter. That would be illogically, you are capable of making your own decisions."

"Thank you Tuvok I do appreciate your candor. I hope you know that I include you in my circle of friends."

"I am glad that you do Tom because I also count you among the friends I have."

"So as a friend would you be willing to help me finish moving my things?" Tom grinned

 

"It would be my pleasure Tom." They both stood and Tom handed him a small box of video chips.

"If Chakotay has to be in bed or resting for the better part of six weeks, I am going to need these to keep him entertained for part of the time. I haven't figure out exactly what I am going to do with him for six weeks but I am working on it."

"Perhaps you could have him help you with a holodeck program. I do have a number of security simulations I would like to have you write. That should keep you both occupied for some time. Also I will be stopping by after shift to relieve you for a while each day. I am sure I can think of something to keep his mind occupied for a time."

"You're on Tuvok but remember you volunteered for this duty assignment when he is growling at you, in a couple of weeks, that he's bored." Tom laughed as they walked out of his quarters and back towards his new temporary home.

"Indeed." Tuvok's eyebrow seemed to reach his hairline and Tom laughed harder.

When they reached Chakotay's door and entered Tom directed Tuvok as to where to put the box. The door chime rang and Tom called for the person to enter. When the door open the captain entered.

"So Tom are you all settled in?" She smiled looking around the room.

"I just finished bringing a few things over captain."

"You did? I don’t see anything of yours around."

"Well I am not moving it permanently captain" He laughed 

 

"I know that Tom but." Tom stopped her from saying anything further.

"Captain, I am here to help Chakotay recover there is no need for me to impose myself on him that much. I brought what will be necessary for my stay and a few video chips for us to watch. A couple of padds for reading and a book or two."

"You mean a real book with pages? Tom I am shocked I thought if it wasn’t on a padd you wouldn’t touch it." She laughed.

"Captain, I'll have you know that I have an extensive real book collection both here and at my father's house. Or I use to, he may have gone rid of them by now."

"I doubt that, I am sure he is keeping them dust free for when you get back."

"You may be right, most of the books are ones he bought me." Tom moved about the lounge area and living room putting a few things up out of the way. Tuvok had finished putting the few things he had away for Tom.

 

"I believe I will turn in for the night. I will be here tomorrow evening after dinner to help in whatever way I can Tom. Good Night, Tom, Good Night, Captain." 

"Thanks for the help and the talk Tuvok. Good Night."

 

"Good Night Tuvok." Kathryn said as he left.

 

Tom and Kathryn spoke for a few more minutes about what would happen during the next six weeks. Then she decided it was time for her to get some sleep. Bidding him a good night she was gone. #9; 

After she left Tom finished putting the rest of his stuff away then left for his own quarters. He wasn’t going to sleep in Chakotay's until the man was home. Once he was back in his own place he double-checked to make sure he hadn't forgot anything he would want. Then thought if he had he could always come back and get it. Satisfied that he had gone all he could for the night He went to bed.

@@@@@

The next morning at 0900 hours Tom walked into sickbay to find the doctor finishing up some tests on Chakotay.

"Good Morning, Doc. Morning, Chief." He smiled as he walked over to them. 

"Good Morning, Mr. Paris. I am glad to see you are on time."

"Good Morning, Tom." Chakotay smiled back. "So are you sure you want to be around the bear?"

"Oh I think I can handle you. If not I am sure we can find someone among the masses who have volunteered who can." 

"Well gentlemen, before you go I would like to go over a few things with the both of you." Tom and Chakotay looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Both knew that the other was thinking the same thing. The doctor has gone over a few things with them several times in the past couple of days.

"Sure Doc, what do we need to know?" Tom knew better than to argue with the hologram.

"First, just as you have while you were here, you will need to keep your feet elevated slightly above your heart when you are laying down. You can sit up, as a matter of fact I recommend it. But for no more then an hour at a time. You can't have solid food for another two days. Broth, light soups, nutritional supplement drinks are fine but limit them to once a day. As I stated two days ago, you must rest more then anything else for the next four to six weeks. For the next two weeks bathing should be limited to sponge bathing or portable sonic cleansers. Trips to the bathroom to relieve yourself are also not recommended in that time frame." 

"Doctor, how in hell can you ask me to… What are you saying? I have to use a bedpan?" Chakotay was mortified.

"Yes, Commander, bedpan only."

"This is going to be extremely embarrassing." Chakotay groaned.

"Hey don't worry about it Chief I am a professional," Tom smiled at him, hoping his own reservations didn’t show. Chakotay made a noise that sounded like a mix between a snort and a groan, Tom had to laugh then.

"Commander, it is very important that you follow my instructions to the letter. Obviously you don’t understand just how close you were to dying a week ago." The doctor sounded indignant.

"Doctor, I do understand how close I was last week. What I don’t understand is why I can't use the bathroom."

"It would require walking Commander and your body needs time to recover from the heart attack and the surgery. We did replace an artery, remember and there are some things that even modern technology can't rush. "

"Alright Doctor." Chakotay sighed in resignation.

Tom remained silent, he had been through this once before. He had heard the arguments, he even understood how Chakotay felt. But what he knew that Chakotay didn’t was that if he didn’t listen to the doctor he could and mostly likely would die. That was not going to happen if Tom had anything to say about it. Tom decided he would tell Chakotay about his mother once they were alone. Not to scare the older man but, hopefully, to make him understand just how important it was for him to do exactly as the doctor instructed.

The doctor turned to Tom and handed him a padd and several hyposprays.

"Mr. Paris, this padd has further instructions for you on it and the hyposprays contain the medication that the Commander will need to take. You will be able to replicate them, as you need them. These are to be administered as soon as you get to his quarters. Oh one more thing, I understand that the captain had an extra bed placed in the commander's quarters for you. You should move it into his bedroom." He raised his hand forestalling any argument. 

"The reason for that is, if the commander has a problem, he may not be able to call out for you. By you sleeping in the same room with him, you will hear him if he is in distress."

"That makes sense." Tom answered. "Anything else?"

"No, I believe we have covered everything for now. I do expect to see the commander back here in two days."

"He will be here, I promise."

"Very well, I am done. You can take the commander home."

"Thanks. Paris to Tuvok."

"Tuvok here."

"Tuvok, the doctor said Chakotay can go home now. So whenever you are ready."

"Understood, Lieutenant." Chakotay looked at Tom with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Well you can't walk back to your cabin and I don’t think I could carry you. So, Tuvok said he would transport us back." Chakotay nodded his understanding.

"Tuvok ready to beam out." Tom said, then they both felt the familiar tingle of the transporter. Rematerializing in Chakotay's quarters he was shocked to find himself in his bed.

"How the hell?"

"Tuvok, got the exactly coordinates for your bed and presto. The doctor did say no walking, right now, even from the bedroom door. And whenever you have to go to sickbay Tuvok or Greg will beam you back and forth."

Tom helped Chakotay get comfortable once he put the padd and hypo down. Then he gave Chakotay the required hypos. Both men were silent during this time each one thinking that they were going to become quite intimate over the next six weeks. Neither actually knowing how they or the other felt about it, they each decided to leave it alone for now. Once Tom was satisfied that Chakotay was comfortable.

"I am going to see about getting your bed moved so I can put the other bed in here also."

"Alright. I would offer to help but…" Chakotay joked.

"Ha! Don't think so. I am going to call and ask Greg to help. He wants to see you anyway. He wasn’t happy that the doctor wouldn’t let him see you in sickbay."

"Okay. Tom, thank you for helping me."

"No problem Chief."

"Are you going to call me that all the time now?"

"I don’t know maybe." Tom grinned. "Do you need anything? Want something to drink?"

"A glass of water would be good. Honestly I am tired, I think I will get some sleep." Tom walked out of the room and came back with a glass of water.

"You will be doing a lot of sleeping for the next few weeks Chakotay. If you feel the need to sleep don’t fight it. You have to listen to your body."

"I know, if I had listened before I may have avoided all this." Chakotay said as he waved his hand to indicate the bed and his having to stay in it.

"We don’t know that for sure, but it doesn’t matter now. It's over and done with, now is the time to think about your recovery. Go to sleep, I will call Greg and when you wake up he and I will move what needs to be moved."

Chakotay nodded, closed his eyes and was asleep before Tom left the room. Tom commed Greg and explained what he needed done. Greg readily agreed to help, he also asked how Chakotay was doing. Tom and he spoke for a few minutes and then agreed that when Chakotay woke Tom would comm him and he would come by. Signing off Tom replicated himself a snack, he was going to go over the padd that the doctor had given him. When he realized it was in Chakotay's room, he went in quietly and got it. While there he quickly checked Chakotay's breathing and heart rate, satisfied the older man was fine he went back in the living room, got comfortable and started reading.

 

For the next three hours Tom read, answered comm's from different crewmembers and started going over the security simulations Tuvok wanted. The captain stopped by to see how everything was going. While they spoke Chakotay woke up and the captain visited with him for a few minutes. Tom commed Greg and then politely kicked the captain out saying that the doctor ordered limited visiting times for the first week. She left and Tom once again checked Chakotay's vital signs.

"Greg will be by in a few minutes to help with the beds. Do you need anything before then?"

"Maybe a glass of water. I am thirsty."

"Okay, I think I will put a pitcher and glass on the nightstand. This way you can have it whenever you want."

"That sounds good Tom, thanks." Chakotay laid back, closed his eyes and realized he had to go to pee. 'Shit!' 

Chakotay heard the door chime and hoped it was Greg. He wouldn’t have a problem with Greg helping him. They had been together while they were in the Maquis. Chakotay really wasn’t looking forward to letting Tom or Tuvok get up close and personal. But he couldn’t get stressed that is what the doctor said. 'Wonder if we can beam it out.' He snorted at the thought. Tom and Greg interrupted his thoughts.

"Hey Chakotay, how are you feeling?" His old friend was smiling and looking quite pleased to see him. Chakotay was glad to see Greg too for more then one reason right now.

"I am feeling better thanks, Greg. So now tell me how are the two of you going to move this bed with me in it?"

"Never fear Chief we have that covered!" Tom grinned.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, you are going on a quick transport ride to the bed in the lounge area and then back again when we have moved the bed."

"Tom you can't expect the captain to approve something like that."

"It was her idea Chief." Tom informed him with a smug look on his face.

Chakotay couldn’t believe it, but he wasn’t going to say anything.

"So if you are ready?"

"Actually, Tom, would you give Greg and me a minute to talk in private?"

"Sure thing." Tom turned and left and if he felt hurt he didn’t show it.

"What's up Chakotay?" Greg was puzzled as to why Chakotay would want to talk to him privately. 

"Greg, I need to ask a big favor from you and please don’t say anything to Tom."

"Sure Cha what's up?"

"Well, umm, I have to pee and I am not allowed to get up and use the bathroom. Could you possibly help me? I know it seems stupid but I am not comfortable with Tom standing here helping me sit up so I can pee." 

"Of course Cha." Greg couldn’t help but laugh at his friend's discomfort.

"It's not funny Greg. This is really embarrassing! How am I going to do this for six weeks?" Greg could hear the frustration in Chakotay's voice.

"Cha why don’t you just talk to Tom and tell him how you feel. He might feel the same way you know." Greg reasoned.

"You are right. I will, but right now can you give me a hand? And no I don’t mean hold it for me. Just help me sit up further and hold me upright."

"Okay, what are you going to use to pee in?"

"I think there is some kind of portable thing in the bathroom. That is what Tom had said yesterday." Greg went into the bathroom and came back with an odd shaped plastic pitcher with a handle and a cover. 

"Gods, that's it?"

"Yeah, it's called a urinal. I remember seeing one of these when I visited my grandfather as a kid. He was bedridden for a while and well he used this."

"Okay, since you have seen one how does it work? Hurry I can't wait much longer."

Greg handed Chakotay the odd shaped plastic urinal, then stood beside him, grabbed on to his arm from his armpit and pulled him forward. Placing his other arm around Chakotay back and gripping his shoulder he gave him the support he needed to sit and take care the problem. Hearing Chakotay breathe a sigh of relief as he went to the bathroom, Greg couldn’t help but chuckle. 

"You know for a big strong mystical warrior you can be such a baby."

"Hey, let's see how you would react to suddenly being completely depend on others and try to keep some dignity." Chakotay growled at him.

"I never said I wouldn’t have a problem with it, I am just saying that you really need to tell Tom. You might end up hurting his feeling if you don’t. He has given up something no one ever thought he would to be here Chakotay. Don’t give Harry the satisfaction of being right." Greg helped Chakotay lay back down, took the urinal and walked into the bathroom.

"What? What are you talking about?" Chakotay asked when Greg returned. Chakotay had no idea what Greg was talking about. Tom didn’t say anything to him about the last argument so he didn’t know that they were no longer friends.

'Ask Tom." Then as if knowing he was being talked about Tom knocked on the door and came in.

"Sorry, are you done? I don’t want to rush you Greg but you only have about thirty minutes before your dinner date will become quite angry."

"Right, don’t want Gerron to be angry with me. I will suffer for sure." Greg smiled at the two men.

"So you ready for that transfer, Chief?"

"Ready as I will ever be, I suppose." Tom nodded and called Tuvok to let him know they were ready. 

Twenty-five minutes later Chakotay was back in his own bed and the single bed Tom would be using was in place.

"Thanks for you help Greg, I appreciate it."

"No problem Tom. Glad I could help." Turning to Chakotay. "And you be a good patient and remember what I said."

"Yes, Sir." Chakotay said with a mock salute. Greg shook his head.

"Bye Tom. Bye Chak." He said as he turned and let himself out.

"Have a good visit?" Tom was curious about what the two friends spoke about but didn’t want to ask.

"Yes, we did as a matter of fact." Chakotay shifted a bit on the bed. Moving himself in a more upright position. Tom immediately went over and helped.

"Tom, we need to talk a few things." When he saw the pained expression on Tom's face, he realized that Tom might have thought he was going to tell him he didn’t want his help.

"Tom relax, I just thought that now would be a good time to talk about what we are both going to have to do over the next couple of weeks. I have to admit that I am uncomfortable with one or two things and I think you might be also." Tom nodded silently, waiting for Chakotay to go on.

"Perhaps, by talking about it now, we will both be able to, I don't know reassure each other that it's okay. We can deal with whatever happens if we know that the other feels uncomfortable or even angry. Because I do see myself getting angry that I won't be able to get out of bed and do simple things for myself. I already am, but I am not nor will I be angry with you, though it might seem that way at times." 

While Chakotay spoke Tom came to a decision, he was going to be as honest as he could be about everything with Chakotay. He knew that Chakotay would expect and he would do the same with Tom. He sat down on the bed close but not too close to the older man.

"You are right Chief, there is something I am uncomfortable with and I don’t want you to think that it has anything to do with you. But can I ask that you tell me what you have a problem with before I spill my guts?" Tom gave a small smile hoping that Chakotay would in fact tell him first. That way he would be able to get out of there as soon as he told the older man about his experience and avoid the possibility have having to "explore" his feelings on the whole incident.

Chakotay did want to get everything he was feeling out of the way quickly. He figured if he did then he could listen to Tom and then they could talk things out and work out something.

"Okay, me first huh?" 

"Please"

"I don’t like depending on others for anything. I resent having to depend on you for having to help me with the every day things I need to do in my life. I don't resent you because it's you Tom Paris, I would resent the help no matter who it came from. My two biggest problems is having anyone give me a bath and needing help to simply take a pee. I am not shy when it comes to my body, but I prefer to be in control of when someone sees me naked." Chakotay gave Tom a shy smile and waited.

"Chakotay, I do understand how you feel, and believe me if there was any other way we could do this, I would to make you feel more comfortable. To make ME feel more comfortable" He sighed and decided to just jump in.

"I want to tell you something that I have never told anyone, although someone did figure it out. I would like to get it all said before you say anything. I need you to just listen to me. Know that I am telling you this because if I don’t and you see a reaction from me when I am trying to help you get cleaned up, you might think it is about you and it wouldn’t be."

"Alright Tom, I will listen and refrain for commenting until you are done." Chakotay didn’t like the directions his thoughts were going just from the little Tom has said already. He had a bad feeling about whatever the younger man was about to confess. But he knew he would have to hear him out with as little reaction as he could.

"Okay." Tom took a deep breath and let it out. It was as if he was trying to gain a bit of strength.

"When I was at the Academy, my roommate and his boyfriend "forced" themselves on me. They got me drunk, not too drunk, just drunk enough to let my guard down. See Danny, my roommate, knew that I was curious about being with another man. He called it bi-curious, anyway, he told his boyfriend Blair about it about Blair "volunteered" to show me the ropes. When I realized that things were going to go further than I was ready for I told them I wasn’t that curious. I said no, but Blair decided he didn’t want to stop. He had Danny hold me down while he, umm, you know. Then Blair reversed positions with him and Danny did the same." Tom cut himself off for a minute to catch his breath. When he saw that Chakotay was going to say something he held up his hand to stop him, and he shook his head to indicate he wasn’t done. Taking another deep breath he started again with his story.

"Since then I have had an extremely difficult time being around naked men. Prison was hell for me. I was so scared when it was time to shower, there were days I would beg off no matter how dirty I felt. I just couldn’t stand the thought of being around other men and being naked. Thankfully I never had worry about being forced again. There were guys who gave it up freely and willing for those who wanted sex, so the need to take it from someone who wasn’t willing just wasn’t there."

"I was approached once by a new inmate but he was quickly shown he shouldn’t have. There was this guy Tony who, it turned out, knew Blair. Seems that Blair had a reputation for going around picking up guys and then getting them to help him with his real fetish. I don’t remember how or why I ended up talking about Danny to Tony, but he remembered Blair's "best student", his words, and knew what happened without me having to actually say anything. Tony kept an eye on me while I was there, he didn’t need to protect me, he knew that I could take care of myself. He just watched my back."

"I wanted you to know this because I know that I am going to react poorly, even though I'll try not to. I can and will do whatever I have to do to help you, but if I seem hesitant I don’t want you to think it's you and get upset." Tom finished with a cleansing breath and started to stand, but a hand on his arm stopped him.

"I am sorry that you went through that Tom. I can see that you have dealt with the pain and the probable humiliation it caused." He decided not to use the correct term for what happened to Tom. He would not force that issue on him." As your friend, I would never tell anyone anything you told me, especially something like this." Tom hadn't been able to look at Chakotay at first but when he said that he did look up.

"I do understand and will understand your hesitation when helping me bathe or use the urinal. I will not lie to you and say I am not upset. Because I am upset but not with you, I could never be upset with you for your reaction to seeing me with nothing on. I am, however, upset for you." Chakotay stopped and waited to see Tom's reaction to his admission. When he saw that Tom accepted what he said as the truth he continued.

"I am upset that, instead of being able to find out if being with another man was something you wanted, you were forced to decided never to take that chance. No one should ever but forced to do anything they don’t want to do, especially when it comes to sex. I will say that I hope I never meet Blair or Danny, because I couldn’t promise that I wouldn’t beat the crap out of them for what they did to you." Chakotay finished with a evil smile, knowing that Tom understood he was just being himself. Protecting his friends from harm.

"Thank you Chakotay. Thank you for understanding, thank you for being my friend." Tom whispered.

"Hey how could I not be your friend? You saved me from certain death twice now." He smiled hoping to lighten the mood.

"Yeah well I would do that for any friend and I am glad we are friends Chief."

"I have to ask you something. Greg mentioned something to me and I need to know what he meant. He wouldn’t tell me, he said to ask you." 

Tom stiffen a little, he knew Greg didn’t know he had decided not to tell Chakotay about Harry and his self-centered, childish attitude. He didn’t want Chakotay to get angry.

"What did he say?"

"Well, I will start by being honest and tell you that me needing to speak to him in private wasn’t the complete truth." Chakotay looked down at his hands in is lap. "I needed to pee and I felt strange asking you. Greg and I go back a long way and well, we have been intimate. I felt more comfortable having him help me then you. It had nothing to do with you, as I said earlier, I prefer to have some control as to when and why people see me with no clothes on." Tom nodded his acceptance of the explanation. 

"That said, Greg told me I should tell you how I felt. He said and I quote, ''He has given up something no one ever thought he would to be here Chakotay. Don’t give Harry the satisfaction of being right.' What was he talking about Tom?"

Tom sighed, he figured he might as well just tell him everything. 

"Harry has been a real jerk since you had the heart attack. Walking, no, stomping around, complaining that everyone was acting like you were this god like person, which they weren't. I told you I hit him." Chakotay nodded.

"Well last night while I was bringing some of my stuff here I ran into him in the corridor. He still had this huge chip on his shoulder and I just didn’t want to deal with it. He said some really nasty things about me and you and the rest of the crew. I told him he was a self centered cry-ass child and I had no time for him. He got even nastier and claimed that no one gave a shit about him when he had died." Tom stopped and stood up, he started pacing he was getting pissed all over again he needed to move.

"I just freaked! If my arms hadn't been full I would have hit him again. I started to walk anyway and again his accusations came flying at me. I told him that even if everyone on this ship turned their back on me once you are on your feet, I would rather rot in my quarters then ever be caught dead spending time with him again. So needless to say Harry and I are no longer friends." He stopped pacing and faced Chakotay. 

He hoped the older man wasn’t too upset or angry he knew that would be the worse thing for Chakotay. What he saw on the other man's face was not anger but sadness.

"Tom, I am sorry. I don’t know what I ever did to Harry Kim to make him dislike me so much."

Tom shook his head, he realized that Chakotay didn’t understand what he was saying.

"Chakotay, he doesn’t hate you, he hates the fact that you and I are friends. Harry hates the fact that I am a friend with anyone but him. He doesn’t want me to have any friends other then him. It's an infantile way of thinking, as I told Tuvok, my sisters and their friends acted that way when they were five."

"How did Tuvok get involved?"

"He heard the entire argument. I am surprised the whole ship didn’t hear us the way we were yelling." Tom still couldn’t believe he lost his temper like that, let alone twice in as many days. 

"Tuvok spoke to Harry first and then he came to see me. He did explain a few things to me that I hadn't seen. But none if it excuses Harry's behavior as far as I am concerned."

"Tom, I."

"Chakotay, Harry doesn’t matter anymore. Even if you were to tell me to leave and someone else can take over with your recovery, I will never again set myself up like that with him. I want to be here, I want to help you, I need to help you. You are my friend, I could not turn my back on you for Harry or anyone else for that matter."

"Thank you Tom, for being willing to give up the one person who has believed in you all along to help me. I can’t begin to tell you what that means to me."

"Honestly Chief, I don’t think Harry really ever believed in me. Not after what Tuvok said. I believe he became my friend because he thought he would be my only friend out here. Personally I think I stepped up in my choice of friends not down. So, let's just forget it and go forward, okay?" Tom smiled

"Okay." Chakotay smiled back and then suddenly felt very tired. His eyes closed of their own accord.

"Damn Chief, why didn’t you tell me you were tired. Here I am going on and on and you should be resting, if not sleeping."

"I was fine until just now but I am tired now and think I will take a nap."

"Okay." Tom checked the time. "Let me get the hypospray it's time for your medication anyway. Then you can sleep, when you get up you should have something to eat." Tom got the required hypo and administered the medicine.

"Tom I can’t eat remember?" Chakotay quipped.

"Oh you know what I meant." Tom said with faked frustration. 

"Go to sleep Chief, see you in a couple of hours." As Tom left the bedroom he called for lights out and closed the door.

@#@#@#@#@


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chakotay's "home"

Tom went back out to the living room and realized that he had not checked with the doctor about where Chakotay could eat. Should he keep him in bed or could he have him come out and eat on the couch. He was sure that the older man wouldn't want to eat in bed but he had better check.

"Paris to Sickbay"

"Sickbay here. Is everything all right Lieutenant?"

"Yeah Doc, Chakotay is sleeping. I have a question."

"And that would be?"

"Does Chakotay have to stay in bed or can I have him on the couch when he eats? I really don’t think he is going to be thrilled about eating or rather drinking in his bed."

"The couch is fine Mr. Paris. As long as his feet and legs are elevated, make sure to put a pillow or something under his calves and feet so that they are at a thirty degree angle."

"Sure thing Doc, thanks. Paris out."

That done, Tom decided to go through his personal logs, he honestly couldn’t remember the last time he had sat down and made one. When he checked it had been a week since his last entry. The morning before Chakotay's heart attack. 'Wow I have been slacking off'. So he sat back and recounted the events of the past week. He spoke of the panic and fear he felt when he walked into the mess hall and saw Chakotay having the heart attack. The helplessness he felt each time they "lost" him when he was first beamed to sickbay and then later during the surgery.

He also thought about the awesome feeling of being trusted, first by Chakotay when he agreed to Tom assisting the doctor. Tom might be the doctor's assistant but if Chakotay had said no then someone else would have been called to assist. Then by the spirits who brought him to Chakotay in the spirit plain. To find that he had a spirit guide and it was an eagle. Now that was cool. Of course when Chakotay and the two guides trusted him to help Chakotay out of the coma, the emotions he felt whenever he thought about that were so hard to describe. Though he could say they were all really good emotions. Finally that last amazing show of trust was when Chakotay had agreed to let him help him with his recovery. He honestly couldn’t say if he thought Chakotay would say no but the possibility was there. 

 

Then he got to the part about Harry, he was still perplexed as to why all of a sudden his best friend turned on him. He felt sad and hurt after everything Harry had said to him. He had to wonder if Harry had actually been using his less then welcome presence at the beginning of the journey to insure that Harry always had a friend.

He realized that it was never about Harry being Tom's friend, it was about Tom being Harry's friend. That thought caused Tom to pause, then he thought about every encounter, every interaction with every crewmember over the years. Each time he heard Harry in the background saying things like 'Hey well he was being nice because you didn’t come off as a smart-ass.' Or 'Of course she is flirting with you, after all with all your experience she is guaranteed to have a good time.' 

Tom jumped back in his chair as if he had been slapped. Why hadn't he seen that? How could he have missed it? Every time he made some advance toward a friendship with someone else Harry was there to slap him down. Harry would knock back his self-confidence just enough for Tom to back off from trying. 'SON OF A BITCH! YOU STUPID BASTARD!' Tom could not believe what an idiot he had been. He mentally beat himself up for being just gullible enough to believe Harry had actually been a real friend.

 

Once more he went through his mind, thinking about the other people he called friend. He thought about their reactions to different things. This time he heard B'Elanna ' See I told you they would come around." Then there was Greg "I for one am glad I knew a long time again just how good a friend you can be.' Or Tuvok, 'I consider you among my circle of friends.' Then finally Chakotay, "I trust you Tom." Those were the voices of his real friends he knew that now. Feeling a lot better then he had a few minutes earlier Tom ended his personal log. He heard Chakotay call out to him at that point he got up and went to see what he needed.

"You okay Chief?" Tom asked as he raised the lights a bit.

"Yes, I heard a noise and wasn't sure if you were okay or not." Chakotay seemed a bit worried.

"Nah! I was just updating my personal log, I may have knocked something over while I was sitting at you desk. Are you hungry?"

"Yea I am, but I also need to pee." Chakotay said quietly. Although they had just discussed this a couple of hours ago, he still felt a bit awkward.

"Okay, let me get the urinal." Tom swallowed his nervousness. 'I can do this. I can help him.' He kept saying over and over to himself as he went to the bathroom.

When he returned Chakotay looked at him and saw the slightest hint of nervousness

"Tom if you can't do this." Tom held up his hand.

"No, Chief, I am okay. Really." He smiled a bit.

"Okay as long as you are all right with this."

"I am a professional remember." Tom handed him the urinal, took hold of his left arm from underneath and pulled Chakotay upright. Wrapping his other arm around the back of the older Tom stood there and held him. He tried not to notice the feel of Chakotay's skin under his hands. He wasn't going to glance over the older man's shoulder for a quick peek, but he did anyway and he blushed. 'Geez he's big. Lucky Guy.' Then Tom mentally slapped himself. 

Meanwhile, Chakotay was trying to ignore the younger man hold on to him. 'I can do this. I am not feeling his arm around me.' He repeated over and over. Once done he sighed and shivered.

"You okay?" Tom asked as he lessened his hold on Chakotay.

"Yes, much better, thanks Tom." He said as he leaned back and handed Tom the urinal.

"Okay, be right back and then you get a trip to the couch for your lunch."

"Tuvok gonna beam me there?"

"Nope we are going to do it the old-fashion way." Tom called from the bathroom. He walked out and went to the living room. He was soon back with the chair from Chakotay's desk. 

"I am going to take you for a ride." He smiled and helped Chakotay swing his legs over the side of the bed. 

"Wrap your arms around my neck, then hang on. Don't resist me you will hurt me." Tom was in full professional medic mode now.

"Let me do all the work." He said as he stood up bringing the other man with him. Chakotay's legs were a bit shaking so Tom waited, giving him a couple of seconds to steady himself.

"You okay, Chief?"

"Yeah, it's just been a while since I used the legs you know." Tom nodded his understanding.

"Ready?" Chakotay nodded yes. "Okay I need to you to turn just a bit and then I will lower you into the chair. Remember don’t fight me." Together they turned a bit and then Tom lowered Chakotay into the chair. Chakotay pulled his arms from around Tom his whole body was shaking.

"Why am I shaking like this?"

"Chief you have been flat on your back for a week. Your body has been through one hell of a battle. It's a reaction to it all. Just relax, tell me, do you feel okay any light-headedness or dizziness?"

"A bit light-headed yes." Chakotay felt himself start to sweat and instantly he began to panic. His mind automatically going back to a week ago, the shaking increased.

"Tom something is wrong. I don’t feel well." Tom having watched the entire set of emotions run across Chakotay's face.

"Chief, just breath, this is all your body's natural reaction to everything. It's okay." Tom spoke softly squatting down to look Chakotay in the eye.

'Chief, it's okay. You aren't having another heart attack. You just got out of sickbay, this is normal trust me." Still speaking softly he began to caress Chakotay's arms trying to sooth him. He continued doing this and talking for a few minutes helping Chakotay calm down. Tom noticed that he had closed his eyes and was really concentrating on his breathing, as if he was trying to find his center. After a time the older man seemed to have calmed considerably and opened his eyes.

"Better?" Still speaking in a hushed tone.

'Yeah, sorry, thanks." Chakotay was almost afraid to say the words.

"Don’t be sorry, I should have warned you it might happen. Now you think you are ready for a short ride?" Unconsciously Tom had continued to gently caress his arms, Chakotay noticed but didn’t say anything. That touch is what helped him calm himself. 

 

"I suppose so. You up for the push?"

"Who said I was going to push you? I am going to pull better leverage."  
Putting action to words Tom walked around to stand behind him, took hold of the chair and pulled. Chakotay held on as he felt the chair move, the ride was indeed quick, but he knew it he was being turned in the chair to face the couch.

"I am impressed." Chakotay looked up and smiled at Tom, Tom smiled back.

"Okay same as before only in reverse." Again putting action to his words Tom leaned down as Chakotay hooked his arms around his neck he lifted. Together they turned and Chakotay was on the couch being pulled back to lean against the side and his legs swung to lie out in front of him. Tom got the pillow he had placed there earlier and slid it under his feet and calved and then threw his own blanket over Chakotay's legs. Everything done swiftly and professional. Chakotay felt a little berated and embarrassed he actually had enjoyed having his arms around Tom he felt good. Mentally shaking his head, 'Don’t go there, old man he is afraid of men in that way remember.'

"Comfortable?" Tom asked while going through his own mental slapping. 'He is a patient doesn’t matter what you felt when his arms were around you. Besides you left that side of you back at the Academy remember.'

"Yes thanks what's for lunch?"

"Well seeing how you are limited to liquids for the next couple of days. I thought you would like some miso and tofu soup. It's high in protein and tofu is good for the heart." Tom smiled as he handed Chakotay the cup of soup and a napkin. When Chakotay saw the cup he looked at Tom with a question in his eyes.

"What you want me to feed you to?" Tom joked.

"NO! Just curious why a the cup and not a bowl"

"Well if I give you a bowl, where you got to put it? I can move the chair but the desk and table are bolted to the floor. This way your soup will end up in you and not on you." Tom grinned looking very pleased with himself that he had thought of that.

"Aren’t you the clever one. Thank you. What are you having?"

"I am going to wait until Tuvok gets here and then I am going to go to the mess hall. I don’t want to eat real food in front of you right now. Doesn’t seem fair."

"Oh, okay I thought we would eat together." Chakotay seemed a bit disappointed to Tom.

"We will once you are able to actually eat food. I feel a bit strange eating when you can't."

"You know Tom, you have got to be the most considerate person I have ever met. Thank you very much. You are right I would feel "cheated" that I can't bite into something." Chakotay smiled and started drinking his soup. 

The door chime rang and Chakotay called for the person to enter. Tuvok came in.

"Good Afternoon Commander, Tom."

"Hi Tuvok."

 

"Good Afternoon Tuvok, please, call me Chakotay."

"Thank you Chakotay. How are you feeling?"

"I am okay, a bit weak but I suppose that is expected."

"Yes, I understand it is. How did you get Chakotay to the couch Tom?"

"I pulled him with his chair. The doc said he could sit up out here for about an hour. I am going to go and get something to eat in the mess hall. I will be back in time to help you get back into bed."

"Take your time Tom, I am sure I can manage with Chakotay by myself. Remember that this time is for you to take a break."

"I know Tuvok but there isn’t much I want to do tonight." Tom didn’t want either man to know he was trying to avoid Harry. He knew that Harry wouldn’t show up in the mess hall for at least another hour. He wasn’t ready to see the guy just yet.

"Very well, enjoy your meal Tom."

"Thanks, I'll be back chief, no running laps while I am gone." He smiled and left. Chakotay just shook his head

"Tuvok Please sit."

"Thank you, first do you need something to drink?"

"A cup of tea would be great. It's under Cee Pee 4 Eva"

Tuvok nodded and went to order the special blend of tea. Returning with the hot brew once it materialized. Placing it on the low table behind Chakotay he took his seat.

"Chakotay I thought you and I should discuss a few things." Chakotay nodded his head to indicate for Tuvok to continue.

"The captain has informed me that you will require help with some very personal needs. I would understand if you preferred not find yourself being "exposed", so to speak to two male members of the crew."

"Thank you Tuvok. I would prefer it not to happen but I think I will not have a choice in the matter. I don’t know how we will work it out but I do know that I need to bathe and soon."

"We will do our best then." 

"Tuvok, I need to ask you a question. But I don’t know if it is invading Tom's or Harry's privacy by asking it."

"I will do my best to answer anything you feel the need to ask, if I feel it would be an invasion of privacy I will let you know."

"Thank you. Tom gave me a brief synopsis of things that happened between him and Harry. He also told me that you heard the last incident in the corridor last night."

"Yes, I was unfortunate enough to hear the altercation last evening. What is it you want to know Chakotay?'

"I am not sure if I really want to know but, I need to know. Is Harry's animosity is directed at Tom or me. Tom said it was towards us, as in our friendship. I don’t doubt what Tom said but I have a feeling he left something out."

"While I do not know exactly what Tom told you, I cam tell you that Harry's animosity is towards the friendship that you have with Tom, but it is also towards every friendship Tom has made over the years. Unfortunately at this time yours is the one at the forefront."

"Why would Harry resent or begrudge Tom any friendships? I don’t understand."

"As I explained to Tom this is just my observation. What I heard when he and Harry were arguing and what I heard from Harry, though he didn’t realize he was saying it, is that Harry expected Tom to always need him. Over the years Tom has made great strides in becoming not only a very important member of the crew but also a friend to many. Most of the crew was slow in seeing this but now that they have, and they are acknowledging him. In doing this, Tom being the friendly high-spirited person he is takes hold of these offers of friendship and makes them grow." 

"Why would this cause a problem for Harry?"

"Because Harry believed from the beginning that Tom would always need him and his friendship. Now, in Harry's eyes, Tom doesn’t so he resents everyone who has taken his friend away."

"Tom was right that is infantile. Harry is Tom's best friend, always has been, he would sooner cut off his arm than leave Harry behind."

"That may be true but Harry doesn’t see it that way. As I stated before, right now, because Tom is once again being the only kind of friend he knows how to be, you are the one who is bringing about the loss of Harry's friend."

"Maybe it would be best after all if Tom wasn’t the one here with me. I don’t want to cause him any problems."

"Chakotay, Tom wants to be here, he needs to be here. For you to send him away now it would be another rejection by another friend. Tom may be tough on the outside but I believe inside he is quite soft and he takes everything to heart. While I do not believe if you told him to go he would be angry, I think he would be hurt."

"Well that is the last thing I want to do. I just can't believe Harry, I know Tom is hurt by things Harry said to him, though I don’t know everything I am sure that it was very cruel."

"It was." If a Vulcan could look disgusted Chakotay was sure that was what he saw on Tuvok's face.

"Thank you Tuvok for being honest with me. Again, I didn’t doubt that Tom wasn’t honest, I knew he left things out. I am upset for Tom and if I could feel anger towards Harry I would. The only thing I feel for him is pity because he lost the best friend anyone could ever ask for." Tuvok could see that Chakotay meant what he said and nodded his agreement.

Tuvok got up and took the now empty cup from Chakotay and brought it to the recycler. Coming back he noticed that Chakotay looked tired.

"Chakotay would you like to go back to bed now?"

"HMM yes I am feeling tired. Why do I feel so tired?"

"I would say it is just your body telling you it needs to rest to get better. Why don’t I get you to bed you can rest a while and then Tom and I will see to your personal needs." Chakotay sighed and nodded. 

Chakotay told Tuvok how Tom managed to get him from the bedroom to the living room and they decided that the reverse was the best course of action. As Tuvok was lifting Chakotay Tom came through the doors.

"Hey I said I would help." Tom came over quickly and grabbed Chakotay around the waist for extra support. 

"Chakotay was feeling tired and I did not want him to fall asleep in the position he was in." Tuvok answered as the two men turned and placed Chakotay in the chair.

"I am sorry I took so long." 

"Tom you weren't gone more then a half hour. It's okay." Chakotay said as he sat and shook once again. Tom automatically squatted down and proceeded to calm him as he had earlier. A minute or two passed and Chakotay seemed calmer.

"You good to go?" Tom whispered.

"Yeah, thanks." Chakotay gave him a smile.

"No problem." Tom smiled back as he stood and indicated to Tuvok that Chakotay was ready. The entire scene was observed by Tuvok and mentally made a note to watch the relationship between the two men. 

Tom pulled and Tuvok pushed. They got Chakotay into his room, then Tom mirrored his earlier actions to help the older man back on to the bed. Tom and Tuvok helped Chakotay into the bed and get comfortable.

"Chakotay would you like to get cleaned up now or wait?" Tuvok asked as he stepped back from the side of the bed.

"I really don’t want to go any longer with getting cleaned up. I feel like half of sickbay is stuck to my skin." He stated sat he sat back and closed his eyes. Chakotay was tired but he hated going to sleep feeling dirty.

"I know what you mean Chief, I will get what we need." Tom headed to the bathroom.

"Chakotay?" Tuvok gently called him when he looked up. "Will you be comfortable or not."

"Tuvok, whether I am completely comfortable or not it has to be done. I can’t sleep feeling like this." Chakotay resigned himself to the fact that he would have to give up a little dignity if he wanted to feel even somewhat clean. 

Tom returned with a basin of warm soapy water, some towels and a couple of wash clothes. He then went back into the bathroom and again returned with another basin this one filled with warm water only.

"Okay I got it all figured out, to get this over with as quick and as painlessly as possible. Tuvok gets the half from the thighs down, I get the half from the belly button up and when we are done you get to do what's left. How does that sound?" Tom was quite proud of himself for figuring out a way to get the three of them through a potentially embarrassing situation. As he finished a comm badge went off. It was Tuvok's.

"Ayala to Tuvok"

"Tuvok here."

"Commander I apologize for disturbing you but there is a problem on holodeck three that needs attention. I am already here but Ensign Kim is demanding you be present." That the mention of Harry's name Tom stiffened unconsciously.

"On my way, Tuvok out. Gentlemen I am sorry. If you wish to wait until I return."

"Nah, we can handle it Tuvok." Tom hoped the worried he felt wasn’t heard in his voice.

"Very well I do apologize and I will see you tomorrow." Tuvok left.

"Well Chief, it looks like its just you and me." Tom laughed nervously.

"You okay Tom?"

"Yeah I am fine. I guess I'm a little uncomfortable but I can do this." Once he convinced himself he went about getting everything ready. He helped Chakotay turn to one side and placed a large towel on the bed and then turned him back. 

"I am going to start at your feet and work my way up. While I am doing that you can wash your face and neck. The hair will have to wait until I check with the doc about having you hanging your head over the side of the bed. Can you wait on that until tomorrow?" Tom busied himself with making clothes wet and grabbing towels, not really wanting to look at Chakotay. Then he did look up and he smiled.

 

"Yes my hair can wait another day. It's my skin that feels gross." Chakotay laughed.

"Okay here we go." Tom handed the Chakotay one cloth, he took the other and began washing his feet and calves. 

Chakotay concentrated on getting his face and neck washed, he tried very hard not to think about the blonde at the other end or what he was doing. Tom had a gentle touch, there was no scrubbing, and the only thing Chakotay could liken it to was a soft caress. He thought back to the other times that Tom seemed to caress him. When he felt panicked after being moved. Tom soothed him and comforted him with his voice and his hands. The hands of a lover..What? Where did that come from? Ignore that thought right now, he demanded of his mind. It was a bit more difficult than he would have liked especially when Tom was now almost stroking his calves. Chakotay couldn't help but leaned back into the pillow and mentally sigh. 

Tom was having similar problems trying hard not to think about the skin he was washing. Chakotay was not a hairy man, his skin was silky to the touch. Tom couldn’t stop himself from thinking what it would feel like to have that skin caress his own. Shaking his head slightly hoping that Chakotay didn’t notice that he was having some difficulty breathing. He again tried to concentrate on the task at hand. But as he made his way up to the strong muscular thighs his thoughts wandered to wondering again how it would feel to be wrapped around this skin. The feel of it as it moved over him while making love.. What? NO! Not happening! Tom did a quick mental slap. Over to the other thigh, leaning over Chakotay, he thought he heard Chakotay take a deep breath or was that a gasp? Tom ignored it, he had to, because he knew if he looked up Chakotay would see in his eyes what was going on in his mind.

When Tom leaned over him, Chakotay swore under his breath, he could smell Tom and spirits did he smell good! Chakotay didn’t think he was going to be able to sit here and have Tom wash him too often. He just knew his self-control would snap if he didn’t find a way to ignore Tom. His eyes were closed hands at his sides he fought hard not to grab Tom and pull him into a passionate kiss. Then he felt his heart pounding and he snapped open his eyes. Then he felt panic raising up, the feeling of his heart working harder then he thought it should. Trying to calm himself down, he began taking deep breaths.

Tom finished with Chakotay's legs and stood up. He then noticed Chakotay's breathing.

"Chief? You okay?"

"Yeah, just got a little panicked."

"Did I hurt you? I tried to be as gentle as I could." Tom was worried, maybe he did hurt him when he was lost in thought.

"No Tom you didn’t hurt me. Sometimes I can feel my heart pounding and it is kind of scary that is all."

"Are you sure? You want me to call the doc or something?"

"Tom really I am fine. I guess maybe because I have been sitting up for so long. The doctor did say I needed to lay down more." Chakotay reached for Tom's arm, he felt a jolt of electricity run through him but he didn’t react, he couldn’t. Scaring Tom was the last thing he wanted to do.

"You want to finish this up tomorrow?" Tom whispered he couldn’t really find his voice when Chakotay touched him he felt something electric pass through him. 

"No I am okay now, let's finish up."  
"Okay, if you are sure. I will have you turn over on your stomach so I can get the back of your legs that might help with panic feeling." He quickly dried Chakotay's legs and helped him lay down then he rolled him over. Tom started again being more attentive to the reactions Chakotay might be having. He was determined now to get the man cleaned and get him to go to sleep. It was obvious he had been up too long. Tom ignored the sight of Chakotay's ass covered only by a thin pair of shorts. 

"I will do your back now and then the only thing that is left will be your area." Tom referred back to his original dividing of Chakotay's body.

"Alright." Chakotay mumbled into his pillow. He really wanted this over with.

Tom finished his task quickly and helped Chakotay turn back over, repositioning him so he was lying more then sitting, Tom took the cloth that was still clutched in Chakotay's hand. He put the two in the basin and took a third one and wet it. Handing to Chakotay, he turned his back to give the man at least a bit of privacy. Chakotay cleaned himself up as quickly as possible, he just wanted to go to sleep at this point.

"All done." He said quietly. Tom turned around and took the cloth, then handing Chakotay a towel and a clean pair of shorts, Tom took the one basin to the bathroom and drained the water. 

Stopping for a moment just to really catch his breath. He couldn’t believe his thoughts while washing Chakotay. He thought he would never have those kinds of thoughts again. Not after Danny and Blair were done with him. Obviously he was wrong, he needed to get a handle of this he thought. The scene was going to happen quite often over the next few weeks, he had to remain professional. He would work on it, his 'patient' needed him to stay focused. 

That resolved, for the time being he returned to find Chakotay with his eyes closed, he seemed to be sleeping.

"Chief?"

"Yeah?" Chakotay answered in a whisper.

"Oh I wasn't sure if you were asleep or not. Sorry, I am just going to get the rest of this stuff cleaned up and then I will turn down the lights. You need anything?"

"No I am fine, just tired."

"Okay I will just get rid of this and get out of here so you can sleep." Tom took the last basin and the towels and discarded them.

"Okay Chief, all done. Good Night, I will be quiet as I can when I come to bed."

"Don’t worry I have a feeling I won’t hear a thing. Tom?" Chakotay stopped him as he got to the door.

"Thanks and Good Night." 

"You're welcome. Sleep well, dream sweet." With that Tom left the bedroom calling for lights out. He left the door opened slightly so he could hear if Chakotay called out. Settling on the couch, deciding he was not going to examine his feeling anymore. He grabbed his book and sat back. He briefly thought about what could have happened with Harry but decided he really didn’t care.


	7. Chapter 7

Tuvok made his way to the holodeck, when he arrived he was greeted by an angry crowd. Ken Dalby right in the front of the pack. He was yelling at Greg to let him back in so he could finish the job.

"Lieutenant Ayala, what seems to be the problem?" Tuvok decided to ignore Dalby for the moment.

"Ensign Kim and Crewmember Dalby got into an argument. When I tried to step between them Ensign Kim became extremely irate and began screaming at me also. I cleared the holodeck as quickly as I could. Ensign Kim demanded that you be summoned. He said he wouldn’t leave unless you told him to, he said that you were the only real authority on the ship, other then the captain. I should add that he is quite drunk."

"Thank you Lieutenant." Turning to Dalby. "Mr. Dalby I would like you to report to the security office at 0900 hours tomorrow morning. I believe I will need a statement from you. And we will also be discussing a few other things." He turned to the crowd in the corridor.

"As for the rest of you, please go to your quarters, it's time to call it a night."

Tuvok then entered the holodeck, Sandrine's was running, scanning the bar he found Harry sitting in a corner facing him.

"Ensign Kim you wanted to see me?"

Yeah Tuvok, you want a drink?"

"No Ensign and I believe you have had enough. What did you want to see me about?"

"I want to make a formal complain against Ken Dalby, he threatened me for the third time tonight and I don’t think I am safe." Harry's words were slow in coming, he was drunk. 

"Ensign Kim did you remove the safety protocols from this program?"

"Not me, it was sorry ass Paris, he made it so if you ordered a certain drink from Sandrine the safeties would be turn off."

"I see and knowing this you ordered the drink necessary to disable them."

"Yeah!"

"I see, well Ensign Kim, I believe it’s time for you to return to your quarters and as Mr. Paris would say sleep it off." Harry jumped up

"Don’t say that ungrateful bastard's name in my presence again!" Harry came at Tuvok, as if to hit him.

"Ensign Kim, I would strongly suggest that you stop and think before you persue this matter any further. Return to your quarters and report to the security office at 0930 hours tomorrow morning. I have cleared the corridor and I will walk with you to ensure you are not bothered. But I must warn you, if you raise your voice or attempt you strike me, I will restrain you." Tuvok took hold of Harry's arm and walked him out of the holodeck and to his quarters.

@@@@@@@@@

After that initial bath, both men reined their thoughts, each not knowing what had gone on with the other. Chakotay knew he couldn’t tell Tom, the guy would freak for sure. Tom knew he couldn’t tell Chakotay, although he had caught the offhanded comment about him and Greg, he didn’t think Chakotay would be interested.

Tom didn’t ask what happened with Harry, he didn’t want to know. Although he figured he would hear about it eventually any way. A week later he was proven right, he and Chakotay were in sickbay. While the doctor was running tests Tom sat in the doctor's office. He heard the doors swish open, looking up he saw Harry escorted by Tuvok. Tom felt a lump in his throat when he saw the shape his former friend was in. 

"Gods, he looks like he got the crap kicked out of him." He whispered, fighting the urge to go and make sure Harry was all right, he listened as best he could without appearing to be eavesdropping. He could only hear pieces and bits of the conversation, but it didn’t take much for him to figure out part of what happened.

"……Again…." The doctor groaned.

"…..Third time….." He heard Tuvok.

"…Disable the program…" doc again.

"Lieutenant Paris…. Delete…" Tuvok once again.

'Oh shit! Harry had disabled the Sandrine's safeties and been drinking. Tuvok walked into the office.

"Lieutenant Paris." Tuvok started to speak but Tom raised his hand to stop him.

"Harry ordered the right drink to have the safeties turn off." Tom finished the statement for him. "I will fix it now." 

"May I ask why you felt it necessary to program a trigger?"

"Tuvok, I wrote Sandrine's when we first got stranded out here. At the time I thought I might need it. I used the trigger once maybe twice, Harry was there the second time. I haven't even thought about it in years, I honestly forgot all about it."

"I see. I should have brought it to your attention after the first time Ensign Kim used it. The night I was called to the holodeck from Commander Chakotay's quarters. This incident is my fault." Tuvok believed the younger man when he said he forgot about it. He remembered the "Old Tom Paris" and the man standing before him were not the same.

"When I spoke to Ensign Kim the next morning he told me he had disabled the cgi-bin coding. I was unaware of the second incident he was alone. This time he ended up in an altercation with Crewman Johnson."

"Jesus, is he nuts? Paul Johnson is at least three times bigger then he is." Tom was horrified at the thought of Harry in a fight with that man.

"Indeed."

"I'm sorry Tuvok, I will delete the cgi-bin right now." Tom went to the computer in the office and after a few seconds he was in the program for Sandrine's, he deleted the necessary coding and recoded the program so no one could change anything. Once satisfied that everything was done he closed the program.

"It's done, Tuvok, and now no one but I can change anything. Also safety protocols can not be turned off without two authorizations from senior officers."

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

"I'll accept whatever reprimand you and the captain deem necessary, Tuvok. Again, I do apologize for not deleting it long ago."

Tuvok moved into the office more so Tom realized that whoever had been in sickbay would have heard Tuvok talking to him. Harry knew he was in there, even if he hadn't figured it out by seeing Chakotay. 'Oh Shit! Harry in the same room with Chakotay.' Tom turned around wildly to look out the office window to see Harry glaring at Chakotay's back. Evidently when Tuvok had come in with Harry, Chakotay choose to just ignore the ensign. 

"Tom, you are not to blame for Ensign Kim's obvious disregard for his own welfare. Because you wrote the program, although it was a violation of regulations, it was Harry who chose to utilize the subroutine. I believed you when you said that you had forgotten about it. You have done all that I would have expected you to. However, what Captain Janeway or Commander Chakotay will do or say I can not venture to guess. "

Tom flinched when he heard the captain's name but groaned when Tuvok included Chakotay. Then it hit him like a bolt of lighting. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what and why Harry had done. Standing up and squaring his shoulders Tom looked at Tuvok.

"Excuse me, Commander Tuvok, I must speak to Commander Chakotay immediately." He turned in military style, marched out of the office, ignoring Harry, and went straight to Chakotay. When Chakotay saw Tom in military parade he was confused.

"Commander Chakotay, I wish to report a violation of Starfleet regulations." Chakotay realized this had something to do with Harry and what had happened. He also knew that Tom was making a point of "reporting" this in front of Harry. He decided to play along, hoping whatever Tom was about to do would get through to Harry.

"What violation is that Lieutenant Paris and who is responsible?" Chakotay asked in full commander mode.

"The violation of Starfleet regulation eight two three section Pee subsection Cee article four alpha. 'No Starfleet personal may program a holodeck simulation with cgi-bin coding where by voice command the safety protocols of any part or the whole of said program will be terminated. The person responsible for this violation is me, Sir."

"I see and the program involved?' 

"Sandrine's, Sir."

"And the cgi-bin coding you did effected this program in what way, Lieutenant?"

 

"When a certain alcoholic beverage is ordered, one of MY favorites, the safeties are turned off and that drink contains real alcohol, Sir." Although he was still in full military mode, Tom was shaking inside. He knew he was putting himself on the line but he also hoped that by doing this Harry Kim would be proven wrong, that Chakotay wouldn’t nail him for being a screw up. 

"I see Lieutenant, have you since disabled the coding?"

"Yes Sir, the moment it was brought to my attention that the trigger had been used on at least three occasions in the past week."

"Very well, Lieutenant Paris, we will discuss what type reprimand of this violation, if any, with the Captain and Commander Tuvok when I have finished up here."

"Yes Sir, Thank you, Sir."

Chakotay could not have felt more pride in his friend then at that moment. He knew that once they got back to his quarters, Tom would tell him exactly what had happened. All he could do was smile and wink at Tom.

"Dismissed, Lieutenant." 

When Tom saw the smile and wink he knew that Chakotay had some understanding as to why he had just done what he did. Letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding he nodded and walked back to the doctor's office, once again not looking at Harry.

Tuvok and the doctor watched Harry Kim and not the two officers. They watched as Harry's expressions changed during the exchange between Tom and Chakotay. First there was the look of anticipated joy, believing that his plan had worked. He just knew that as soon as the commander heard what Paris had done, he would prove Harry right and tell him he was a screw up and to leave him alone. The commander would order Paris to pack his bags and get out of his cabin, he would find someone else to take care of him.

Then that expression changed to one of confusion as the commander didn’t blow up instead he allowed Paris to explain the violation. There were no angry words or even a look of disgust coming from the commander. The next emotion that ran over Harry's face was one of complete disbelief, the commander accepted Paris' word that the program had been fixed, something Harry wasn’t completely convinced of, Paris' lied a lot. Then he said there might not be any repercussions from his actions, that it would be discussed between the three most senior officers *with* Paris. 

'What the hell kind of game is the commander playing?' He thought. Oh, he knew what was going on, no one else would stay with the commander twenty-four hours a day, he was using Paris for now, and when he returned to full duty he would nail Paris good. Then Harry would be the victor. 

Harry smiled to himself, he just knew victory would be his soon, and then Tom Paris would come crawling back to him begging him to forgive him. Harry would of course forgive him, but he would know that Harry would never again tolerate that Tom felt he needed anyone other then him as his true friend.

"You are done Ensign Kim, you can go back to your quarters, you are off for the day." The doctor dismissed him, if the hologram could be annoyed he would have been.

"One minute Ensign Kim. There is the matter of you once again lying to a superior officer that needs to be addressed. For your deception the reprimand is two days confined to your quarters, excluding today, and your replicator rations suspended for two weeks. Know this, Ensign, if you lie to me again, you will be brought before a board of your peers and punishment will be much harsher."

"Yes, Sir. It that it?" Harry's tone made everyone stop, he was disrespectful and rude to Tuvok.

"That is all, Ensign. You are dismissed." Tuvok turned on his heels and left sickbay. Harry followed suit.

Tom just sat in the office shaking his head, he wondered if it was his fault after all that Harry was so bitter. The doctor came into the office interrupting Tom's thoughts.

"Mr. Paris, you are doing a fine job of taking care of the commander. He tells me that you have found several different sources of protein for him to supplement his diet. I have to tell you that I am extremely proud of you for all you have done."

"Thanks Doc, just doing my job, you know." 

"You are doing more than that Tom, I have never seen the commander this relaxed. He tells me that he is still a bit shaky at times."

"Yeah, if he sits for long periods of time he seems to be more shaky than when he has laid down for the same amount of time. But it passes quickly, we just talk through it and he is fine within a minute or two."

"Very well. I also wanted to tell you that again my admiration for you has risen. What you did earlier took a lot of guts and I for one am impressed."

"Thanks Doc, let's just hope Chakotay and the captain are just as impressed."

"I am sure he is and she will be. You can take the commander home now. See you in two days, unless you need me for something before then."

"Okay Doc." Tom said as he left the office. He went over to Chakotay who was still half sitting half lying on the biobed.

"You ready, Chief?"

"Sure am, Tom." Tom nodded and called for the transport. 

When they rematerialized in Chakotay's quarters, as usual he found himself in his bed. He couldn’t help but smile, everything Tom did for his friends was done with such care.

"Tom, I have to tell you I was really proud of you in sickbay. Owning up to the violation, but I'm not sure why you did it, care to tell me?" He motioned to Tom to take his normal seat at the end of his bed, Tom sat in the offered space.

"Simple, Chief, I figured out that Harry was using the "glitch" in the program hoping he would get caught just like he had. Then he could point the finger at me, without me being around, because it is my program and my subroutine." Tom stopped and took a deep breath.

"It's even my favorite drink, Mi Ti, then I would confess, you would freak and call me a screw up, just like Harry says you will someday. I'll have to go back to him and beg him to forgive me for not believing him when he told me you would turn on me the next time I screwed up." Again he paused almost waiting for Chakotay to say something, when he didn’t Tom continued.

"Thing is, Chief, that even if that all happened, if you did call me a screw up and boot me out of here, I meant what I said about rotting in my cabin before I'd ever beg him for his forgiveness or friendship." Stopping for a second to calm himself, he didn’t realize how angry he was until just then.

"Yes, I screwed up, I admit that, but I wrote that program a long time ago. Hell, I forgot that the trigger was even there. Obviously Harry hadn't, it's almost like he filed it away for later use. I have done a lot of thinking the past two weeks Chief, since you first got sick and Harry started acting like a lunatic. I don’t think he really ever was a friend to me, he remembered everything I ever told him I did and then looked for the chance to use it against me. He used it to keep me inline so to speak. That isn't a friend, not in my book."

"Tom you know I'd never do that, don’t you? Not after everything you have done for the others and me. I can't say for sure how I would have reacted as your commanding officer but as your friend, I would never hold something like that against you. You have changed so much in the past five years. You are a good man Tom, don’t ever doubt that." Chakotay smiled at him, reached out and rubbed Tom's arm as if to reassure him of what was being said.

"Thanks Chief, I do know it but I guess it's just nice to hear sometimes." Tom said softly.

"Anytime Tom." Chakotay stifled a yawn.

"Oh looks like naptime for the bear." Tom stated when he saw the yawn, getting off the bed he helped Chakotay lay back.

"Night Chakotay, sleep well dream sweet." Tom going with an urge leaned down and gave the older man a kiss on his forehead.

"Night Tom. Thanks." Chakotay yawned and fell asleep.

@@@@@@@@@

 

Over the next three weeks Tom and Chakotay talked about everything and anything. Different experiences they had during their lives. Tom told Chakotay about his mom and the guilt that he felt over not being around to help. Chakotay then understood why Tom was so adamant about him following the doctor's order exactly. 

Chakotay spoke about feeling like the "Token Indian" at the Academy. How thrilled he was when he finally got his first commission and the devastation he felt when he learned of his father's death. The devastation was increased when because of his decision to leave Starfleet he lost a lover. The person he was sure he would spend the rest of his life with the person.

 

This particular night found them once again sitting on Chakotay's bed talking about various things. Among them the choices and chances they both lost because they were in the Delta Quadrant. Chakotay spoke about the loneliness he sometimes felt since coming on Voyager. He admitted he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life alone, but it looked like that just might be the case.

"Why do you think you will be alone forever? None of the women on Voyager fit your idea of the perfect wife?" There was no sarcasm in Tom's tone just some bewilderment and maybe a little sadness.

"Tom, honestly, I never saw myself with a wife. I always saw my life being fulfilled with a man by my side." Tom was surprised by the admission.

"You seemed surprised." Chakotay wondered if Tom had trouble with thinking of two men dedicating themselves to each other. There was a bit of dread underlying that thought. Over the past few weeks, getting to know Tom even more. Chakotay already knowing, from his first sponge bath, that he was attracted to Tom on many levels. He was intelligent, witty, sensitive, caring, challenging. All qualities Chakotay looked for in a partner, not to mention a body that seemed to beg to be caressed and a great ass.

"I am actually but I don’t know why. If you find someone, regardless of gender, that fulfills all your needs and wants, that is what matters. I know that but I guess I always saw you in that light with a woman not a man." Over the past couple of weeks Tom had found himself thinking that Chakotay the type of person he wanted in his life on a permanent basis and not just as a friend. Which of course surprised him given his only experience with a man was not a pleasant one. Though giving Chakotay sponge baths proved to him that experience really didn’t turn him off to the idea of being with a man. Having this conversation made he come to the realization that he hoped he was wrong in his thinking Chakotay would only be happy with a woman. 

"Tom, don’t get me wrong, I love being in the company of women. I enjoy having a sexual relationship with a woman. But when it comes to thinking long term I know that, for me, my happiness would be in sharing my life with a man. You know the day to day things, just living life." Lowering his voice just a bit.

"Sort of like the way we have been doing for the past few weeks, and the sex would be great too." Chakotay figured he would try a backhanded way to find out if Tom felt the way he did about perusing a relationship between them.

Tom couldn’t help but blushed at Chakotay's words. Almost afraid to voice what he was thinking he whispered.

"Chakotay, are you saying you want to have sex with me?" Once he said it, Tom realized he wanted that even if it did scare him a bit. 

"If I was, would it offend you?' Going for broke, Chakotay leaned a bit closer to Tom, invading his personal space just a little. He noticed Tom's chest hike as if he had gasped for air as what Chakotay said registered.

"No, I would not be offended." Tom said in a hushed voice looking down at his hand instead of the older man. 

 

"But it scares me, Chief. I mean you know about my only experience.." Chakotay placed his hand on Tom's chin and lifted it so he was looking into his eyes.  
"Tom, what you experienced, whether you like the word or not, was rape. When sex is consensual, just as with a woman, it can be and is wonderful with a man." He slid his hand to Tom's cheek and gently stroked it.

"Cha, sex between us could not be compared to sex with a woman." Tom shivered as the caress continued and Chakotay leaned in closer.

"It can be so much better than sex with a woman." Chakotay whispered as he kissed the cheek he had been caressing. This time Tom did gasp and swallowed hard.

"Would you like to find out, Tom, just how good it could be?" The next kiss was placed closer to his mouth.

"Would you like to find out how good I could make you feel? How good you could make me feel?" Once more a kiss was gently placed, this time on his lips.

Tom shivered from the touch of Chakotay's lips on his, he leaned in kissed Chakotay back. 

"Yes." Was all he could say, and as soon as the word crossed his lips he felt Chakotay's hand on the back of his neck gently pulling him in to deepen the kiss. 

Tom moaned when he felt a tongue slid over his suddenly over sensitized lips and opened his mouth to allow the entrance it was asking for. Sensing Tom's surrender Chakotay pulled him closer and kissed him with all the passion he felt. Tom went willing and wrapped his arms around Chakotay and allowed the passion to take over. Both men giving into the other, quenching a thirst neither realized they had, the kiss become more passionate, more desperate.

Finally breaking the kiss because self-preservation and air was required, Tom laid his forehead on Chakotay's.

"Damn!" He panted. "If that was an indication of how good you are going to make me feel, then not only is the answer yes but please and now." Chakotay smiled inwardly and resumed the kissed, but only briefly.

"I promise." Chakotay whispered as he held Tom tighter

Tom rested his head on Chakotay's shoulder, loosing himself in the moment. He snapped back into reality when he felt Chakotay's broad chest rise and fall with a heavy sigh. Lifting his head off the older man's shoulder he looked into his eyes

"Tom?" Not sure what the younger man was thinking.

"Chief, as much as I want to have you fulfill your promise here and now. I can't, not yet, you are still recovering and I think what you have in mind would fall under the category as strenuous exercise. The doc did say that was out of the question for a couple of more weeks." Chakotay groaned when he realized Tom was right.

"Shit!" was all he could say

"I know Cha, I know. But I would rather die than get so caught up in the moment and the wonderful feelings you are stirring in me then have you end up back in sickbay." Tom hugged Chakotay and gently kissed him on the side of his neck.

"We will wait, as much as I want to say to hell with it, I don’t want to cause you any distress so we will wait." Chakotay loosened his hold on Tom and sat back. 

"Please don’t be disappointed Cha, don’t think that I don’t want to be with you because I do. I just want to be sure that physically you are okay. Because you have to admit if that kiss was even a tenth of what it's going to feel like when we actually do have sex, I could be the one who has a heart attack." Tom smiled shyly 

"Well we can't have that can we? I'm not disappointed Tom, how could I be? You have told me you want me as much as I want you. We will wait until the doctor says it's okay, then I am going to take you to places you'd never dreamed you'd go." Chakotay promised and then sealed that promise with a kiss that allowed showed Tom he meant that promise.

Ending the kiss reluctantly, releasing Tom from his embrace he laid down, suddenly feeling very tired.

 

"Tom, lay down with me for a while. I think all this pent up frustration has made me tire." 

 

"Damn Chief, I am sorry. I wasn’t thinking." Tom moved to get off the bed angry with himself that he allowed things to get so tense. Chakotay stopped him from leaving.

"Tom it's not your fault, it's neither of our fault, it just happened. I just want to hold you, fall asleep with you in my arms. Come lay down with me until I fall asleep." Chakotay took Tom's arm and pulled him towards him. Tom went willingly and they laid together. Chakotay wrapping Tom up in his arms holding him as close as he could. Tom snuggled into the embrace. He sighed enjoying the wonderful feeling of being exactly where he was. Tom heard Chakotay's breathing slow and deepen, knowing that he was now asleep, Tom decided he would stay a bit longer not wanted to disturb him. Soon Tom was asleep also.

@@@@@@@@

The six weeks was up, Chakotay was in sickbay, Tom close by. In the two weeks since they discovered they both wanted a deeper relationship, they explored each other as much as they could without getting too carried away. It was really difficult for both men but they had done it. Tom thought that they should just keep everything to themselves for the moment.

When someone would stop by to visit, it appeared that they were just friends maybe a little closer but why wouldn’t they be? They spent all their time together. Tom very rarely left Chakotay's quarters he admitted to Chakotay that he was a bit afraid that if he left and something happened he would never forgive himself. Chakotay tried to reason with him that there was always someone there, someone always came to visit and Tom was suppose to use that time to get out a bit. Tom finally admitted that he didn’t want to run into Harry, he didn’t want to fight with the guy anymore and he didn’t want to have to justify himself to the jerk. 

Chakotay understood completely and had vowed to himself that once he was completely recovered he would pay the young ensign a visit. He was determined to find out exactly what Harry Kim's problem was. Chakotay hated to see Tom upset and if Harry's name came up for any reason Chakotay could see his younger lover's face sag into sadness just briefly but it was there.

The doctor came over to the biobed bringing Chakotay back to the present.

(Author's note: I apologize in advance for this next part. My muse demanded that I write it this way.) 

"Commander, I am sorry to have kept you waiting. How are you feeling?"

"That's alright doctor I understand. I am feeling really good actually. Ready to go on with the next phase of my recovery." As Chakotay spoke the doctor ran a few scans, when he was done he gave a satisfied "hmm"

"The artery has healed nicely and the blood flow appears to be as it should. I still want you to take it slow. You can now increase your exercise, but nothing too strenuous."

'Damn, no hot money sex' Chakotay thought as he nodded his understanding at the doctor.

"You will still need to rest often and avoid stress as much as possible."

'There go the whips and chains. Tom thought as he stood by and listened.

"As for your diet, because you are a vegetarian your sources of protein are limited."

'I got your protein right here.' Tom's thought as he felt himself getting hard just thinking about what was going to happen once he and Chakotay left sickbay.

"I would still suggest one nutritional supplement drink a day." Chakotay shivered 

"Doc, I can't drink that stuff, it's too slimy." 

'And cum isn't' Tom's thoughts now running wild.

"Whether it is slimy or not Commander it will provide the necessary protein you need to help your body continue its recovery."

'I said, I got your protein right here, he won't need anything else.' Tom screamed mentally. Clearly his throat Tom spoke up.

"Doc, I am sure we can find some sort of protein supplement that will satisfy Chakotay's need." He smiled innocently, Chakotay snorted as if he knew what was on Tom's mind.

(Author note: I think she is done now, again I apologize for the cheekiness)

 

"Well, Mr. Paris, The Commander will be taking care of himself now. You can move back to your quarters and get on with your life."  
"Doc, my life is just fine the way it is. I think that Chakotay still needs to have someone there at night just in case, don’t you?" Tom prayed the doctor didn’t see through the medic mask he was wearing. He had no intention of moving back to his own quarters even, if he had any say in the matter.

"Mr. Paris, I am the physician here, I think I can better assess what The Commander needs and doesn't need." The doctor spoke with all his arrogance firmly in place.

"Excuse me, don’t I have a say in whether I am alone or not?" Chakotay broke in. He looked at Tom and could see in his eyes that Tom thought he was going to say 'I don’t need you anymore'. That was the furthest thing from the truth.

"Of course, Commander." "Sorry Chief." The two others said at the same time.

"Thank you. Now I agree with that doctor that I am capable of being on my own" He saw Tom's face drop even more.

"But to be honest, I am not sure if I am comfortable with being alone all the time. I admit that I am worried that if something should happen to me while I am, no one will know until the morning and it could be too late. So, Tom, if you are willing, I would like it if you were to stay a bit longer, just to be on the safe side." Chakotay smiled at the younger man and hoped that he understood everything he was saying.

"I don’t mind at all, Chakotay." Tom smiled back, though Chakotay wasn’t sure if that smile completely reached his eyes.

"Very well, Commander, it is your call, as for you going back on duty. I am going to recommend half shifts starting in one week. After two weeks, depending on how you feel, you may resume your full duty shift. But YOU must listen to your body. When you feel tired, sleep, when you feel hungry, eat. I also think you should talk to someone about things you are feeling. Emotional stress can by just as hard, if not harder on your system."

"Tom and I have been doing that a lot lately. I think he can continue to help me in that respect." Again Chakotay was looking at Tom trying to convey to him that he wasn’t letting him go.

"I was thinking along the lines of a counselor Commander."

"Tom is a fine counselor, Doctor, he listens, knows when to say something and when not to. He has offered me good advice and a great ear over these past six weeks. I don't think I need to find someone else to rehash everything I have with him already."

"Commander Mr. Paris is not a trained therapist."

"Neither am I, but I am expected to do it. A therapist, is just someone who is willing to listen and not pass judgement. That is one of Tom's most enduring qualities."

Chakotay was not looking at the doctor at all. He was focused on Tom, telling him in not so many words, that he was all he would ever need. As he watched Tom's face he saw the light of understanding dawn in his eyes. 

Tom heard the words that were said, it took a minute for it all to sink in, but when it did the joy he felt made him weep. He moved closer, slid his hands up Chakotay's neck and held his face. Leaning in Tom kissed Chakotay deeply and passionate, letting the older man know he understood completely.

The doctor cleared his throat "Excuse me." Tom broke the kiss and moved back.

"Sorry." Was all he could say. Chakotay shook his head raised his hand to Tom's cheek and stroked it gently.

"There is nothing to be sorry for Tom. You said exactly what I wanted you to say." Chakotay said in a hushed tone and smiled.

"I take it that the relationship between the two of you has changed over the past six weeks gentlemen." Stating the obvious was always one of the doctor's annoying habits.

"Things change, Doc, things always change." Tom answered simply not taking his eyes off Chakotay.

"I see, well, then because of the obvious changes I suppose I should tell you that sex is okay, as long as it isn't too wild."

"Thanks Doc, are we through here?" Chakotay asked, he really wanted to get Tom alone and touch his soul.

"Yes, we are through. Good Day gentlemen." 

Tom called for the beam out as he put his arms around Chakotay and they disappeared from sickbay.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom lays Harry out.

Rematerializing in Chakotay's quarters, more precisely in his bed. Tom fell on to Chakotay in surprise.

"I forgot to how accurate Tuvok was." He laughed as he pushed himself off the other man. Chakotay stopped him and pulled him closer.

"I don't mind a bit." He whispered as he captured Tom's lips with his own. Kissing Tom had become a favorite pastime of his.

 

Chakotay ran the tip of his tongue along Tom's lips silently asking for permission to enter. Tom groaned and gave permission freely, he opened his mouth and sucked the tongue in. Both moaned at the sensation and deepened the kiss. As they did, Tom kicked off his shoes and moved to cover Chakotay's body with his own.

Chakotay reluctantly ended the kiss, stroking Tom's back, he looked into the blue eyes filled with desire.

"Tom I want to fulfill my promise to you now, that is if you want me to."

"Yes please, Chief. I want you." Tom whispered as he placed his hands along the sides of Chakotay's face and kissed him again. Chakotay returned the kiss, holding on to Tom, he rolled the two of them on to their sides. Withdrawing from the kiss he gently pushed Tom so he was on his back then ran his hand up and down his chest.

"Then I will, just enjoy, and if there is something that makes you feel uncomfortable tell me please." Tom nodded his agreement, closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feeling of Chakotay's hands moving over him.

When he saw Tom's surrender Chakotay began kissing him, starting with his forehead and slowly made his way down over his face and neck as he unbuttoned Tom's shirt. Once Tom's chest and abdomen were exposed, Chakotay moved to taste every inch of skin, alternating between kisses, nibbles and licks randomly over Tom's neck, chest and stomach, not allowing Tom to know what to expect next. Tom wiggled and moaned and sometimes let out a hushed scream as Chakotay attacked his senses.

As he continued his assault with his mouth, Chakotay brought his hand to the front of Tom's pants, lightly brushing it over the rock hard bulge. Tom's hips jerked upward into the hand that was unfastening the button then slowly sliding the zipper down, again exposing more.

Chakotay moved to retake Tom's mouth but only for a brief moment. Pulling himself away, he couldn’t help be chuckle to himself as Tom tried to follow him with his mouth. He moved to position himself at the bed of the end and leaned over to removed Tom's pants. Tom lifted his hips automatically when he felt his pants coming off his waist. Both men looked into each other's eyes, watching the play of arousal dancing through them. Chakotay slid the pants and boxers down his legs, the feel of Chakotay's fingertips running over his skin made Tom shiver.

"Oh gods, please Cha!" He moaned loudly as he felt the older man kiss the inside of his calf. 

Chakotay kissed and licked his way up one leg, when he reached the junction of hip and thigh he gently sucked at the skin then licked to sooth the slight pain it caused. The sound that action wrung from Tom could have only been described as a mixture of a moan, a scream and a plea. Then he moaned in protest as the mouth moved away, only to gasp again when he felt that tongue ran across the base of his erection.

Testing the mental theory that he could produce that beautiful moan sound again, Chakotay repeated his suck, lick motion on the other hip leg junction and was proved right. Continuing on down he once again took to kissing, nibbling and licking Tom's other leg until finally Tom reached for him, Chakotay stopped and looked up at his lover. What he saw was a plea for him to stop, to continue, to please make love to him. He moved to lie on top of Tom and kissed him.

"Cha, Please, make love to me now. Don’t make me wait any longer." His voice cracked with desire.

"I am Tom, I am." Chakotay answered as he kissed him over and over again. 

 

"No, you are slowly killing me." Chakotay looked up and laughed softly.

"But what a way to go, right?"

Chakotay moved off of Tom and off the bed, he removed his clothes slowly as he watched Tom licked his lips in anticipation. Once naked he went to the bathroom and quickly returned with lubricant. When he looked at Tom again he saw a bit of nervousness play across the younger man's face.

"Are you sure Tom?" Even though Chakotay wanted to make love to Tom, he wouldn’t if he was too afraid.

"Yes, I am sure." Tom said as he reached out and pulled Chakotay to lay on top of him again. The first touch of that silky skin against his own caused yet another gasp to escape from him. Never one to be completely passive when making love, Tom put his arms around Chakotay and stroked anywhere he could reach kissing him deeply as he did. Tom's hands found the firm muscular rear end and pulled it closer to him, causing their two extremely hard erections to rub together. Both men screamed into each other's mouth as the electrically sensation ran through them. Tom's hips involuntarily began bucking up to cause more friction.

"Tom please, if you keep doing that I am going to cum before we get any further."

"Cha, I need you please now." Chakotay groaned at the words and moved off of Tom.

"As you wish." He said leaning down and kissing Tom's neck. 

Chakotay slid his hand over Tom's chest, down his stomach, passed his erection to where his legs came together and gently pushed his thighs. Understanding what Chakotay wanted Tom opened his legs. Chakotay then slid his hand to the tightening sac, fondly the two orbs nestled inside. As he did this he kneel in between Tom's legs opening them further. 

Once there he stopped his assault to open the lube and cover his fingers with it. Going back to where he was before, Chakotay slid a finger over the pucker entrance and then in. Tom was beyond all thought at this point, all he could do was feel and what he felt almost made he weep with joy. He hands held on the bedcovers as if he was holding on for dear life, mentally begging Chakotay to hurry. Then he felt two fingers placing the one, stretching him preparing him for what was to come. When Chakotay ran his fingers over the gland buried deep inside Tom screamed.

Three fingers now and Chakotay felt Tom pushed against them. He continued to stretch him just a bit more, making sure he was ready. 

"Now, Cha, now! I need you inside me NOW!"

Chakotay needed to be inside Tom just as much, so he removed his fingers, covered his own erection with lube, took hold of Tom's legs and pushed them open and up. He pulled them around his waist, he then took his erection and guided it slowly into Tom.

Both men shouted their joy as the initial joining happened. 

Chakotay slowed himself, the need to pushed completely inside was overwhelming. He had to make sure Tom was ready. When he felt Tom relax, he pushed in more causing another moan to escape Tom's lips.

"Tom? You okay?" Chakotay asking breathlessly

"Oh gods! Yes Cha! Wonderful!" To emphasize just how wonderful he was. Tom pushed down with his hips taking more of Chakotay's cock inside him.

"SPIRITS!" Chakotay had to move now, slowly at first but then increasing his speed and deepening his thrusts. 

"Yes, oh yes! Feels so good!" Tom screamed "More Please More!"

Chakotay reach between them and took hold of Tom's weeping cock, he began moving his hand in tandem with his hips, causing a double assault on Tom's already over taxed senses.

"Yes! Cha! I'm cumming." Tom screamed out.

"Cum Tom, Cum with me now!" Chakotay roared as the height of his orgasm hit him, he felt and heard Tom erupt, covering his hand with a stream of semen, as his own spilled out into Tom. Both screamed out the other's name as they did so.

Chakotay instantly collapsed on top of Tom. Tom slid his legs off Chakotay's waist and down his legs again wrapping them around the older man as he rolled them to their sides. Each was panting and gasping for breath, slowly coming down from having made the other's soul soar.

Tom recovered first, he leaned in kissed Chakotay and laid his arm around his waist.

"Amazing. Absolutely amazing." Tom whispered as he brushed his hand over Chakotay's face. Chakotay smiled and mirrored Tom's actions.

"Yes you were absolutely amazing." He closed his eyes and sighed. 

"You tired Chief?"

"Not tired, Tom, just blissfully happy." He opened his eyes and smiled. Tom smiled back and then got up to get something to clean them off with. When he was done he got back in and wrapped himself around Chakotay.

"How about we take a nap? Because I am tired." He kissed Chakotay's forehead.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Chakotay responded as he pulled Tom into a tight embrace. Again they both signed and soon were asleep.

 

@@@@@

 

Sometime later Chakotay woke to the sound of his door chime. He gently shook Tom to wake him.

"Computer who is at my door?"

"Captain Kathryn Janeway."

Tom jumped when he heard the name, grabbing his pants and shirt off the floor he dressed quickly. As he exited the bedroom he closed the door, running his hands through his hair and called for the captain to enter.

"Afternoon Tom, did I wake you?"

"Sorry captain, Chakotay and I just decided to rest."

"Is he still asleep? I wanted to talk to him about returning to duty."

"I will check." Tom turned not noticing the captain's curious look. Was that a hickey on Tom's neck? She shook her head, she must have imagined it.

"Hey chief you have a visitor." Tom called through the door. Mere seconds later the door slid open to a sleepy looking Chakotay dressed only in shorts and a robe.

"Afternoon Kathryn." He smiled

"Afternoon Chakotay. I am sorry I didn’t mean to wake you."

"It's okay Kathryn. Although the doctor says I am almost fully recovered, days like today I feel like I could just curl up and sleep the day away." He looked at Tom as he said this and smiled and Tom blushed.

Kathryn watched the exchange between Chakotay and Tom again seeing the mark on Tom's neck. Suddenly she realized what was really going on. 

"Well, this is a surprise."

"What is?" Chakotay turned back to look at his friend.

"I can see that things have changed between the two of you."

"You can how?" Tom asked this time.

"Well, let's see. Chakotay has this glow to his skin and I don’t think it's from having a normal blood flow going on in his body." She turned to Tom. "And you Mr. Paris have a hickey the size of a small tricorder on your neck." Tom's blush deepened.

"Chakotay!" He yelled and ran into the bathroom. Chakotay and Kathryn laughed out loud. He offered her a seat and she took it.

"So when did this happen Chakotay?"

"Over the past four weeks."

"So no long ago hidden desire?"

"Nope, we truly were just friends, until then." Chakotay looked up as Tom came back in the room.

"I'm sorry Tom, I guess I got carried away."

"It's okay Chief, I suppose there is no sense hiding anyway. I don’t think I can play just the concerned friend anymore anyway." He smiled as he sat down next to him. Chakotay put his arm around Tom and pulled him closer.

"There isn't going to be a problem is there captain?" Tom was afraid that the captain would have concerns because they were both men and senior officers.

"I don’t have one, and I don’t think anyone else will either. Well except maybe Harry Kim." She frowned a little, the ensign had really taken a bad turn recently.

"Captain no disrespect to you. But Harry Kim can take whatever problem he has with me and Chakotay being together and blow it out his ass." Tom was not going to give up Chakotay now because that little weasel had a problem.

"Tom, please." Chakotay pleaded with him not to get upset.

"Chief, I am not upset, I am angry. From what I have heard Harry has been getting worse and worse the past six weeks. I am sorry that he thought that I would only ever need him. I am thirty-two years old, I am not going to play 'You can't be friends with him because you are friends with me' games with him or anyone else."

"Tom, have you tried to talk to him? I mean since the incident with Sandrine's program?" Kathryn really was hoping Tom could bring Harry out of the funk he has been in.

"Captain I haven't seen or spoken to Harry since the night I moved in here."

"Would you be willing to try?" Still hopeful she just had to ask.

"Honestly Captain, I don’t know. If I go to talk to him now, he is going to believe that he was right that as soon as Chakotay was better he booted my ass and wants nothing more to do with me."

"Not with that hickey on your neck he won't" Chakotay laughed as he hugged Tom.

"Chief, please." Tom blushed and leaned into Chakotay's arms. 

"Captain, the best I can do is see if I can talk to him in say the mess hall. I will not go to his quarters. I will not seek him out that will only play into his warped sense of victory." Tom firmed in his conviction to make sure Harry knows that he doesn’t need him.

"Also I am not going to befriend him again just to make people happy, I'm sorry captain but that includes you. You don’t know everything he said to me, and I don’t mean just since Chakotay got sick. When I had the chance and the inclination I sat and thought about everything that has gone on over the years and what I saw I didn't like at all." He took a deep breath to steady himself for the next part.

"I can not and will not subject myself to anyone belittling me ever again. Harry took every thing that happened in my life and used it against me. Used it to keep me inline, just like my father did. Reminding me every chance he got that I was a screw up. Oh, he didn’t use the same tactics as my father, he didn’t come out and say he was disappointed with me, no he used the crew to express that." Tom stopped for a moment, he felt as if he was going to cry.

" Whenever he thought I was getting to close to making a new friend he would subtly remind me of something I had done in the past that caused the person to think poorly of me. He did it with everyone and that includes you and Chakotay. I will not allow him to do that again. The best I can offer is to try and make him understand that having more than one person, as a friend is something I want something I have always wanted. And now what I want most of all is to be able to go to the mess hall or the holodeck with Chakotay and not have to worry about Harry picking a fight."

"Tom I would never ask you to give up Chakotay as a friend or a lover. I would never ask you to give up anyone. All I am asking is if you would talk to Harry find out what is really going on with him. Tuvok and I don’t know what else to do, he doesn’t talk to anyone, refuses to come out of his cabin except for duty."

"That might be the smartest thing he has done in the past six weeks, if the last time I saw him was any indication. He was beaten up pretty good." Chakotay said remembering the way Harry looked that day in sickbay when Tom confessed about the holoprogram glitch.

"Yes, well I need my Ops officer whole. Tom all I am asking is for you to think about okay?"

"I will captain, but I am not promising anything. For all you know I might make it worse by talking to him."

"I doubt that, but enough about Harry Kim. What I want to know is what is going on with you two, besides the obvious." She smiled at both men. Tom blushed and Chakotay grinned.

"Well besides the obvious, I think that Tom and I have discovered a new way to go through life and I can only hope he wants to go with me." Chakotay turned at Tom and took hold of his chin, making the younger man look at him.

"Tom I meant what I said this morning. I want you here with me, and not just as my caregiver. You are my best friend, my counselor and my lover. I would like you to move in here completely." He then looked at Kathryn. "That is if you have no objections."

"I have no objections whatsoever."

"Chief, you mean that?"

"Of course I do Tom. I want you here with me always. Not just for a night or two. I have become quite content in my day to day life with you in it." Almost echoing the words he said to Tom a couple of weeks ago, explaining how he wanted to live his life.

"Oh Cha!" Tom placed his hands on the sides of Chakotay face and leaned in to kiss him, forgetting that the captain was there, he put his entire heart and soul into the kiss. Chakotay put his all into the kiss also, just to reconfirm what he had said. After a minute Kathryn cleared her throat to remind them she was still in the room. Chakotay broke the kiss and felt himself blush.

"Sorry Kathryn."

"Don’t be, it's good to see the two of you finally happy. Although I think a few hearts are going to break."

"Why do you say that Kathryn?"

"Because from the look of things, the two of you are now off the market forever."

"Oh like anyone was actually ever truly interested in me?" Chakotay snorted.

"You would be surprised."

"Yeah Chief, I do know that there are a couple of ladies on the lower decks pining away for you."

"Well too late now. I am quite happy with the way things have changed around here." Chakotay again kissed Tom to bring home the point.

"Glad to hear it Chief." Tom whispered when the kiss ended.

"Well gentlemen, I did come here for a reason and that reason was to talk to Chakotay about him going back on duty."

"Alright captain." Tom stood. "I am going to go and take a shower and then I am going to go and get some more of my things." Tom smiled leaned over and kissed Chakotay then walked into the bathroom. Chakotay followed him with his eyes not wanting to miss a movement.

"Chakotay I have to tell you that I am really surprised by this. But a happy surprised."

"Honestly, Kathryn so am I. If anyone had told me two months ago that I would ask Tom to move in with me I would have order a psychiatric evaluation on them. But now I can't think of anything I want more."

"I can see that."

"What concerns me is the reaction of some people, especially Ensign Kim. If he causes Tom anymore pain, I will not be held responsible for my actions."

"Chakotay first off you have to remember to stay calm, avoid stress. I know that is what the doctor told you. Second, Tom can take care of himself. I don’t think at this point Harry Kim can do anything more to hurt him, not where is counts in here." She points to her own heart.

"I hope not Kathryn. I truly hope not." He sighed. "Now about me coming back on duty. The doctor said I can do half shifts for two weeks starting next week."

"Yes and the way I would like it to work this is; your first day back you work the morning half then the afternoon half the next day. Continuing that for the full two weeks. I thought that would give you enough time in between to rest completely."

"Kathryn, I do appreciate what you are trying to do. But I don’t need special treatment."

"This has nothing to do with special treatment. This is about making sure that you are well enough to return to work. You are my best friend, but you are also my first officer. I need to make sure that you are fully recovered, I know that doctor said you are but I have to see for myself. Chakotay, I don’t think I have ever been more scared in my entire life then that day in the mess hall. I don’t want to lose you at all, but definitely not like that." Kathryn found herself shaking a bit as the memory of witnessing Chakotay's heart attack came back to her once again. 

Chakotay seeing his friend in distress he moved to hug her. And as he did Tom came out of the bedroom.

"Oh sure I am gone ten minutes and already he has replaced me with a woman!" Tom cried in mock-horror. That caused Kathryn to laugh and pull away from Chakotay, she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Believe me Tom, I could never replace you."

"Nope, you aren't built right." He smiled.

"You're too short." He added before either one could say anything.

"Well I am out of here. I will be back as soon as I can Chief. I will get dinner for us when I get back."

"Tom I am quite capable of getting dinner for us."

"I didn’t say you weren't Cha. I just want to do it tonight okay?" He asked quietly as he leaned in to kiss him.

"Okay." Chakotay whispered. "See you when you get back."

"Sure thing, you should rest you know. The doctor said you still need plenty of it."

"Yes, dear." Chakotay snipped. 

"Yeah, don’t get snippy with me old man, I am still in charge of your being well." Turning to the captain. "Please make sure he gets some rest captain. I don’t trust him to listen to me anymore. After all I am just his boyfriend now." Tom smirked as he walked out the door.

"BRAT!" Chakotay called after him but it fell in the air for Tom was gone.

"You sure you are up to this, Chakotay he could be quite a handful." Kathryn laughed.

"I am sure Kathryn, I have never been happier then I am right now. I can take anything Tom throws my way."

"Good, now I will listen to him and make sure you get rest. Go lay down and wait for your 'boyfriend' to come home and feed you."

" Gods, that sounds wonderful!" Chakotay stood and walked with Kathryn to the door. 

"Thank you Kathryn for everything. And thank you for being such a wonderful friend."

"You are welcome, Chakotay. Now go and rest, I do not want Tom hanging me out to dry because you don’t get enough rest today." Kathryn hugged him, kissed his cheek and left. 

Chakotay went to his bedroom striped and got into bed, with a smile on his face he fell asleep thinking about Tom in his arms.

 

@@@@@@@@@

Tom strolled along the corridor happily, whistling to himself, he couldn’t believe that he was on his way to move his things from his quarters to Chakotay's. 'My how things have changed.' Six weeks ago he thought he had lost his best friend but he had been wrong, he had been about to discover him. 

As he rounded the corner, he ran into Harry, literally. "UHMP"

"Sorry." Tom said before he realized who it was.

"Yeah right Paris, still got your head up your ass I see."

"You know Harry, this routine is getting real old."

"Whatever." Harry moved to go around him.

"Harry can we talk for a minute." He remembered his promise to the captain.

"Why going to tell me I was right?"

"No I was going to tell you, you were wrong. But I wanted to try and clear the air. It's obvious to me you would rather stay bitter and hurtful than try and see if we can work this out like friends."

"We are not friend Paris, you made your choice. You choose Chakotay over me!" Harry spat at him.

'Is that what this has been all about? That you think I choose Chakotay over you? Boy you are stupid Harry Kim. I wouldn’t chose one person over another. I don’t work that way. I don’t understand why I cant be friends with the both of you. Why can't you allow that?"

"Allow it? Why should I allow it? I took you in as a friend when no one wanted you here at all. I was the one who stood up for you when everyone else tried to knock you down! The least you could do is show appreciation for the fact that I decided to be your friend." Harry yelled vehemently 

"Jesus Harry are you listening to yourself? You decided to be my friend? You make is sound like it was a chore, and if that is the case than why did you bother?"

"Because you needed me." Harry growled at him.

"NO! I needed, I wanted a friend! Someone who was going to share things with me, someone who could see something good I did and say 'Great job.' What I didn’t need was someone who was around to remind me of what a screw up I was."

"I didn’t do that the rest of the crew did." 

"NO! That was you! In my ear whispering pointing out that someone was only being nice because I wasn’t a smart-ass to them, or some woman was interested because she knew I'd show her a good time. That wasn’t them that was YOU Harry."

"No!" Harry was at a loss for the moment.

"Yes Harry it was you not them, and you know what you were the only one who remembered everything I did wrong. Oh yeah, you patted me on the back when I succeeded, but as soon as it was all over or as soon as someone would approach me to give me their pat you were there telling me it was temporary. That isn't being my friend Harry that is being my father. I don’t need another one of them." Tom had calmed considerably while he spoke.

"No Tom, I didn’t mean to sound like your father. I just didn’t want to see you hurt. I knew they were going to hurt you." Harry's anger seemed to fade just a bit.

"How did you know that Harry? Since when are you a mind reader? You know what Harry you were wrong about everyone, that is something I have discovered over the last six weeks. People do like me, I have plenty of friends. And it has nothing to do with me helping Chakotay, nothing at all."

"That I don’t believe." 

"Well you don’t have to, I do. You want to know when I found out that I had friends on this ship Harry? Do you know when I discovered that people really liked me?

It was when I hit you, that is when I found out that people had forgotten all the bad stuff from my past." Tom still couldn’t get over the show of support he had gotten.

"Tuvok told me that people came to him, he didn’t go to them, they went to him and defended my actions and me. They volunteered to testify in my behalf, Harry if these people didn’t like me they wouldn’t have done that. Ken Dalby stood up to Tuvok and the captain, from what I heard, and said that if I was going to be charged with assault he expected to be charged too. Ken doesn’t put his neck on the line like that Harry, but he did for me." Harry could hear the awe in Tom's voice, then he noticed movement behind Tom and saw Ken Dalby, Greg Ayala and Gerron Tem step up next to him. Tom jumped a bit when he saw the three men standing next to him.

"I would do it again in a heartbeat, Kim, that you can be sure of." Ken spoke up first and put an arm on Tom's shoulder. 

"Listen Harry, whatever problem you have, be it with Tom or with Chakotay you need to get over it. I know for a fact that Chakotay doesn’t turn his back on his friends ever." Greg added.

"No, he doesn’t." Gerron spoke up too.

"Yeah well I am not completely convinced."

"You know what Harry, I am sorry that you aren't and I won't force you to believe it either. But know this, Chakotay and I aren't going to change things just to make you comfortable. Now if you will excuse me I have to go to my quarters and get a few things." He turned to leave then stopped looking at Greg.

"Greg would you mind coming with me? I need to talk to you about something."

"Sure Tom. It is okay that Gerron come along?"

"Sure why not."

"I'll come too. I have a couple of questions for you Tom." Ken said. 

"See ya Harry." Tom threw over his shoulder not actually looking at Harry or seeing the bewildered look on his face. Harry shook his head and walked away.

Thinking about everything Tom had said to him, filing that in the same place as everything Tuvok had said over the last six weeks. In another file in his mind he placed the last scene played out in front of him, Tom walking off with three buddies him not being one of them. Guess he is lost for good now.

When the four men arrived at Tom's he let them in and offered them a place to sit. He was visible nervous, he had only wanted to talk to Greg, feel him out so to speak, about Tom being with Chakotay.

"So Tom what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

Running his hand through his hair trying to gather his thoughts. Tom really wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell all three that he was sleeping with their old captain and friend.

"Well, I was going to ask you if you thought Chakotay's old friends and former crew would be against the idea of him and me being together." Tom's words came out jerky and hesitantly. He looked at the three men and thought they reminded him of deer startling by highlights.

"You and Chakotay, together as in lovers?" Ken seemed to have recovered first.

"UMM Yeah, that kind of together." It came out in a whisper, he was afraid he was about to hit.

"Well, I know I would think it was great!" Greg smiled at him. "Are you telling us that you and Chakotay are lovers Tom?"

"Yes I am."

"That is great!" Ken got up grabbed Tom's hand shook, he wasn’t sure what else to do.

"Thanks Ken." Tom really couldn’t believe that they seemed to be taking it so well.

"So you think that everyone else will be okay with it Greg?"

"Tom honestly I don’t think anyone is going to have a problem."

"And anyone who does will have to deal with me." Ken spoke up.

"I like you Tom, I would have never figured that you were into men, not that it matters. But if you are what Chakotay needs to be happy than that is enough for me." Ken finished by giving Tom a pat on his arm.

"Tom how long have you and Chakotay been lovers? I mean was it before he got sick? Is that why you offered to help?" Gerron asked.

"No Gerron, nothing was going on before. I offered to help because I wanted to. Things changed while Chakotay was recovering. Maybe it's a bit fast but being out here and seeing how life can end at any minute we decided why don't we just can't go for it."

"Well I think it's great Tom, the two of you deserve to be happy and if you do that for each other than all the better." Gerron offered his congratulations. 

 

"So when do you move the rest of your stuff in Tom?" Greg asked, Tom looked at him in surprise.

"By the look on your face I would venture to guess that is the reason you are back here now." Greg laughed.

"How did you know?"

"Because I know Chakotay, when he decides he wants to be with someone it's never half done."

"Yeah, I remember when you moved in with him Greg, I think everyone in the cell was too shocked to do anything but stare." Ken laughed but then snapped his mouth shut. "Oh shit!' he breathed quietly, realizing that Tom might not know about Chakotay and Greg's past together. This time Tom laughed.

"Relax Ken, I know about Chakotay and Greg, he told me about them the day he got out of sickbay."

"Why the hell would he do that?" Ken was surprised and this time Greg laughed.

"Probably because he had to explain to Tom why he didn’t have to pee for a long time." Ken and Gerron looked puzzled

"When I went by to help Tom move his bed, Chakotay said he needed to talk to me but he actually had to pee and was embarrassed to ask Tom for help. So I got the dubious honor of helping him christen the portable urinal." They all laughed at that.

"You know he would kill you if he knew you just shared that." Tom laughed harder. After a minute he regained his composure.

"Okay I need to get a move on, I told Chakotay I wouldn’t be long."

"Ah! He's got you whipped already." Ken laughed

"Ha! Ha! No actually he is waiting for me before he eats." Tom stood and stuck his tongue out at Ken.

"So you want help?" Greg asked

"Sure thing, I will get a couple of carryalls and you three can fill them with my stuff in here. Don’t worry about getting everything, I can come back." The three men nodded and went around collecting up vids and things off the shelves. Tom returned with two carryalls and let them work. 

He went to his bedroom and filled another carryall with the rest of his clothes and uniforms. He thought about what happened with Harry and with the three in his living room. Standing up once again to show their support and friendship. It didn’t take long to get what was important. Once done the four men left Tom's and made their way to Chakotay's joking and laughing as they went. 

Entering Chakotay's cabin, Tom motioned for them to be quiet he was sure Chakotay was asleep. He told them to sit while he went and checked. In the bedroom he found Chakotay lying on his bed but he wasn’t asleep. When Chakotay heard the door he sat up.

"Hey where have you been? I was beginning to think you changed your mind."

Tom went over to him sat on the bed and leaned in to kiss him.

"Not on your life. I am sorry though, I had a run in with Harry in the corridor."

"I am sorry Tom you okay?" Chakotay took him in his arm and hugged him.

"Of course he's alright his friends showed up for support." Greg was leaning against the doorframe smiling. Chakotay sat back when he heard his voice.

"Hey Greg, I didn’t know you were here."

"Of course you didn’t you were too busy trying to get into your boyfriend's pants to be concerned that three of your friends are here to offer you congratulations and an offer to help finish moving Tom in." Greg grinned.

"Tom?"

"Well after Harry got the Maquis friends treatment." Tom smirked at Greg "I asked Greg to come back to my quarters. I was going to ask if he thought there would be a problem when people found out about us. Ken and Gerron tagged along and I told them." Tom shrugged his shoulders.

"I see and I take it that no one has a problem so far." Chakotay looked at his friend and noticed that Ken and Gerron had joined him in the doorway.

"Nope none." Ken answered with a smile.

"Good because I wouldn’t want to have to break any jaws." He smiled back

"Yeah right old man you and what army?" Greg threw in the dig. 

Chakotay just shook his head. He really wasn’t surprised that Greg wouldn’t have a problem it was Ken that sort of surprised him. Deciding not to worry about it, he kissed Tom then got off the bed.

"So did you bring your stuff back?"

"Yes I did and now I am going to put everything away. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves while I do so." A general laugh was heard as Chakotay and the others left the bedroom. Tom thought again about how things change, if anyone had told him even two months ago that he would be moving in with Chakotay and making jokes with members of the Maquis crew he would have told them they were nuts. 

He did worry a bit about Harry but not much. Harry would either deal or not but it wasn’t Tom's problem it was Harry's. He finished unpacking and went back out to the living room.

Meanwhile in Harry's cabin, Harry was sitting and thinking about everything that had happened. Trying to decided if he had fallen into an alternate universe or something. He laid on his bed and closed his eyes, he would think more later, right now he was tired. Harry drifted off to sleep wondering how much more bizarre things could get.

@@@@@@@@@


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****WARNING: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH *******

Things Change 9

Once Tom was finished unpacking he joined Chakotay and the rest in the living room. Chakotay moved to make room for him to sit next to him, when he did Chakotay immediately put his arm around him and pulled him into his embrace. Tom let out a soft sigh, he liked being in Chakotay's arms. He looked at the others in the room and saw that they were okay with the scene before them, he relaxed even more.

"All done?" Chakotay asked placing a kiss on the side of Tom's forehead.

"Hmm, yeah for now." Tom closed his eyes briefly just enjoying the feel of the man sitting next to him.

"Tom did you think Harry finally got the message?" Ken asked.

"I don’t know Ken but to be perfectly honest I don’t really care. Whatever his problem is, it's his not mine." Tom sighed and snuggled in closer to Chakotay, he didn’t want to think about Harry anymore tonight.

"I can understand that. It's just too bad he turned out to be such a prick. I would have like to get to know him better, not now though." Ken seemed a bit too resigned for Tom.

"Ken are you or were you interested in Harry?" Tom was really curious about this turn of events.

"Well let's just say that until Chak had his heart attack and Harry started acting like an asshole, I was contemplating the idea of asking you if you thought Harry would be interested in me." Ken really hated having to admit that, he couldn’t bring himself to look at anyone for a moment.

"Wow! Now that is a surprise." Tom just couldn’t believe it.

"Well it doesn’t matter now, even if I hadn't threaten to kick the crap out of him, I don’t think I would comfortable with him knowing how he feels about certain things."

"Yeah well the kicking the crap out of him idea could put a damper on things. But don’t discount Harry completely Ken. He is really just angry with me, he isn't angry with any of you." Tom could not believe he was defending Harry after everything that happened, but if he could help his former friend find happiness elsewhere he would.

"No Tom you don’t get it. Just think about this for a minute. Harry got pissed at you because you wanted to make friends with people besides him. Can you honestly say that he would not have a problem with anyone he was involved with and them having friends? Other people to do things with besides him? I mean come on, I couldn’t see myself giving up any one of my friends just to be with someone. No matter what I felt for them." Ken was frustrated he had been angry for weeks. Angry with himself for being fool enough to be interested in someone like Harry. Angry with Harry for disappointing him.

"Ken, if you were interested in Harry why did you threaten for hit him? I don’t understand." Gerron asked seemingly truly confused.

"Why? Because I was pissed at him, pissed that he wasn’t what I had hoped he was, what I thought he was. I always thought he was this great guy, I mean he didn’t seem to care about Tom's past. Knowing that I figured there was a possibility he would see passed my screwed up past also. But instead what I ended up seeing was this shallow self-centered prick and he said some really shitty things about Chakotay."

"He said those things to get me angry Ken, I don’t think he really meant them."

"Tom how can you defend him? After all the crap he laid on you."

"Ken, Harry was my friend when there was no one else. Okay it was for a selfish reason in the long run, but that doesn’t negate the fact that when no one else wanted to have anything to do with me Harry did. I can't forget that and I wouldn’t." Hearing the serenity in Tom's voice Chakotay, who had been silently wishing he could break Harry Kim's neck, hugged the younger man.

"Well none of that matters now, I will not set myself up to be hurt like Harry hurt you. I have no intention of telling my friends sorry but my lover doesn’t want me to have anyone but him in my life."

"You don’t know he will do that Ken. It's different, you have friends, people who you have been through hell with. People who have been there for you when things were so bad you didn’t want to go through another day. Harry knows that, he wouldn’t ask you to give them up." Tom truly believed that.

"Okay, let's just say that he wouldn’t have a problem with me having other people I want to be with. He isn't going to forget that I threatened to space him."

"Well that might be a problem but Ken you might regret not finding out." Greg finally had enough of Ken's little pity party. 

"Just find out Ken, the worst that could happen is he will deck you. Which by the way no one would blame him for." Greg laughed and the rest joined in. 

"Yeah well I will think about it. But now I have to go, I have a date with my pillow." Ken stood and shook hands with the four men.

"Chakotay, Tom, I am happy for you two I am sure everything will work out for you. You are both too damn stubborn for them not too. Good Night."

"Thanks Ken, Good Night." Chakotay and Tom said together.

"Damn talk about your revelations! I had no idea Ken was interested in Harry." Greg was still shocked at his friend's confession.

"Oh, come on Greg, I can't believe you had no idea." Gerron laughed 

"You telling me you did?" Greg pulled him on to his lap and gave him a hug.

"Of course I did, all you had to do was watch him. As soon as Harry would walk into Sandrine's or the Resort and Ken would sit straight up and watch his every move. I really think at one point he was jealous of Tom. I could see him sitting there and I would swear I saw smoke coming out of his ears. I think he thought Tom and Harry were lovers." The young bajorian looked at the three older men and laughed.

"What, you didn’t think I saw things like that?" Gerron chuckled.

"Umm no it's not that. I know you are very observant, I just didn’t realize you were watching Ken." Greg recovered first.

"I wasn’t watching him really but it was hard to miss, when I first noticed it I started paying closer attention." Gerron state plainly.

"I am surprised that Ken would admit to something like that if he felt it was hopeless." Chakotay said.

"No he doesn’t think it is hopeless. He admitted it because he wanted us to talk him out of thinking it was." There was no doubt in Gerron's mind he was right and you could hear it in his voice.

"When did you get to be so smart?" Greg hugged him and kissed his cheek.

"When I fell in love with you." He answered with a kiss of his own and a smile.

"Good answer." Greg shifted a bit Gerron never failed to get him aroused with the simplest of touches. Deciding that they needed to take the matter home, he patted Gerron's leg, his sign to say 'it's time to go'. Gerron understood and got up.

"Well it's time for us to go. I am sure you two have better things to do than sit around and entertain us all night." Greg stood took Gerron's hand and walked to the door.

"Thanks for the help and the show of support Greg and Gerron, you don't know how much it means to me." Tom stood and shook both of their hands.

"The pleasure was ours Tom you are a good man." Greg shook his hand then gave him a friendly slap on the back.

"Thank you Greg for everything." Chakotay hugged his old friend. 

"Hey anytime Chak. You be good to him or I will kick your ass." Greg joked as he hugged him back.

"I will I promise." Chakotay smiled and stepped away.

 

"Good Night Gerron, don't keep him up too late, he's an old man." Chakotay winked at the younger man and Gerron blushed.

"Chief! Don't embarrass Gerron like that!" Tom blushed along with Gerron.

"Oh he knows I am teasing him." Chakotay laughed wrapping his arms around Tom.

Good Night guys, see you soon." Greg said as he walked out the door.

Once they were alone Chakotay kissed Tom and hugged him tighter. Tom responded by deepening the kiss slipping his tongue over Chakotay's lips, he moaned and allowed it entrance. They stood in the middle of the living room holding on to one another and just allowed the passion they felt for each other be told through that kiss. Finally the need for air became too great to ignore, they ended the kiss together as if in silent agreement.

"Tom I think it's time to go to bed." Chakotay panted as he looked at Tom, seeing the blue eyes bright with arousal. Tom couldn’t speak he was so overwhelmed by the feelings that kiss had produced he just nodded his agreement. They made their way to the bedroom slowly not letting go of each other, kissing and removing clothes that suddenly seemed to be in the way. Once they reached the bedroom Chakotay turned so his back was to the bed, he pulled Tom with has he fell onto it. 

Tom took at advantage of his position he sat up and straddled Chakotay. He ran his hands over the smooth chest slowly, enjoying the feel of his skin. He kept his touch light memorizing each inch, as his fingers skimmed across one of the taunt nipples Chakotay let out a moan. Tom decided to see if he could increase the volume of the moan so he lowered his head and licked the nipple and surrounding area when he did he was rewarded with strangled cry of pleasure. He moved to the other nipple and repeated his actions, Chakotay's moaning seemed to be louder now. Tom made his way down his chest, placing butterfly kisses randomly as he went. When he reached Chakotay's belly button he darted his tongue out and into the sensitive area. He was nearly bucked off for that little taste. Again his mouth was on the move, kissing and licking Chakotay's skin. Tom by passed his erection for a minute and gave a long slow lick to his balls causing Chakotay to gasp. He chuckled a bit and then licked his way up the shaft ending his travels by dipping his tongue into the small opening at the tip to retrieve some of the salty liquid leaking out. That caused Chakotay to whimper then scream as Tom took the head into his mouth and sucked on it.

"Yes! Tom that feels so good." His hands were in Tom's hair now, not holding him there just holding on. 

Encouraged, Tom took more in sucking and swirling his tongue as he did. Tom's hands were not idle either, one sliding over Chakotay's skin lightly causing him to shiver the other went between his legs parting them so he could take hold of the sac and gently kneaded his balls around. Chakotay's hips bucked trying to push himself deeper into Tom's mouth. Tom pulled back and let the throbbing member slip from his mouth. Chakotay groaned at the loss of the hot wet mouth around him.

"Tom please!" Chakotay begged the need for release so great he couldn’t bare it.

"Chak?" Tom knew what he wanted but he was afraid to ask, he had never entered a man before, what if he hurt him.

"Please Tom I want you inside me." Chakotay answered the unasked question. 

"I have never." He was visibly nervous. 

"It's okay, just do what feels right Tom." He pulled the younger man on top of him and kissed him. "I trust you." He whispered. 

The rest of the evening Chakotay showed him just how much he trusted him and Tom found that he could make Chakotay feel as gracious as he had made Tom feel.

@@@@@@@@@

Next day Tom returned to duty, Chakotay was no longer considered "recovering" he had been moved to "convalescing". The doctor said he didn’t need to have someone with him all the time, although he might feel uncomfortable with it. He mentioned that to the captain. 

If Tom was apprehensive about leaving Chakotay it was nothing compared to what Chakotay was feeling. Kathryn had sensed that apprehension and asked Tuvok to work Beta shift, suggesting that he spend the free time working with Chakotay on the end of the security simulations he and Tom had developed over the past six weeks. 

Chakotay appreciated the company. He and Tuvok had become good friends during his medical leave. Tuvok showed up just as Tom was leaving for duty. The two men shared morning greetings, Tom kissed Chakotay good-bye promising he would be home for lunch and left. Tuvok watched the exchange, quite pleased that the two men had decided they were well suited for each other.

"Come in Tuvok, how are you this morning?" Chakotay offered a chair.

"I am well thank you. How are you Chakotay?" Tuvok responded as he sat.

"I feel a lot better thanks. What brings you here this morning?"

"The Captain thought you and I could spend the morning finishing up the security hologram program." 

"That is a good idea, I will also have to remember to thank her for being so tactful in saying I might feel uncomfortable being alone today." Chakotay smiled and Tuvok acknowledged his assessment of the suggestion. 

"She is worried about you, as is the rest of the crew."

"I know, I have a feeling it will be a long time before she doesn’t worry about me. It's good to have friends like Kathryn and you. Thank you again for everything you did for me in the past six weeks Tuvok."

"You are quite welcome Chakotay. Now why don’t we get started, I am sure you would like to be done by the time Tom comes back." Without actually saying it Tuvok gave Chakotay his approval of the changed status of the two men. Chakotay nodded and they went to work.

@@@@

 

Down the hall Harry was in his quarters getting ready for his shift. He felt quite pleased with himself. He had come to a decision earlier that morning. He knew that he had to make up with Paris but in his own way. He had a plan and he would do everything in his power to implement that plan as soon as possible. He wasn’t going to just run to Tom and say he was sorry, Tom would be suspicious of that. Besides he wasn’t sorry, he had nothing to be sorry for. He would just let Tom think he was sorry, let him get comfortable enough to be willing to hang out with Harry without the jerks around. Then he would be able to do what he knew he had to do. 

"Let's just hope the captain goes for it." He said to himself. He was sure she would, everyone could use a break right about now. All he had to do was find a planet that was inviting enough for shore leave. Confidence emulated from him as he left his quarters. It was a good day, the first day of his proving to Tom Paris that he did need him as a friend.

##### 

On the bridge things were tense for awhile, Harry ignored Tom, not wanting to raise any eyebrows he couldn’t just suddenly be okay with Tom. Tom tried his best to just brush the uneasy feeling he had aside. B'Elanna was at the engineering station watching Harry, Greg was at Tactical keeping an eye on Tom. No one said much of anything for about two hours, when Harry spoke.

"Captain, I have found an M-class plant, senses are showing that it is uninhabited and it's rich with dilithium deposit."

"Very good Ensign. How far are we from it?"

"Five light years ma'am" 

"Wonderful, send Lieutenant Paris the coordinates, Tom lay in a course."

"Aye, Captain." Both men responded.

 

The rest of the morning went somewhat better, everyone was busy getting information and arranging for people to be a part the away team. Kathryn escaped to her ready room, she had some things to think about. Namely if this planet they were heading for was uninhabited and safe, shore leave could be an option. She commed Tuvok who was still with Chakotay and the three of them discussed the possibilities. All agreed that if circumstances allowed they should not pass up the opportunity that had presented itself to them. 

After lunch the senior staff and the captain outlined the course of action they would take. Having received confirmation that the planet was in fact uninhabited and there were no alien cultures near by that might have a claim on it. It was decided that there would be four away teams assigned to collect dilithium and search for food sources. Once that was completed shore leave would begin. Each member of the crew would be entitled to two days. While they were at it they would use the down time to do any repairs and maintenance that may be required. 

Harry sat back and listened to the plan quite pleased with himself. Step one was done, on to step two. He would make sure he was part of one of the away teams so he could survey planet. He would need to know as much as he could about the planet that could only be learned on the surface. Once that was done he could move to step three.

After shift in his quarters he went over his plan again very carefully. He had to be sure that Tom would be respective to the idea of the two of them being alone together for a few hours. Harry was confident he would succeed in that, he knew exactly how to get to him. Tonight he would begin that part of the plan, he called for a location check and from that Tom was in his quarters. Once decided Harry changed and went to pay Tom a visit, only there was no answer at Tom's door.

Asking the computer again for a location check and again being told that he was in his quarters, Harry let himself in Tom's cabin. When the door slid open Harry stepped in and was immediately stunned to see that the cabin was empty. Nothing of Tom's was there, the place had been cleaned thoroughly. Confused, Harry asked for the exact location of Lieutenant Paris, when the computer gave the answer Harry was livid. 

Why in hell was Paris still in the commander's quarters? Why was the computer now stated that those quarters were Tom's also? Harry knew that the commander had been taken off the recovery list that he would be returning to work before they left orbit. Paris didn’t need to be playing nursemaid anymore, he stomped off swearing under his breath convinced more than ever that Paris needed to be taken in hand.

&&&&&

Personal Log: Ensign Harry Kim

"Well that's it, Paris has just proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is time to take him to task. Still playing nursemaid to the almighty Commander Chakotay, what in hell was wrong with him? Is he waiting until the commander booted him before he left? Stupid bastard! Well once we get down on the planet and I show him that I am the only one he needs he will be grateful I spared him that bullshit. Now I just have to make sure that his shore leave and mine are the same, preferable among the last of the crew to be given shore leave. 

The captain won't waste much time looking for us once shore leave is over. I know just how to make it look like we both "disappeared" without a trace. Convincing Paris that Voyager left without us might present a problem but not much I am sure. I have already replicated the necessary items to make sure he isn't too confrontational. He will thank me once he sees that we are supposed to be best friends forever and there is no one around to fill his head with the stupid notion that he doesn't need me.

Not returning to the Alpha Quadrant is something he would prefer anyway. There isn't anything for him there, just a prison sentence to finish out and a father who will manipulate him for the rest of his life. It's best that we stay here for good. End log."

 

Feeling somewhat better Harry settled in for the night. He would talk to Tom in the morning about patching things up between them.

In another cabin the computer beeped, alerting the occupant that there had been an unacceptable log entry made. Going over to the computer to retrieve the source, and the extent of the log, once read, the person frowned. This is not good and it will not due. Storing the log in a secure file, the computer was switched off and the thoughts ran wild, this must be prevented.

@@@@@@@@

Tom and Chakotay were sitting on the couch talking quietly when the door chime rang.

"Enter" Chakotay called out. When the door opened it revealed Tuvok on the other side.

"Good Evening gentlemen, I was wondering if we could discuss your shore leave?"

"Sure Tuvok come in and have a seat. Can I get you anything." Tom was the one who answered.

"Thank you, but no I am fine. Chakotay because of your recent health problems the captain and I thought that it would be best for you to take shore leave first. Knowing that Tom would of course want to join you the captain has scheduled helm maintenance for the latter part of our stay. I know that is it presumptuous on our part to make these decisions for you both, but be reassured that we have both of your best interests in mind." 

"Tuvok, I think that would be a great idea and I don’t think you and Kathryn are being presumptuous. I know Tom could use the downtime especially after having taken care of me all this time. Thank you." Chakotay was touched by the concern both Kathryn and Tuvok continually showed him.

 

"Yeah, thanks Tuvok and thank the captain for me too. It may seem like I have been on vacation all this time but it has not been a picnic in my book. Chief here can be one hell of a tough patient." Tom laughed as he ducked away from Chakotay who tried to slap his arm.

"Very well gentlemen, I will not take up anymore of your time this evening. Plan on taking your shore leave in three days. Good Night." Tuvok left after the two men said their good nights.

"Wow chief shore leave and together. What are we going to do while we are down there?" Tom snuggled back into Chakotay's arms.

"Oh, I am sure we can think of a few things." He smiled and kissed Tom's cheek.

"I wonder if we can do some hiking. I could use a good leg stretch."

"I can think of another way to stretch those legs Slim, and it will be less wear and tear on me." He kissed Tom again. 

"And I know for a fact that you will be exhausted when we are done." Leaning in further he took Tom's mouth with his own and kissed him with everything he had. Just to make sure Tom had no doubt as to what he wanted to do once they beamed down. Tom responded with a deep moan and wrapped his arms around Chakotay neck. They spent the rest of the evening going over Chakotay's plan, just to make sure they were both in agreement.

####

 

Harry tried for three days to get Tom to talk to him, of course he wouldn’t come right out and say anything. Tom needed to be the one to approach him. But he was sure Tom saw that he was willing to talk. Well just two more days and they could go on shore leave together. Harry would figure out a way to do it.

He was feeling rather cheery this morning as he walked into the mess hall. His first sight was Tom and the commander sitting at a table in the back talking. His mood slipped slightly, but not enough to cause him any worry. He got his breakfast and picked a table close enough to watch the two men but not so they would notice. Suddenly his mood went black.

"So Chief, you ready to get out of here and start our shore leave?" Tom seemed way too excited about this for Harry's liking.

"Of course I am Tom, getting off this ship even for 24 hours would be great." Chakotay was smiling way too much at Tom. Harry was getting pissed.

Harry didn’t notice the other person watching him watch them. He was too wrapped up in what was going on at the other table.

"I am really excited about this, I mean going down to a planet and not have to worry about any aliens trying to kill us or charge us with crimes we didn’t commit." Tom laughed remembering far too many times things like that happened in the past.

"Tom, now just because there aren't any aliens doesn’t mean there can't be trouble." Kathryn stepped up to the table smiling.

"Oh captain I promise I won’t cause any trouble." He smiled back with his best look of innocence. Chakotay and Kathryn laughed, Harry had seen enough he decided he wasn’t going to wait. Things had gotten out of hand, finishing his meal trying to hide his disgust he got up and disposed of his tray. Not noticing he was being watched he stormed out of the mess hall. 

Tom had noticed Harry's abrupt departure and frowned. Chakotay noticing the whole thing took Tom's hand and gave it a loving squeeze. Turning back to his lover Tom smiled and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, not my problem.

"Well gentlemen, I just wanted to say I hope you enjoy your shore leave. There is something I must attend to." Kathryn got up from her place.

"Thanks Kathryn see you in two days." Chakotay smiled and nodded to her. 

"See ya later Captain." Tom didn’t sound as happy has he had just a few minutes before. 

"Everything will be fine Tom, I promise." She whispered to him as she bent and gave him a peck on the cheek. Kathryn then walked away.

"Come Tom let's go and finish getting ready." Chakotay stood still holding Tom's hand. Tom followed suit and they left.

@@@@@

Back in Harry's cabin he was throwing things in a carryall while he cursed under his breath. The commander was not going to win, Tom would spend his shore leave and the rest of his life with Harry. Harry knew that he was condemning himself to a life without love and children, but he would have his best friend back and that was what was important. 

Once he had everything he needed he checked the computer for the time that Tom and the commander had decided to leave. He had to be on the surface before them. He had to leave quickly, he had discovered they were scheduled to leave in an hour. Double checking his bag and satisfied he had everything he needed he headed for the door when the door chime rang.

"Enter." Harry couldn’t keep the annoyed tone out of his voice he didn’t have time for whoever was there. The door swished open and Ken Dalby was standing there.

"What do you want Dalby? I am in a rush!" 

"Hello to you too, Ensign, I was wondering if you had a minute." Ken was nervous he wasn’t sure why he had been approached, but he had his orders, get Harry Kim to deck 4 Observation Lounge as soon as possible.

"No I don’t I am late. Get out of my way." Harry tried to push passed him.

"Hey give me a break, I just have a message for you okay?" Ken was pissed he hated being pushed around. Suddenly glad he decided to lose the idea of pursuing this jerk he was just going to do the job he was sent to do.

"Whoever you have a message from I am sure I don’t want it. Now get the hell out of my way!" Harry now too pissed to care he could be provoking the man standing in front of him.

"So even if it's from Tom you don’t want to hear it?" Ken spat out and Harry quickly stopped.

"Why would Paris ask you to give me a message?" Harry was a bit curious, maybe he had read the situation wrong earlier.

"The hell if I know, he just asked me to come and ask you to meet him in the Observation Lounge on deck 4 in five minutes." Message delivered he thought, he didn’t really believe the message was from Tom. He couldn’t put his finger on what bothered him about it, but than again he didn’t care.

"Fine thank you. Now get out." 

"You know Kim if I didn’t like Tom so much I wouldn’t have delivered the message and I would make damn sure you wouldn’t show." Ken turned on his heels and left.

Ken gone Harry let out the breath that he had been holding, Tom wants to talk to me, good maybe he is ready to admit he needed me. Once again he mood changed, he was happy again. Putting his carryall down, he figured Tom didn’t need to know what he had been planning just yet. Hell at this point maybe Tom would be willing to go along with it. Feeling better then he had in quite some time he left his cabin and made his way to the observation lounge. 

When he got there it was dark he didn’t turn the lights on maybe Tom didn't want anyone to see them talking. Could be a problem Harry didn’t want anymore problems. He moved into the lounge and looked out the viewport momentarily thinking about just how great things were going to be real soon. He didn’t see the person hiding in the shadows and he never saw the blunt end of the bat'leth coming down to strike him in the back of the head. He felt the pain and then everything went black.

 

####

Tom and Chakotay arrived in the transporter room, both noticeably excited and anxious. Chakotay gave the ensign on duty the coordinates for their desired destination and then stepped up on the pad next to Tom. Nodding their readiness the ensign initiated the transporter and they shimmered out of sight. The door of the transporter room slid open and the captain dismissed the ensign on duty, giving him a fifteen-minute break. As soon as he was gone she commed Tuvok and initiated the transporter. A few minutes later Tuvok entered the room and gave her the answer she needed without saying a word. Kathryn breathed a shy of relief.

"I will meet you in my ready room in ten minutes Tuvok." She told him with little emotion.

"Aye, Captain." 

When Kathryn reached the sanctity of her ready room she activated her personal log.

"Personal Log Kathryn Janeway. Security code Alpha Zero Four."

Taking a deep breath she began. 

"Today I made the hardest decision in my life, to put the life of one person ahead of all others. I could not allow Harry Kim to go through with his plan to kidnap Tom Paris. I had to do something and quickly, I thought I had two days to try and work something out but Mr. Kim forced my hand this morning. I am deeply distressed that I felt I had to go as far as I did, but I could not and would not allow Harry to destroy all the lives his selfish act would have destroyed." The door chime interrupted her. "Computer pause recording."

"Enter." Tuvok entered and she motioned for him to sit.

"Tuvok, have you handled the rest of the problem?"

"Yes captain."

"Very well then, it’s done. We will inform the crew of the terrible accident at 1200 hours." Her voiced faulted a bit, a wave of guilt washed over her. Tuvok saw the emotion come over her. 

"Captain, you did the only thing you could. Lieutenant Paris and Commander Chakotay are far too important to this crew for you to have stood by and done nothing." Tuvok knew Kathryn needed to be reassured that it was for the best, to hoping lessen her guilt.

"Keep telling me that Tuvok and one day I might believe you." She knew by deciding to take matters into her own hands she had added more of a burden to her already heavy load. But at the same time she knew that there was no choice in the matter. Harry Kim had to be gone he was too much of a threat to the entire crew. She believed that even if she could have stopped him this time he would find a way to leave with Tom. 

"Captain, logically ending Mr. Kim's life was for the best. He was a menace to himself and the rest of the crew. By removing him from the ship you have ended the possible threat of him stealing a shuttle at some point and forcing Mr. Paris to go with him. Which would cause Commander Chakotay to follow and then we would have to follow."

"I get the point Tuvok. Thank you for your help. Of course this matter will never be discussed again. As far as anyone will ever know Harry Kim died in a terrible transporter accident on his way to the planet for his shore leave." She hoped that if she repeated that lie to herself enough she would able to convince everyone herself included that it was the truth.

"Understood Captain." Tuvok stood and went to the door.

"Thank you again Tuvok. Dismissed. See you at 1200 hours."

"Aye Captain." Tuvok left the ready room.

Kathryn sat back down on her couch and reopened her personal log. Though she was sure she shouldn’t, she detailed the entire turn of events, she would delete everything at a later date. She just wanted to get it all out so she could put it to rest. Once done she leaned back closed her eyes and cried.

 

@@@@@

At 1200 hours all crewmembers were called to the holodeck, even those who had been on the planet. The captain stepped forward and called for attention.

"First I want to apologize to the people who were on leave. I promise this will be short and if you choose to you may return to the planet. If you choose not to, I will allow you to do so at a later date." Standing even straighter she looked around the room, her eyes fell on Tom, Chakotay behind him with his arms around Tom's waist. They looked so happy and content she knew what she was about to say would be hardest on Tom but Chakotay would help him through it.

"Now on to the reason I called you all here. At 1100 hours Ensign Harry Kim was killed in a transporter accident." There was a short gasp, but somehow Kathryn knew it was because Harry lost his life. It being reminded at it could happen to anyone.

"While being transported to a spot he had chosen for his leave, there was a inexplicable surge in the transporter's matrix. When we tried to retrieve Ensign Kim we were unsuccessful. I know he will be missed." She didn’t really believe that but felt she needed to say it anyway.

Everyone just stood for a minute absorbing what she said. A few people seemed to be sad from the looks on their faces. Surprisingly enough Ken Dalby among them finding Tom again she noticed that his eyes were watery. Chakotay tightening his hold on Tom, leaned in and whispered something in his ear, Tom shook his head. 

"There will be a memorial service for Ensign Kim tomorrow at 1200 hours in the shuttle bay. That is all, dismissed." She turned from the crowd and wiped her eyes, she hated herself for having to lie but she had no choice. The crew slowly dispersed Tom just stood there for a minute silently saying good bye to the first friend he made on his own. Then he turned into Chakotay's arms and held on tight.

"You okay Tom?"

"Yeah I am. I'm upset that our last conversation was an argument but that is something I will deal with. I am sad for his parents and Libby. But me I am fine, I have my best friend right here." To bring home the point he hugged Chakotay tighter.

"Let's go back to our quarters and just relax if you want to talk I will listen."

"You don’t mind us not going back to the surface?"

"Not at all Tom, shore leave can happen another time. Come on."

They turned to leave and were met by B'Elanna, Greg and Gerron.

"Tom you okay?" B'Elanna asked as she hugged him.

"Yeah I'm fine." He answered softly.

"Tom if you need anything just let us know." Greg put his hand on Tom's shoulder and gave it a supportive squeeze

"Thanks Greg." 

"Tom and I were just going back to our quarters you are welcome to join us." Chakotay offered as he took Tom's hand and motioned for them to leave. It was going to be a long 24 hours Chakotay knew.

 

@@@@@

The service was short, most of the crew was there which was a surprise to many. After it was all over Tom suggested that everyone go to Sandrine's to have one last drink for Harry. If anyone was surprised at this suggestion no one said a word. There was music and laughter, Tom called it an Irish wake, send the dead off with a party not tears. Though it didn’t last long everyone seemed to have a good time talking about Harry no harsh words were spoken though. Tom noticed Ken standing at the bar by himself, he went over and stood next to him.

"Hey Ken."

"Hey Tom."

"You doing okay?"

"Yeah fine, how about you?"

"Oh I will be okay. I know I am going to miss, Harry, but the old Harry not the one who had been around lately." Tom gave Ken a small smile.

"I know what you mean, my last conversation with him wasn’t the best. I can't believe that other then you I may have been the last one to talk to him."

"Yeah well we both said some pretty harsh things to him in the corridor that night."

"No, I mean yesterday morning." Forgetting for a minute his feeling that the message had not come from Tom.

"Ken, I haven't spoken to Harry since that night I moved into Chakotay's." Tom was confused.

"Oh right, well than I guess I was the last one to talk to him." Ken shrugged it off. Now he knew for sure he that had been right, Tom would have never meet Harry alone anywhere. Who sent the message? Why would they want him to use Tom's name to get Harry to the observation lounge? Doesn’t matter now he thought.

"I'm sorry that your last memory of him wouldn’t be a good one."

"Thanks Tom and the same goes for you."

"Thanks Ken. I have to go Chakotay and I are going back down to the planet for the day. See you tomorrow." Tom placed his hand on Ken's shoulder and then turned and walked over to Chakotay. They left soon after that and went back to the planet surface.

"Chief, I need a favor." Tom whispered as he kissed Chakotay's neck.

"Anything Tom." Chakotay moaned.

"Remind me that even when things change but we will be okay." He put his head on Chakotay's shoulder and sighed.

"We will be okay Tom." Chakotay lifted Tom's head from his shoulder and proceeded to show him that no matter how much things changed in their lives they would always be okay.

The End


End file.
